Dina was raised in a hyper-achieving culture that proved to be a sneaky saboteur her entire life. It wasn’t until she suddenly lost her best friend to a brain tumor that she realized she needed to start prioritizing herself and her mental health. Her heartbreaking loss kicked off a deep awakening of self-esteem and worthiness that led to a big focus on inner work to live a purposeful life.
Pivoting careers while working to overcome childhood trauma as well as an isolated pregnancy during the pandemic, Dina found a new purpose in life to help others live their life meaningfully and colorfully. Tune into this episode to learn how Dina broke free from her childhood conditioning of being a hyper-achiever and leaned into self-love and her inner divinity.
Are you ready to release your inner critic to step into a life filled with self-love and acceptance? Then this episode is for you.
Dina Lobo is a global transformational coach, certified trauma specialist, and CEO of Transformational Spark Coaching. With a passion for prioritizing mental and emotional wellness in the workplace, Dina has revolutionized work environments for individuals and businesses alike. She has appeared as an expert on top media outlets such as NBC, FOX, CBS, and The List, and has shared her insights on leadership, unlocking fears, confidence, and healing through challenges on stages and virtual summits alongside renowned personalities. Through her work, Dina has become a trusted expert in the field of workplace wellness and is dedicated to helping individuals and organizations thrive.
“When I cut down all of the noise, I connected to my beliefs, and I saw that my internal divinity was so powerful that not only did I give birth, not only was I able to become a mom. I’ve reversed my inflammation with no surgeries.”
“My deep awakening was when I lost my best friend in Dubai at the age of 40. It came like lightning so quickly. We were at my sister’s bachelorette party, and we had the greatest time. The next couple of days following the party, I realized that she got seizure attacks. She was diagnosed with third stage of brain tumor, and she was gone so quickly. She told me that all you have is today. I realized that I was creating this false illusion that I have a lifetime to focus on myself or to do things that I love. That is when I realized I needed to stop doing things for others all the time and start doing things for myself, put myself first, and live my life colorfully and meaningfully. That means really being expressive of who I am and creating a safe space around me.”
“For me, when I was able to really accept my story and tell people who I am, look at my fears and acknowledge them, validate them while separating myself through all of that, I started trusting in my abilities.”
“My journey really began in investing with mentors and coaches. I realized the power of proximity. I realized how important it is to have a coach in your pocket or in your place, where it is unconditional, where it is safe, where you can cry, you can have tools, and you can seek support. That was the changing moment in my life. When I really started showing grace in my life and I saw the safe space that I was creating around me, people started showing up in my life very differently.”
“The first step is just facing the mirror and really showing grace to yourself because it is so hard. When we have our challenges and trauma, we do not accept ourselves just the way we are. As humans, we’re so wired to first see the negative things. We are so tapped and tuned into the fears that we just forget ourselves in the process. What I really teach and practice as well is that the reflection that I see is a true human who can be my friend, and that friend has a story. So what story do I want to listen in today with no judgment whatsoever, and with unconditional love? If I can just accept her with open arms to show a little bit of love and say, ‘ I’m here, what do you want support with today? What can I do for you to feel better today?”
NICOLE
Hello and welcome back to another episode of School of Self-Worth. I sat down this week with Dina Lobo, a global transformational coach, and CEO of Transformational Spark Coaching. She helps individuals and businesses revolutionize workplace culture with mental and emotional wellness. In this conversation, Dina shares how she overcame childhood trauma and an isolating pregnancy in the middle of the pandemic to see her own internal divinity and really love her life. Her biggest awakening was realizing her job was not to fix other people or herself. When she saw that, she started to see major shifts in her own life. If you’re a high-achieving woman of color wanting to release the inner critic and step into your own power, this conversation is for you.
Right? So Dina, I’m so excited you’re here. Dina is a global transformational coach and I am so excited to welcome you to School of Self-Worth. Dina and I got connected through a mastermind group where we met other coaches. It’s been really fun to watch your journey and your growth over time as a coach and in your business. I’m so excited to be here with you.
Before we get into that, I would love to hear your journey, particularly around self-worth. What brought you to the place where you were out there in the world speaking, appearing on television shows? Could you give us the beginning piece of where you started to realize it was time for you to go on this journey of transformation and growth yourself?
DINA LOBO
I’ll start by sharing a bit about my background. I’ve lived in multiple countries and different cultures, but I was raised in India, where the environment was very punitive and competitive. I think being a hyper-achiever is in my blood, and it’s also a big saboteur for me because nothing I did was ever good enough. I always had leadership skills from a young age, but I was also conditioned to not speak too much or express myself emotionally. Even though I had a great childhood with all my material needs met, I felt a lack of emotional attachment and support. This led me to seek wrong relationships, partnerships, and friendships, where I tried to fit in and belong. It also affected my health, as I developed inflammation and had to undergo multiple surgeries.
Four years ago, I was working as a financial services manager at the bank, helping people with their finances and mindset. But I felt that I was meant to do something bigger because going to work 9 to 5 was not fulfilling for me. I had lost myself in the process of finding my purpose, and I had experienced trauma from my health challenges, my childhood, and the toxic work culture that I faced.
Three years ago, I was talking to my husband about planning a family, which was scary for me because of my health issues. But one thing that I was confident about was my persistence and my ability to manifest what I wanted. Even though I didn’t know the words like manifestation, law of attraction, or neuroscience, I had used them to come to Canada, marry the love of my life, move to this beautiful house, and become a mom. I didn’t give up even when my doctors were pessimistic. I was so focused on my intention and attention that I was able to conceive in one try and give birth during the peak of the pandemic, even though I had to do it all by myself.
When I cut down all the noise and connected to my beliefs, I saw that my internal divinity was so powerful that it not only helped me become a mom but also reversed my inflammation and healed me. Now I’m living the life that I love. So this is a little bit about myself.
NICOLE
Thank you so much for sharing your powerful story. I can’t imagine how it was to give birth by yourself during the lockdown, without anyone else in the hospital with you. That must have been a huge experience.
DINA LOBO
At the very last minute, my husband was allowed to be there. Yeah, it was quite traumatizing for sure, because I had to go back for multiple surgeries all by myself after that. So yes, that definitely added a lot of like anxiety and depression and all that.
NICOLE
That sounds incredibly difficult. I’m so glad you’re on the other side of that. I’m curious about something. You said you were great at getting the things that you wanted, like the husband, the house, and the kid. I see this a lot with high-achieving women. They’re powerful in some areas of their life, but they struggle to apply it in others. How did you start to do that? Have you always had that skill? Were you able to create things in your life as a young child?
DINA LOBO
I think I discovered my leadership skills as an adult. I wanted to be like my cousins who were engineers, doctors, and lawyers. I had to give up my sports because people told me I couldn’t have a career with that. I was the shortest in my team, but I was also the sports captain and the rotary club president. I loved service and doing something from a young age. But I challenged myself out of ego, not passion. I became an engineer, but I didn’t work in software. I flew to Dubai and reestablished myself in sales and marketing. Now I see how all these dots connected because as a business owner, I need all those skills. God put me through all these things and shaped me for this point. I own all the negative experiences because they were my learning lessons.
The real awakening for me was when I realized that the problem was not to fix others or myself. It was to accept myself just the way I am and show up authentically. That’s when things started shifting in my life.
NICOLE
You said that when you stopped trying to fit into a certain mold and started to see yourself for who you really are, that’s when your life began to blossom. Is that what you meant?
DINA LOBO
Yes, I think early on I would just roll over and take the blame for anything, or I would hesitate to show up. I would start somewhere great, but then things would go downhill, even in friendships. Fitting in was a way for me to soothe myself when I felt the intense emotions of highs and lows and disconnection from who I truly was.
So, to answer your question, I think it was very important for me to realize that I carried that pattern into adulthood, and it started affecting my loved ones. I decided that this was not the way it was going to work. I had to accept myself for who I am. I couldn’t change the fact that my parents didn’t have access to mental health resources. It’s still so backward in Asian culture. So I made myself a priority with personal development and focused on tuning and tapping into my desires and feeling safe in my own skin. I also started telling people who I truly am and creating my space and boundaries. That was very important to me, and that’s when I noticed that the people around me started shifting.
For the longest time, I was such a people pleaser and did everything for everyone else, like the job, the false relationships, the partnerships, and all of that. But I realized that it wasn’t me. It wasn’t my core value. I was just painting the picture of this conditioning of trying to fit in and prove my identity, just trying to be there. But for the most part, I was running away from who I was. The awakenings that came into my life were through my own health issues, challenges, and questions. I had to realize that I couldn’t bleed onto my loved ones.
NICOLE
Well, what you’re saying about conditioning is powerful around like how you were conditioned to do a lot of this stuff, and I think that a lot of people, the listeners too, all experience that where we’re like conditioned to be, and myself included. Conditioned to go after goals, to be ambitious, to be high achievers, to work really hard on things that we’re actually not really called to, but we just feel like we need to hit those goals for whatever reason. What helped you shed that conditioning? Because you said you also come from a culture that puts a ton of value and priority on that, and so do I as well, around like education and the kind of job you have, so what helped you start to separate yourself from the conditioning?
DINA LOBO
I think the deep awakening was when I lost my best friend in Dubai at the age of 40. It came like lightning, so quickly. We were at my sister’s bachelorette party and we had a great time. And then, you know, following that event, the next couple of days I realized that she had seizure attacks and she was diagnosed with third-stage brain tumor. And she was gone so quickly. And these words really resonated with me, that she told me: “All you have is today.” You know, I realized that I was creating this false illusion of having a lifetime to focus on me or to do things that I love. That’s when I realized I needed to stop doing things for others all the time and start doing things for myself, put myself first, and live my life colorfully and meaningfully. And that means really being expressive of who I am and creating a safe space around me. That was just a wake-up call, that all we have is today.
Nothing is guaranteed, but what I can pass along is the legacy, the true habits for my daughter. How is my mama showing up when there are challenges? That is something that I learned from my friend, that she told me: “Dina, I didn’t have the time to create a family or to marry the love of my life or to become a mom, but you have the time right now. And make it worth it.” So this is when there was that awakening of my self-esteem, my worthiness, of who I truly am, what do I deserve in life. And that just gave me a whole new perspective of not to take things for granted or to pity myself or to do that self-blame thing. But really accept me, face my fears head-on, just seek help, professional help. Like this was a big one because again coming from Asian culture, like we’ve been taught to keep our secrets for ourselves.
Vulnerability was a big thing for me, like you know, you have to show yourself as so tough. I got that from my sportsmanship, being that as well as other things that I’ve done in my high school, my university, my college as a young adult. All of the things that shaped me were fear of vulnerability. You know, that was really hard as a woman, especially. It is for high-achieving women. It is really hard for us to lower that emotional barrier, so I had to work through all of that. And now it’s so amazing that we can connect with a beautiful human story and each one of us has that.
For me, when I was able to really accept my story and tell people who I am and head-on look at my fears and acknowledge them, and validate them and separate myself from them, I started trusting in my abilities. And that was magical.
NICOLE
Really beautiful. Well, I’m curious, when your friend passed then, for you that was like the moment where you’re like, okay I’ve been wasting my time worrying about what other people think, or living my life according to some plan that isn’t actually the right one for you. And then you ask for help. So I’m curious about what kind of help you started to receive at that time, or started to ask for?
DINA LOBO
Yes, so that was when I was in Dubai. I had a good job, but I didn’t have the greatest work-life balance. I was really a workaholic, and then weekends were all about friends, and a little family time. But I didn’t really do anything for myself, in terms of spending some time just in nature, doing something mindful. I didn’t know anything about energetics. You know, just honoring me for who I am. I did not have any kind of self-care routine. None of that. No meditations whatsoever, no exercising. It was really bad.
I think that’s when I started seeing my challenges in my health and I saw that my coping mechanisms were not healthy. And one of the ways that I was trying to soothe myself was seeking outer validation. And that was through friends and everybody else, or binge-watching. So this wasn’t healthy and I think that was my wake-up call. So yes, one of those incidents was losing my friends, but also there were several other incidents that made me realize it was time for me to do something to honor myself and to really live a purposeful life that is meant for me.
NICOLE
Yeah, I would say health breakdowns is a really common theme among many women. I feel like we don’t want to have those rock-bottom moments and I don’t recommend them. But all of us have had them, me included. And oftentimes it is that moment where your health is just staring you in the face and you’re like, ‘I cannot actually go on like this and I have to make some changes’. It sounds like that was the experience for you. And then I’m curious for you, what really started to help you get out of that? Like what were the changes you started to make?
DINA LOBO
I think when I shifted the focus and really started understanding myself, I gave myself the grace. That was the biggest one because I was very critical. Like everything had to look so good and perfect around people and you know, I just made every little effort to make it look so beautiful around me, right? So I think the challenging perspective was, how can I just love myself just the way I am? And that for me was not just the external beauty, but really the internal love. Like really accepting me with all those negative experiences that I’ve been through, that caused me pain, that made me believe certain voices that were not mine, but I solidified them over years and years and years. And now it was time for me to really accept that part of me, and really show some love. That was very challenging.
The minute I did that, I think people started showing up in my life very differently. Like God, universe put opportunities in front of me. Like I would open Facebook and I would see someone like, oh, I just want to hire this person as my mentor because she’s talking my language. This is when I think I started having that heart and brain coherence where I was sending those signals out, and people were showing up in my life. So this was four or five years ago when my journey really began in investing with mentors and coaches. Although my personal development began six or seven years ago, but really, you know, I realized the power of proximity. I realized how important it is to have a coach in your pocket or on your phone. Where it is unconditional, where it is safe, where it is like you can cry, you can have tools, you can seek support. So that was the changing moment in my life. When I really started showing grace in my life and I saw that safe space that I was creating around me, people started showing up in my life, and that was beautiful.
NICOLE
Thank you for sharing that. I think for so many women, especially women of color, and then I also feel like women in general, are really conditioned to not ask for help, particularly in American society. They really have this idea like I have to go it alone, I have to figure it out. And I feel like the internet almost makes it worse because you’re like, I can find anything I need on YouTube, you know like I can find anything I need on the internet. And then we suffer because we don’t actually have the kind of deeper support that you’re talking about, where you can really be yourself, you can really share deeply with somebody and then you can also get the support. Because I always think of coaching this way. It’s like, how do you get there faster and easier? It’s not that we can’t do it, because you and I have both had many experiences where it’s been hard, it’s been challenging.
I also would never give up any of my difficult experiences because I learned so much from them. And I also have learned now, like I always kind of laugh whenever something comes up that’s challenging in my life, I’m like, well, who can I hire to help me out? Because that’s how I’ll just make my life way easier. I mean, truly, like when I was single a couple of years ago, I was like, I’m going to hire a dating coach. Like that’s what they’re there for. They’re there to make this easier. And they absolutely did. You know, the coach I had totally helped me with online dating. And that’s just a side example. But I feel like oftentimes we get really caught up in this idea that we have to go it alone versus realizing there is so much support out there for all of us.
Right? I think that’s also stemming from that conditioning of when you have so much in your bank account or when you have that kind of personality, then you can get that partner or when you have that kind of money, then you have that leverage to hire someone. You know, you don’t need this. I have not had this access to personal development whatsoever in any sort of my education, even during my engineering. So yes, mental health was such a challenging thing because I did not have that kind of emotional intelligence. Like we didn’t know where to go and talk about all our struggles and challenges. Yes, it was with friends, but you didn’t have tools. All you did was to cry and then forget about it and then it just manifested in one or the other ways. So yes, having professional support and having coaches is extremely helpful.
Well, I love what you’re saying too about girlfriends. Like I love my girlfriends and any of your girlfriends listening, I love you guys. And you’re not a coach or professional support. It really is true. I will always think of my friends as those we sit down with and we catch up, and I tell them about my life. But if there’s something really deep that’s occurring for me, that’s when I go to get help, because there are certain things that we really need support on, that a friend is not really qualified for, frankly. I actually feel like it’s unfair to ask friends to do the support work when really we need somebody who is a professional, who has a lot of experience and can actually help with that.
DINA LOBO
Yes, I think I relate with that. Totally agree.
NICOLE
That’s such a good point, Dina. And so what would you say then for somebody who’s at the beginning of this journey, someone like you were several years ago and just starting to learn the self-love practice? Because I feel like we talk about self-love a lot and I find it to be a much more complex, layered thing to develop. It takes time, it takes a lot of support. But what would you say for somebody who’s starting to enter that journey? Like where would you even help them to start to begin?
DINA LOBO
I think the first step, really what I do with my clients as well, is just facing the mirror and really showing grace to yourself. Because it is so hard when we have our challenges and trauma, we do not accept ourselves just the way we are, and it is just that way. As humans, we’re so wired to first see the negative things, right? When is the shoe going to drop next? What is that person going to say? What is my boss going to complain about tomorrow? What is my partner going to complain about the food that I made or the money that I bring in today? So constantly, we are so trapped and tuned into fears that we just forget ourselves in the process of the personality, the joy that we bring in.
I think for myself, what I really teach and focus on, what I practice as well, is the person, the reflection that I see, is a true human, and that can be my friend. And that friend has a story. So, every day I look into her eyes, there is a story. What story do I want to listen to today? Just with no judgment whatsoever, with unconditional love. If I can just accept her and just with open arms, show a little bit of love, and say that I’m here. What do you want support with today? What can I do to make you feel better today?
Those powerful questions, when I started asking them, there were so many stories, Nicole. It was layers and layers and layers of peeling, and you know, putting myself out there through all of these wins and telling her how proud I am of her and parenting her…. So that was my first step. Really looking into her eyes and seeing a friend in her and accepting her stories and seeing the positive side of that learning, and not being shameful. Because shame is an intense emotion that women don’t know what to do with, and that hinders your confidence.
I have a lot of women come and tell me how they don’t have confidence. I don’t think I am deserving of this or the work that I’m doing. I don’t think I have the skill set for this. Or I don’t think I deserve this partner. I don’t think I deserve another $500 or whatever in my bank account. And so all that stems from what could be a simple experience that we’ve had as a child, or from our past relationship, but we don’t know where it stems from.
There are so many stories that have been layered upon layer. And so it’s so important as we face her head on, what is it that I can just listen to, with no judgment, that she wants to just vent, you know, just speak up? And so when I’m giving her a chance to do that, oh, it’s getting out of my system. I’m starting to feel so much lighter and happier now that I’m creating space for something exciting in my life. So that little win, when I send that signal out, people show up. Opportunities click in. You know, someone wants to talk to you now, and you know things show up. And that little win gives me a little boost, and then I go again, and what’s that little heavy story now? I can handle it. So I’m not asking about a very traumatizing story to start with, but little things. Like as a child, what do you connect with as soon as you see her in the mirror? And that was the first thing that I did and absolutely, even to this day, when I hit those lows, that exercise just gets me back into balance.
NICOLE
Thank you for sharing that. I love the idea. I always think of it as like my best friend and I am my own best friend. And so what you’re speaking to is very similar. It’s like you actually just go talk to your best friend and she’s you. And you look at her and you ask her what she would do if she was giving you advice. And then that separation is really powerful. So that is such a beautiful tip for everybody, to just start looking in the mirror at yourself and asking for some thoughts and suggestions from your best friend, YOU.
Yes. Okay, so lovely. Well, Dina, that is such a powerful tip for everybody who is here and I would love to do a few rapid-fire questions with you. Are you up for that? Okay, they’re really fun. They’re very simple. And so, what was the last thing that you watched on television?
DINA LOBO
Oh, that’s something exciting, Nicole. Okay, the last thing that I watched on television. I’m trying to think now. I don’t watch television to be very honest. I’m always on my phone on YouTube and stuff like that. I think it would have been a podcast and that was Jen Gottlieb’s podcast. That would be the last thing that I just recently remember. But in terms of a movie, my daughter that I watched The Jungle Book. Oh yes, that’s the last thing that I remember.
NICOLE
Oh, The Jungle Book. How sweet. A lot of people say it is the last thing they watched with their child. So that is awesome. Okay, beautiful. And then what is on your nightstand?
DINA LOBO
On my nightstand, I have a lamp, I have two books that I’m currently reading. One on boundaries, one on showing myself grace around parenting. Those two books are on my nightstand, and then I have some things to really calm myself down in terms of like unwinding spray and then just a little bit of essential oils. I really love essential oils and it just calms me down. And then I have a little book light. You know that little stand that goes on the book. That just helps me unwind for the day and just preparing myself for bed.
NICOLE
I love it. We’re getting insight into your evening ritual which I love because those are really powerful. Okay, beautiful. And then when was the last time you tried something new and what was it?
DINA LOBO
Tried something new and what was it? So, I think just two days ago I went shopping and tried to buy these flare pants and I love them. But I always wanted to buy some long flare pants which were dressy. I have the other ones, but I love these. So I got these pants and I want to rock in them! It’s something new, out of my comfort zone, but I’m thinking I’m happy to do that. Yes.
NICOLE
I love that. Like it’s a new fashion choice. That’s super fun. I love it. Okay, last question is what are your top three most used emojis on your phone?
DINA LOBO
A lot of hearts. I think I use hearts a lot. Yes, and that’s one of them. I use the celebration thing a lot. The sparkle thing a lot as well, because it’s also talking about my brand’s transformational sparks. So I think these three are the things that I use quite a bit. Yes, I think red and pink is something that I use the most.
NICOLE
It’s been such a joy to talk with you about your journey and your experience. Where can people best reach you and find out more about you, or just be in touch with you?
DINA LOBO
Yes, the two main platforms where I post constantly and you can see a lot of my content and engage with me, are Instagram and LinkedIn. And my handle is DINA LOBO Lewis. And there will be show notes on that. I would love for everyone to connect with me. You can send me a DM. We can connect on a quick 30-minute call and that’s just meant to empower you and to motivate you with just one roadblock. And I would love to honor that. As well as if you follow me, you’ll see that I will be hosting alternate monthly challenges, transformational challenges. And these are purely to unlock confidence and to tackle your fears. So it’s a real-time case study to help you, just to inspire you with those two-day live events. You’ll also see more updates on my page. So please go follow me, I can’t wait to support you.
NICOLE
Amazing. Well, everyone, get on that offer. That’s a generous offer for a 30-minute call with Dina. Find her and DM her on Instagram. And we’ll have all of the links to connect with her in our show notes. I’m just really grateful to know you, Dina. You know, we connected like last year, I think, or two years ago, and it’s been just really fun to watch you expand and grow. And it’s really powerful to hear your story about your own worth and value and really seeing who you are. So thank you so much for sharing with the School of Self-Worth audience.
DINA LOBO
Thank you so much for having me, Nicole. It was just great to check in with you today.
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