The Fastest Way to Feel Valued at Work

• The fastest way to feel valued at work  [00:00:00]  
• Outsourcing self-worth to others is learned behavior  [00:04:29]  
• Cultural conditioning impacts how you value yourself  [00:03:33]  
• The brain’s negative thought loops and their impact  [00:07:07]  
• Valuing yourself is the key to being valued by others  [00:08:18]  
• A simple daily practice to build self-worth  [00:09:52]

“Have you ever stopped to ask yourself if you value yourself? Do you see your own gifts? Do you know what is actually special about you?” 

“When you value yourself, that’s when other people value you. When you are in your own confidence and clarity, you know who you are, you know what matters to you, and you’re not worried about whether you’re doing it right.”

“You have 80 – 100,000 thoughts a day… On top of that, 80% of them or so are negative. So now think about how if you’re in a negative spiral or you’re constantly criticizing yourself—totally normal, good to know.”

“It takes months to rewire these negative habits… Although I will tell you it is possible. And when you do break it, that’s actually when we start to really get some new freedom in our lives.”

“Your brain is often running on a repetitive, negative loop, like a wash cycle you can’t turn off. If you’re stuck in self-criticism, it’s totally normal. And it takes intention and time to rewire those mental habits.”

“How can I value myself today? How can I acknowledge myself, praise myself for something that I did and feel worthy of the things that I did and feel my self-worth really come back to myself and not let other people be determining for me how I feel about myself today?”

“The more we can do that, the more we can turn the tide in our brain and we start to see our own reflection and say, oh, wow, you’re pretty awesome. You are pretty great. And you also know the pathway forward. And this is where confidence starts to come in.”

NICOLE

Hello friends, and welcome back to The School of Self-Worth. I’m your host, Nicole Tsong.  Today, we’re going to talk about a hot topic I hear from so many of you—especially my Asian American clients:   What’s the fastest way to feel valued at work?

This question comes up all the time, and I’m really excited to dig into it with you. Because today’s solution? It’s simple. It’s easy. And best of all, you can do it daily.

Before we dive in—if you’re an Asian American corporate leader who wants a clear strategy to be visible and valued in just 10 minutes a day, DM me the word visible on Instagram @nicolesong. I’ve got something there just for you.

Okay friends, let’s jump into this week’s episode.

Welcome to The School of Self-Worth, a podcast for ambitious women who know they are worthy of an astoundingly great life.

Join us weekly as we get on the right side of your intuition, redefine success, and reclaim your self-worth.

I’m your host, Nicole Tsong—an award-winning journalist who left it all behind to become a bestselling author of three books and a work-life balance expert. I help ambitious women unlock their intuition and step into a life of fulfillment and radical joy.

Every week, I bring you meaningful conversations with successful women from all walks of life. They’ll share insights about what it takes to be brave, joyful, and authentic—every single day. Each episode is thoughtfully designed to leave you feeling empowered, with tangible tips that’ll lead you to your next breakthrough.

Let me ask—does this sound familiar?

• Someone tells you, you did great on a project, and suddenly you feel valued.
• You land a new job, and you’re on top of the world.
• You finally get that promotion you’ve been chasing—maybe for months or even years—and life feels perfect.
• You tell your parents, and even though they don’t say much, you see the approval in their eyes. That’s when you feel like you’ve “made it.”
  
  

But here’s the other side of that coin—does this sound familiar, too?

• You receive critical feedback, and your confidence crashes.
• Someone says you’re “too literal,” and it weighs on you for weeks, maybe even months.
• You get acknowledged, but your boss adds there are still “more steps” before you can get the raise or promotion you want.
  
  

And then the doubt creeps in:  What am I doing wrong?

You likely learned all of this from how you grew up—letting other people’s opinions define your worth.

First, I want to say: This is not your fault.  It’s super common—especially if you grew up in Asian cultures that emphasize contribution to the family and the collective. Everything you did reflected not just on you, but on your family, your community.

Now add growing up in a Western culture that celebrates individual achievement. You’re constantly pulled between two worlds.

You might have grown up this way:

• Your parents placed high expectations on your grades—so you felt valuable when you achieved.
• They wanted you to have a secure job—because they were likely immigrants who crossed oceans and made enormous sacrifices for your future.
• You followed the expected path: good college, stable career, checking every box.
  
  

But what this often leads to is giving away your self-worth—to your parents, siblings, extended family, bosses, peers.

So here are the key questions:
Do you value yourself?

Do you see your own gifts?

Do you know what makes you special?

If your answer is, “I think I’d need to ask someone else,” it’s likely that you’re still outsourcing your self-worth to other people’s opinions. And when that happens, your feelings become dependent on what other people say or don’t say.

This is why some days, despite your “successful” life—great job, loving family, a nice car—you still feel… off. Like the goalpost is always moving. And you never really arrive.

There’s another big cultural block I want to bring up here: Praise. Did you grow up in a home where no one said “good job”? Maybe you brought home an A-minus and your parents said, “Not good enough.” Or even if you brought home straight A’s, they simply nodded—like, “That’s what’s expected.”

Now, I’m not saying your parents were wrong. But it’s important to understand how that shaped your relationship with acknowledging yourself.  It’s likely made it hard for you to recognize your own greatness—your own unique contribution to the world.

Here’s one of my favorite brain facts, and if you’ve listened before, you’ve probably heard me share it:

We have 80,000 to 100,000 thoughts a day.
And around 80% of them are negative.
Even more….? 95% of those thoughts are the same ones you had yesterday.

So it’s not just that your mind is busy—it’s that your brain is often running on a repetitive, negative loop. Like a wash cycle you can’t turn off. If you’re stuck in self-criticism, it’s totally normal. And it takes intention and time to rewire those mental habits.

This is something we work on deeply in Your Clear Calling—because breaking these patterns leads to profound personal freedom.

So how do you start shifting how you value yourself?  Here’s the truth:
When you value yourself, others begin to value you.

When you show up with clarity and confidence—when you know who you are and what matters—you stop worrying about doing things “right,” and you start owning what works for you. People respect that. People feel that.

This is why, with so many of my clients, we begin with this exact work. Because the reason they don’t speak up is? ….. they don’t fully value their voice.  The reason they get stuck in the details is?…. they don’t value their big-picture thinking.

You can begin shifting this right now. It’s simple—but not always easy, because rewiring your brain is hard work.  But here’s how to start—with two simple questions: How can I value myself today?
What can I acknowledge or praise myself for?

It might feel strange at first. You may not “feel” like you believe it. But that’s okay. You’re not waiting for the feeling—you’re practicing the focus.

Some clients tell me, “I don’t think I’m that hard on myself.”  But once we start digging in? They realize they’re extremely self-critical. And the harder you are on yourself, the harder it is to feel like you matter—like you truly have something valuable to offer the world.

But I promise you: the more you shift your focus and ask these questions, the more your internal narrative will change.

Ask:  “What’s one thing I did today that I can say, ‘Wow, that was amazing’?” And say it to yourself. Really say it, because this is how you build new pathways in your brain.This is how confidence begins. This is how you become more visible—because you’re no longer hiding the truth of who you are.

And it all starts with one small, powerful question: How can I value myself today?

If this resonated with you, I’d love for you to take a screenshot, share it on Instagram, and tag me @nicolesong.

And if you’re thinking, I want to do this—but I want the full rewiring,  DM me the word visible on Instagram. I’ve got a full system and framework to help you rewire these loops, break out of reactivity, and build deep, lasting self-worth and value.

Let’s start a rich conversation there. Thank you so much for being here—I’ll see you next week.

Thank you again for tuning into today’s episode. Before you go—if you’re a high-achieving woman who wants to uncover your biggest blind spots that are preventing fast, intuitive decisions, I’ve got a 72-second assessment for you. Just DM me the word quiz on Instagram @nicolesong.

We read every note and message you send us. It truly means the world to know how the podcast is impacting your life.

Until next time, I’m Nicole Tsong—and this is The School of Self-Worth.