Cancel the Filter of Perfection with Dr Stephanie Wong

• How to set boundaries in digital interactions (20:28)
• The double-edged impact of social media (22:32)
• Cultivating genuine connections (27:30)
• Authenticity vs perfection (13:57)

“We really need to destigmatize mental health in the AAPI community and among ethnic minority communities.”

“I think when you are brought up to not cry and even though you’re disappointed, it’s like, oh, doing that is wrong. And so I think that’s what happens to me is like, I cry when I’m upset, not necessarily when I’m super sad, but I’m like, oh. And then I feel guilty for crying. So you have to unlearn some of these things that you were taught in childhood that may not serve you well right now.”

“We’re constantly put up against these images on social media, and we may subconsciously do it to each other as well. I use an example of these perfect holiday pictures where everyone has matching outfits and perfect smiles, but I’m like, ‘How long did it take to get everybody dressed, everyone looking at the camera, everyone smiling?’ Like, it probably took hours.’”

“With the podcast, I’ve heard a lot of feedback of like, oh, I’ve been through that. That one really resonated with me because I struggle with like, feeling like I belong at work or, you know, I have difficulty with social skills, you know, or discrimination and all those, you know, isms that we face. And so I think the whole point of the book really was so that people don’t feel alone.”

“it is really important to set boundaries with yourself as to how much you’re going to engage in social media and what the content is…. Part of that is building up the self awareness that this may not be as healthy for me. It might be hindering my growth. Is it chipping away at my self worth or is it actually empowering me?”

NICOLE

Hello, friends! Welcome back to the School of Self-Worth. I am your host, Nicole Tsong, and I have to say I am really, truly, always so honored and so grateful to have this podcast, because it has connected me with such remarkable women, and today is no exception. So I’ve been celebrating Asian American Pacific Islander Heritage Month, which is all of May, by featuring some really incredible Asian American women. And today we get to meet doctor Stephanie Wong. So Stephanie is a licensed clinical psychologist. She’s the host of the podcast ‘Color of Success’, and she’s the author of ‘Cancel the Realities of a Psychologist’, podcaster, and working mother of color. And in our conversation, ‘Cancel the Filter’ is truly about understanding and getting behind the filter that so many of us put on our lives, and the challenges women have around revealing what is truly going on in a vulnerable and transparent way, and Stephanie just has such incredible insight from her perspective as a psychologist, her own experience being a working mother, and also the layers that can come into being an Asian American woman, and how that affects our mental health.

So you definitely want to stay tuned, because she gives us some concrete steps on how to make those changes and what exactly she would do if she was you, to support your mental health on a deeper level, particularly around social media. I know this is something that all of us are constantly grappling with. So if you are an asian american woman who wants to know how to work five hour days while still getting your dream promotion, dm me five, because I have got something for you. Okay, friends, let’s dig into this amazing conversation. Welcome to the School of Self Worth, a podcast for ambitious women who know they are worthy of an astoundingly great life. Join us Weekly as we get on the right side of your intuition, redefine success, and reclaim your self worth. I’m your host, Nicole Song, an award winning journalist who left it all behind to become a best selling author of three books and work life balance expert, helping ambitious women unlock their intuition and step into a life of fulfillment and radical joy. Every single week, I will bring you diverse and meaningful conversations with successful women from all walks of life who share insight about what it takes to be brave, joyful, and authentic every day.

Every episode is thoughtfully designed to leave you feeling empowered with tangible tips and advice that will lead you to your next breakthrough.

Stephanie, I’m so glad to have you here. I’ve been holding back on the thing I want to talk to you about most. But first, welcome to the school of Self Worth.

STEPHANIE WONG

Thank you for having me at the school. I never thought that I would come back to school. But here I am. So, I am so appreciative to connect with you today.

NICOLE

I mean, we have so many things to talk about, but of course, the thing I want to talk to you about the most, I mean, we won’t tell everybody about it too much, is that I’m also a BTS Army fan. And I was so excited when I saw it in the background, but made myself not say anything for those of you watching the video, because I was like, I’m going to hold off talking to her about it until we’re recording.

STEPHANIE WONG

God, I’m so happy to meet you even more!

NICOLE

I know, right? Army to army. So, so much fun. We won’t do too much BTS talk, but I just want to know who your bias is, and then we can move on?

STEHANIE WONG

Namkook. What about you?

NICOLE

I am a V bias. But JK is hot on his heels pretty much constantly.

STEPHANIE WONG

He’s grown now.

NICOLE

He has grown quite a bit. I am actually going to New York soon, and I was messaging with some of my friends over there. I’m like, is his Calvin Klein billboard still up? And they’re like, no, it is definitely not.

STEPHANIE WONG

Well, if I find it in Korea this summer, I will definitely take a picture and send it to you.

NICOLE

And my dream is to go to Korea and do a Seoul BTS tour, and then also go to all the different places. Okay. Now that we have gotten that out of the way, we can kind of come back into what we’re here to do, even though for those of you listening, if you’re in the BTS army, you could probably talk more. I know I could talk for hours about them, and we could do a whole podcast on them, but that’s not what we’re here for. We’re here to talk to Stephanie about her own journey and learn more about her.  So could you just actually give us a little bit of a background about who you are and how you arrived at the School of Self-Worth today? What is the journey that’s brought you here?

STEPHANIE WONG

Absolutely. Well, I’m a clinical psychologist by trade, and I’ve worked at Ava hospital for over a decade, and I then started a private practice. I totally didn’t think about becoming a podcaster. In 2020, I was inspired to take a free workshop, because I love free things, to learn about podcasting from Dr Melvin Varghese, and ‘Selling the Couch’ podcast, and that podcast really helped me build my practice in 2016. So as anything that he puts out there, I had to take a look at it, and I really thought, well, what do I have to share with the world? He asks about your ‘why?’ And I really thought, well, we really need to destigmatize mental health in the AAPI community and among ethnic minority communities. There are so many people that are struggling, not just AAPI individuals, but I could not see everyone in private practice, one-on-one. I thought this might be a good way to share information, learn about people’s stories and how they’ve dealt with some of these things, which is, I think, in a similar vein to the School of Self-Worth, in learning from different people. And I’m not the expert in everything, and I don’t claim to be, but I think we have a lot of knowledge and people out there that could really help, and that led me to share my own story, which we could talk a little bit about later.

NICOLE

Well, I really want to hear your story because I feel like it’s probably related to the  question of, what would you say the stigma is around mental health, particularly in AAPI communities?

STEPHANIE WONG

Well, I think it’s getting better. First off, let’s start with the positive, that a lot more people are seeking services. I’m seeing a good proportion of my clients are AAPI identifying, but I think generationally, it was okay. Many of their parents, grandparents, and great grandparents were immigrants, and they were in survival mode. It wasn’t like, hey, let me just think a little bit about how my mentals are. It was, I need to put food on the table. I need to find a place to live and survive, and so that transmits a lot of generational trauma to future and current generations, though.

But the stigma really is, we don’t talk about emotions. I think ‘The Brothers Sun’, did it best in the recent Netflix show, in that emotions are not something that we talk about. You work hard, you put your head down, and you just don’t think about it. And I saw that it’s very detrimental for a lot of people.

NICOLE

You bring up so many things, just even thinking about my parents, and I often have to talk about how they are children of war. My mom is Taiwanese, which  was occupied by Japan. My dad fled mainland China for Hong Kong, you know, because of war. I think a lot of times, they came over for education, like a lot of people during that generation, but at the same time, it was an escape. Education was like their entry point here, but they actually had such a traumatic experience. I know my parents are not the only ones, but I’m just sharing that because that’s my experience of knowing them and their backstory.

It’s kind of amazing how, when you grow up as a kid, and now I’m thinking about the movie ‘Namesake’ that was based on Jhumpa Lahiri’s book, about an Indian child and his parents. There was this one moment in that movie that was so profound for me, where they were showing all the background of India and the culture that his parents were in, and then they did this cut to him in New York City, being a Columbia student, and there was such a contrast. That was a moment that I actually think I first started to really understand my parents’ experience of coming from these different cultures, then raising your children in America, and that divide.

So that really came up for me when you were speaking, but also that piece around emotions, like my parents. I didn’t say ‘I love you’ until college, and that was how it started. Because that’s just how I grew up. And anyway, you speak to so many things around that, so thank you for sharing that. And so I’m curious for you, because I’m sure that some of your own journey is how you got to this place where you wanted to support people with that. So could you share a little bit more about your journey as well?

STEPHANIE WONG

Absolutely. So I went to a Magnet high school in San Francisco, and 90% identified Aian, Asian American. We actually lost a student to suicide during my time there, and there were no resources offered. It was obviously very sad, but there were no counselors. There was no debrief on how everyone was feeling. So I thought, well, this is something that I really want to explore. And I was one of the lucky ones who declared a major and actually liked it, moving forward.

So I was pre-psychology, going right into undergrad, and found that I really wanted to work with clients, so I went straight to get my PhD in clinical psychology, moved to Virginia from California, having never been out of the state at that point. And that was a journey in itself. But it did bring me to be able to work with the populations that I’ve wanted to work with.

NICOLE

And then what did you discover for yourself, especially starting to pay attention again to the stigma and mental health. Like, what did you grow up with? Maybe within your own family? And then what have you discovered over really trying to support people and help them to start to say ‘yes’ more to therapy and support? 

STEPHANIE WONG

First I want to say that a good therapist has a good therapist. So I stand by in becoming a good therapist, and continuing to grow as one, you really need to build that self-awareness and build that ‘look at yourself and see what you bring to the room, what you bring to relationships’. But when growing up, we didn’t talk about emotions. And I think again, that generational trauma of my grandma and my mother and her siblings growing up in Chinatown, and San Francisco, in poverty. There was a lot of negative emotional, psychological impact of that. I saw that growing up with my mom, her just being very depressed, and I didn’t really understand it at that time.

I then recognized that I gravitated towards school to cope. This is something that I excel in. I have friends, I’m building a community. But that really had an impact on the decisions to go into this field, because I was like, wow, if these resources or this willingness to go to therapy was there, things could have been very different a lot earlier. My mom is really good right now, and has done a lot of work. A great grandma to my kids. But I think when you are brought up to not cry, even though you’re disappointed, it’s like doing that is wrong,  so I think that’s what happens to me. I cry when I’m upset, not necessarily when I’m super sad, and then I feel guilty for crying. So you have to unlearn some of these things that you were taught in childhood that may not serve you well right now.

NICOLE

That’s really powerful, because I feel like so many of us don’t even recognize it at first, and then when you start to recognize it, it’s like, how do you start to change that pattern in the future? And I’m curious, because your book, ‘Cancel the Filter’, is also very much about motherhood and really being more open about your experience, so has becoming a mom made this more important for you?

STEPHANIE WONG

Absolutely. Like I mentioned, at first I was like, what do I have to contribute to the world? You know, I have had this manuscript since 2020 and  didn’t publish it until the end of 2023. It’s a book of real talk, it’s not this theoretical psychological psychobabble, as my friends would call it. It’s actually my experience. And as you can see already from my personality, I’m pretty lively, so I really wanted to dispel the myth that working mothers have to have it all together. And we’re constantly put up against these images on social media, and we may subconsciously do it to each other as well. I use an example of these perfect holiday pictures where everyone has matching outfits and perfect smiles, but I’m like, how long did it take to get everybody dressed, everyone looking at the camera, everyone smiling? It probably took hours, and we’re seeing these wonderful pictures. Not to say I don’t like seeing the pictures. It’s just more of let’s get real about what this is about, what these Christmas cards are about, what these holiday cards are about. So it was very, very important for me to share my story, and my two girls knew that this is something they can read later as well, that it wasn’t that easy to have children during your postdoctoral fellowship and early career.

NICOLE

Yeah, well, and as you were speaking about it, I’m curious for you about when we have those photos, because they exist, what does it do to us to see that kind of stuff over and over again? Because we don’t get the backstory. I do enough social media that I understand how much effort it takes to do those things. But most people scrolling through are just sort of like, ‘oh, pretty photos’. But what would you say happens to us mentally, around seeing that stuff?

STEPHANIE WONG

I think by nature there is social comparison. And the socialization piece for families, for instance, if we’re running with this example, it’s like, ‘Oh, I’m a mess. I wasn’t able to do a holiday card this year, or ours didn’t turn out that well.’ All these things run in our heads of what we’re not doing well, versus, it’s okay to just try to make it day to day and get by in that way, and maybe post a picture of the kid crying when they see Santa Claus, because really, Santa Claus is a scary concept, if you think about it. I think what I’m saying is, we post curated photos, curated stories and messages, and canceling the filter is really like, well, what’s really behind all of it?

NICOLE

And then what would you say for yourself, is important? Is it like telling the stories? Is it showing up with messy photos? How do we all start to help dismantle that a little bit?

STEPHANIE WONG

I think as much as you’re comfortable doing that, I think the aspect of actually sharing the realities of things. So you might have the perfect picture, but maybe side by side you could have some of the funny behind the scenes, where one kid is running,  and there are only four people here trying to share those moments with people. Also, to be honest, I think a lot more people are saying motherhood is hard, breastfeeding is hard, and things like that, but the more and more that we share those things, the less people will feel alone. Of course it’s great to celebrate happy moments, but I think struggles or growth edges, as one of the psychologists would put it, are very important to share as well.

NICOLE

And what do you see, when people do that? Does that start to help them feel like, it’s okay, I’m connected, I can actually do this?

STEPHANIE WONG

I think so. I think it’s about building community. With the podcast, I’ve heard a lot of feedback like, oh, I’ve been through that. That one really resonated with me because I struggle with feeling like I belong at work or, I have difficulty with social skills, you know, or discrimination and all those ‘isms’ that we face. So I think the whole point of the book really was so that people don’t feel alone. I did feel isolated at many points during pregnancy and motherhood, because my husband and I thought, you know, people are going to start having kids, at least within a couple of years. But no, I have a twelve year old and everyone’s having like their second and third babies!  But the thing is, I’ve been there and I’m glad that people are having those experiences, but that it is going to get better in terms of self-sufficiency. I try to impart some support to my friends.

NICOLE 

I mean, this is something that I think we forget often too, whatever’s happening on social media, that comparison is really affecting our mental health. What would you say is happening for people around that specific issue?

STEPHANIE WONG

There’s so much to unpack there. But I will say, especially with people who care about what’s going on in the world, it can really, really drain you mentally and physically. It is really important to set boundaries with yourself as to how much you’re going to engage in social media, and what the content is. Of course, algorithms are what people hope to create, that give you that curated view of the world. But I think there’s a lot of stuff going on, and part of that is building up the self-awareness that this may not be healthy for me. It might be hindering my growth. Even though I’m seeing all these wonderful things people are doing, it might not make me feel great about myself. Is it chipping away at my self-worth, or is it actually empowering me? I know when you’re on LinkedIn, everyone is posting pictures of galas and promotions and all those things. But what about the people that got laid off, or that have difficulty with mental health, and they can’t even get out of bed to look for a job? I mean, there needs to be a balance for self, but for others, too, about being mindful about what they post and how maybe it may negatively impact others.

NICOLE

So really starting to look at what boundaries I need to have in check. I find that for myself, too. It’s like when I am reading a lot and I’m not on social media, my mental health is so much better, because I’m just not paying attention to what’s going on. It’s something I must do for work though, so I do need to be on sometimes, but I always am trying to figure out what’s an amount that works for me, and feels okay, versus being on there constantly, because the mindless scrolling is like so easy for everybody to get into..

STEPHANIE WONG

And companies bank on that, and we’re a part of this media as well, with the podcast. But I actually sold my smartwatch, or my husband did, because I realized during a vacation, when I took it off, I felt so much more at ease. And so I said, you know what? I have some nice old school watches. My little Ann Klein from like 20 years ago, I’m gonna put that one on and learn how to change a battery, which was really fun, kind of nerdy, but I learned how to change the battery and, you know, it just feels a lot better. Yeah, we walk around with our phones –  people take it to the toilet now! So not having that buzz for every email and all that, has really helped tremendously for me.

NICOLE

That’s good to know. I never did the smartwatch, because I was nervous about that. I was like, this is going to stress me out, so I put it aside. But I can imagine if it’s constant, because my phone is stressful enough. 

Well, I’m curious if you feel like this, and this might be something that comes up more in Seattle, because we have the Seattle freeze and people having trouble making friends and having deep connections. Do you think that social media has affected people’s ability to be really honest and vulnerable in relationships? And this is like a very broad swath of questioning, but I’m kind of curious if you’ve noticed that, because I know it contributes to people’s decline in mental health. But do you notice people struggling for those really open conversations that help them feel connected to people?

STEPHANIE WONG

I think there are layers to it. I think the pandemic did not help. I’m seeing a lot of the children who went to school on zoom. My youngest went to school in first grade on zoom, and has very different emotional development than my older one. And as they went back to school, they’re learning more and more, but there needs to be some catching up now, since the pandemic, even with adults. I also see that it’s taking some kind of recall, memory, or resocialization to actually have conversations, even human to human, person to person, and that social media can create a barrier to having those conversations. I mean, some people that we talked to on our podcast, we’ve never met in person, yet we feel close to them, and then when you meet them,  and knock on wood, I haven’t had that, but it could feel awkward because there is an actual physical, technological barrier between people. So even when we were taught to provide therapy, we think having a table in between the therapist and the client as a physical barrier between building the relationship, and that’s parallel to what may be going on here. I think initially, these networking applications were made to help people connect, but now it’s almost like you have a technology alter ego, and then there’s really you, and it’s hard for people to differentiate which is which.

NICOLE

It’s true. I mean, I actually feel different sometimes when I am online, versus in person. And even just what I’m wearing, because I’m like, okay, you can’t see the bottom half. I’m just going to wear whatever, right? Versus, I’m going to an in-person event, and I have to wear pants. 

STEPHANIE WONG

I know, isn’t that weird? Now I’m like, do I have to wear pants? Because I love sweatpants.

NICOLE

And I’m like, my shoes are gonna match this whole outfit, right? There’s just much more thought going on, and many times I’ve met my online friends in person, and I’m like, you’re tall!. Or they’re just different from what I expected. Also their energy is really different in person than it is online, too. And so it is fascinating what you’re saying, that adults have had just as much trouble with that as the kids, post-pandemic.

What would you say then, for people who are like, okay, I would like to help start resolving this. I would like to feel more connected to the people in my life and feel like I really know what’s going on, and have a feeling for this community.

STEPHANIE WONG

It’s tough, right? Because people are all over different states, countries and things like that. But I think my husband and I do a pretty good job of making time and keeping those times, as if they were appointments or work commitments, to visit people and to invite them over to our house. We just got one of those automatic mahjong tables. My mom lives with us, so we play every night, but we invite a fourth seat over and we rotate, and that kind of brings people together. It doesn’t have to be these grand things of flying to see each other, but if you do live locally, too, and you get busy, we don’t necessarily even make the time to see people 20 or 30 minutes away, because you got to wear pants and you got to drive, even more of a barrier now that we have technology usage! But I think just really being intentional about what you value in terms of relationships, and living consistently with that value of connection.

NICOLE

I love that you have a fourth spot at the mahjong table. I have a tap class, and we were talking about doing a mahjong night, too, because we have one anyway. I was like, oh, yeah, just having people over sometimes feels foreign to us, or doesn’t occur to us, or we’re only doing it for our kids instead of being like, no, actually I just want to have an adult friend come to my house and hang out and play games or something. 

What would you say, as we’re doing this work, we built up all these filters and we’ve built up all of these barriers and boundaries, what are the simple, easy things we could even do in a day, like a regular work day, to start to take it down to, okay, today I’m going to be a little bit more open or available, or trying to make that shift?

STEPHANIE WONG

Well, I think that’s part of the intention, right? How do we make time for the things that matter most to us? And one of the things about the podcast is connection. I’ve always said I’ve made such great friends, and been able to meet them in person. Taking the time to meet you is very important to me. And so we’re like, let’s squeeze it in, you know, let’s finish. You have to make sacrifices. Can you accommodate that within your life? So I have been using a passion planner for the past, I don’t know, eight years. And this is not like, oh, give me an affiliate thing. This is something that I actually use to work and collaborate with my friends on, in terms of mapping out goals, having to do lists, both personal and professional, and that includes putting down when I am meeting with my friends and my family. What are my goals in terms of really connecting with people? So I have to be pretty honest with myself. Like, am I burning myself out? And in fact, most of the time, I am. So I’m like, all right, next week I’m going to be taking a mental health day and I encourage my staff to do that too. I think it’s really having a daily, hourly self-assessment to see what I need to do to intervene, and protect me, from myself.

NICOLE

Yes, I feel that’s half the battle. What’s going on with you? What patterns and habits are you falling into that’s keeping people at a distance, in general? And would you say too, that it’s more of a struggle with AAPI communities, or this is just like for you, with the book. It’s like just a general struggle for people in current times?

STEPHANIE WONG

I think contextually most people are having difficulty connecting, like I mentioned, especially with the tech usage. But you know, I wouldn’t say specifically AAPI individuals have a hard time connecting. I think that what I really do love about the AAPI community is, people do try to welcome you, people do try to bring you in. There are a lot of organizations that are doing some great work, and it is really up to people to connect and reach out to those organizations as well. So I see it as a dual relationship. People can really avoid these situations for a number of reasons, and maybe their identity isn’t as salient for them right now. The whole point though, is  finding communities and people that really bring you up and lift you up. It doesn’t have to be specific demographics, but do you feel supported?

NICOLE

Yeah, I think that is so important. I always feel that for myself. It’s like where do I feel supported? And then to keep gravitating to those people and sticking with them and helping that to happen. I think that this podcast too, for me, has been a really great place for that. So I’m curious for you, because this is the School of Self-Worth, where would you say your self-worth journey has been? For you to publish  ‘Cancel the Filter’, and to be able to share your story, because it’s not easy to talk about the raw, ugly things that you don’t really want people to know about?

STEPHANIE WONG

It’s been a long journey and seeing some parallels between my oldest, and how I was in middle school and high school. I mean, it’s just freaking awkward, right? Like you’re going through all these changes, the socialization, the clicks and all these things. I’ve been with my husband since high school and I learned unconditional love from him, and that I can be the person that I am. Even when someone loves you for all the ugly sides, and I’m not talking about looks, like waking up in the morning. But when you may have a really bad day and they can still say, ‘let me be there for you’. I mean, of course, within reason – we’re not talking about domestic violence or anything like that. But that has really helped my self-confidence and feel like, you know what, I can be who I am.

Of course, I’ve been to therapy, and I continue to do some self-awareness work, but if you have supportive people that can give you that feedback and also reinforce and validate you, like “‘You know what? You are a good person”. That really has helped me tremendously, because people believe in you and you also have to believe in yourself. I also have to say, forget the haters. There’s always going to be haters. And I’m not just talking about online or whatnot, but in work environments, some people are just not very supportive. Because there are people out there, and to try not over-generalize that this person is representative of everybody. That’s really, really hard when you’re young.

NICOLE

Yeah, I think it’s such a process, and when you’re young, it happens. And then you have to keep reminding yourself it’s not true. Or if there are haters when you’re older, staying, like you said, with the people who are supportive. I’m curious for you, like putting a book out is a huge self-worth journey, how it’s been showing up for you with putting ‘Cancel the Filter’ into the world?

STEPHANIE WONG

I think it’s a little bit exhausting, actually, writing the book. Going through 20 iterations plus, was difficult. And part of it is, I’m a psychologist. I’m not a book marketer, you know? So the reason why I even reached out to you about the book, is because I don’t just randomly mass email people on LinkedIn. That’s becoming a trend, and I don’t knock it, but that’s other people’s marketing thing.

But I want to actually connect with people that may have similar values to me. And it’s interesting that, you know, at the end of my book is really how I talk about BTS being my sanity and really lifting my mood up. In fact, I watched the Disney Permission to Dance concert the other day, and I was like, dang, I really miss them, and going to that concert made me reminisce, you know? So I think what was helpful about the book is, at least it’s a conversation starter with people, and connecting with them, and for a lot of parents and working mothers of color, it has opened up some conversations that weren’t being had with some folks.

NICOLE

That’s really powerful. I love that you see it as a connector, because you put all that effort into a book. You have to feel like there’s something happening with it that feels really good, when you’re putting it out into the world. And then I will also totally agree with you about BTS, because I got into them during the pandemic, when I was separated from my ex at the time, and I was just by myself, and I would watch videos. And then I found my community of people. I was also in LA, by the way, on day three, and I was like, these seven men are connecting people through their talent and who they are. It was so powerful for me to feel connected to people who I literally have never met, and will probably never meet. Well, let’s never say never! I also have goals of someday meeting them in person. 

STEPHANIE WONG

And I always joke with my family, like, I just want to be friends with them, and they’re like, yeah, okay. I mean, when you come over for that fourth seat, you’ll see my Time magazine. I’ve been in the BTS army since 2017 when they made their American debut. So I have all the stuff. Like disposable income after I pay my bills and save for retirement and everything, goes to their stuff.  I probably have more stuffed animals than my daughters. That’s so sad. But I have no shame about it.

NICOLE

That’s hilarious. I actually laugh because my office is half work stuff and half BTS, so I’m doing the same.

STEPHANIE WONG

That’s all I see. Notebooks, alarm clocks, everything. My Lego set display case, although I keep knocking down the ice cream cones. 

NICOLE 

Yes, I’m with you. It’s sort of that piece of how to bring us together. As you all can probably tell, we could talk about BTS for a very long time. I will say too, though, they connected me to some people who I really didn’t previously connect to, and we have a little chat and we talk about all the stuff. We stayed up in the middle of the night and watched their live concerts, and texted each other.

There are so many different ways to connect, and I think that’s an important thing for everyone who’s listening. Remember, find the people who lift you up, who make it really positive. Like, we’re going to eat Korean food in New York this weekend, and that is just a part of how we take down those filters, and BTS are such a great example of it, because they get dressed up and ‘kill’ on the stage, and then they’re doing these lives, being themselves – like folding laundry or doing whatever. And there’s millions of people who just want that connection, you know? 

Well, Stephanie, what a joy to have you on. It is time for our rapid fire questions. I should really put a BTS question in here, but we’ll see if I can think that fast. So my first actual question is, what was the last thing you watched on TV?

STEPHANIE WONG

I watched ‘Doctor Slump’ with my family, and when the kids went to bed, my husband and I watched ‘My Demon’.  I’m a huge K drama fan, and that’s why I started learning Korean.

NICOLE

Oh, you can speak Korean?

STEPHANIE WONG

I mean, I can speak as an elementary student, but I’ve been taking it for seven years. 

NICOLE

Oh, that’s a goal that I have not pursued. That’s amazing. Okay, what is on your nightstand? 

STEPHANIE WONG

I do have the BTS book that they put out in their tenure, but I also have several books. Lisa C. book that one of my very close friends gave to me, and the book ‘Being Mortal’, which I just finished, and it does talk about being the author of your own life, even towards the end. Kind of morbid. But it’s important as we think about the aging generation, and what their wishes will be.

NICOLE

Very cool. I haven’t heard of that. I’ll put it on my list. Okay. When was the last time you tried something new, and what was it?

STEPHANIE WONG

Hmm. That’s a good question. Well, I went to Vietnam recently, and that was new, and traveled with my family, including my in-laws, who fled Vietnam during the war and went north, south and central. It was amazing and also eye-opening as to what could have been for the family, if they had not fled.

NICOLE

Yeah, I’m sure that was so impactful. Thank you. Okay, last one, really simple. What are your top three most used emojis?

STEPHANIE WONG

I’m going to pull it up right now. The cry/laughing emoji, purple heart and smiley face.

NICOLE

Perfect. Well, everybody, we will link how to get her book in the show notes. What’s the best way to reach you, Stephanie?

STEPHANIE WONG

Oh, you can visit us@colorsuccesspodcast.com and the book ‘Cancel the Filter’ is on Amazon, and you know I’d love to hear from you guys.

NICOLE

Well, congratulations. It’s such a huge accomplishment to have a big project like that in the world, and thank you so much for coming on the podcast. It’s been just a joy to have this conversation.

STEPHANIE WONG

Nicole, you’re amazing. You’re great at listening and providing that empathic, safe space, I so enjoyed you as an interviewer.

 NICOLE

Thank you so much for tuning into today’s episode. Before you go, don’t forget, if you are a high-achieving woman who wants to uncover your biggest blind spots preventing fast intuitive decisions, I’ve got a 72-second assessment for you, so make sure to DM me quiz @ nicoletsong on Instagram, and thank you for being here and for listening. We read every note that we get from you about how the podcast is making a difference in your life. Please know how much we appreciate each and every one of you.

Until next time, I’m Nicole Tsong, and this is the School of Self-Worth.