From Korea to Adoptee to Founder with Grace Yung Foster of The Inclusion Initiative

• Impact of early rejection on self-worth (10:35 – 12:50)
• Importance of embracing identity (18:15 – 20:35)
• Resilience and adaptability (25:50 – 27:45)
• Power of community and representation (32:10 – 35:05)
• Role of education and peer influence (40:00 – 42:15)
• Overcoming perfectionism and seeking authenticity (48:20 – 50:35)

“Growing up as an Asian in a predominantly white community, I constantly felt the need to hide my Asian identity due to the racism and constant reminders that I was different. This deeply affected my self-worth.”

“Adoptees and foster children often adapt by becoming perfectionists, out of a fear of rejection, or by testing boundaries to see if they will be accepted for who they really are.”

“The year 2020 was a pivotal moment for me in reclaiming my Asian American identity. The heightened conversations about race and diversity pushed me to explore my Korean heritage more deeply.”

“Quitting my corporate job allowed me to focus completely on the Inclusion Initiative, which has been a lifeline for adult adoptees and foster care alumni. It’s about representing and empowering my community.”

“Despite achieving success in corporate America, I realized I was still struggling to value myself inherently. My drive was always to prove my worth due to past rejections, rather than recognizing my own intrinsic value.”

“There’s immense value in reclaiming and sharing our personal stories. It’s not just a form of self-healing; it creates a ripple effect that can inspire and uplift others across generations.”

NICOLE  

Hello and welcome back to another episode of the School of Self-Worth. I’m your host, Nicole Tsong. This week, I am thrilled to welcome Grace Yung Foster to our show. I’ve been following Grace on social media for a while and have always admired her story. Grace came to the United States at five years old from Korea as an adoptee. Listening to the details of her journey, I was blown away by her experiences in the foster care system before she was adopted, her life growing up, and how she has stepped into a powerful sense of self-worth. She transitioned from corporate America to nonprofit work, now supporting and empowering other adoptees and foster care alumni. You will truly be inspired by what she shares; she is a remarkable human, and I am so grateful that you all get to know her and the important work she is doing in this world.

Before we get started, if you are a high-achieving Asian American corporate leader ready to permanently reverse cultural conditioning so you can step into your power and thrive, DM me “power” at Nicole Tsong on Instagram, and let’s chat. Okay, friends, let’s dig into this incredible conversation. Welcome to the School of Self-Worth, a podcast for ambitious women who know they are worthy of an astoundingly great life. Join us weekly as we align with your intuition, redefine success, and reclaim your self-worth. I’m your host, Nicole Tsong, an award-winning journalist who left it all behind to become a bestselling author of three books and a work-life balance expert. I help ambitious women unlock their intuition and step into a life of fulfillment and radical joy. Every week, I will bring you diverse and meaningful conversations with successful women from all walks of life who share insights about what it takes to be brave, joyful, and authentic every day.

Every episode is thoughtfully designed to leave you feeling empowered with tangible tips and advice that will lead you to your next breakthrough. Grace, welcome to the School of Self-Worth. It’s amazing to have you here with us.

GRACE YUNG FOSTER

Thanks for having me, Nicole.

NICOLE

I love your story and everything you represent. When guests come onto the School of Self-Worth, I like to discuss their journey into self-worth. You have a really interesting background, so I wonder if you could take us back to the beginning of your life and how you arrived at this point, where you now support and advocate for adoptees. Can you share the start of that journey?

GRACE YUNG FOSTER

Oh, absolutely. For those who don’t know me, I am a transracial, transnational adoptee. I was adopted from Korea into the United States. Being a Korean immigrant in a predominantly white family and community, I went through some pretty horrific experiences both before and during the adoption and foster care processes. These experiences informed my understanding of my value and worth at a YUNG age, based on the fulfillment I provided to a family or community.

From what I know, I was orphaned at about three years old and spent time in a couple of orphanages in Seoul before coming to the U.S. at five years old. I was placed with a family who wanted to, quote, unquote, complete their family. They already had biological children and just wanted one more. After a couple of years, my adoptive parents sat me down and told me, “We don’t want you anymore. You’re a bad kid, and we don’t know what to do with you. You’re going to go to a different family.” Just two days later, social workers came and took me to a different foster home in the U.S. It was quite a wild experience.

I arrived at that new home when I was about seven, and they eventually adopted me when I was around eight.

NICOLE

Before we continue, can you clarify something? Is it possible for someone to adopt you and then later return you to the system? I’m not familiar with how this works, so I’m surprised to hear that.

GRACE YUNG FOSTER  

Yes, that can happen. In my case, the adoption was never formalized.

NICOLE   

Oh, I see. So you were technically still a ward of the state.

GRACE YUNG FOSTER  

Exactly, I was still a foster child.

NICOLE   

That’s fascinating. I’m sure you’ll elaborate on how this all impacted you, but please continue.

GRACE YUNG FOSTER  

My story is unique to me, but the scenario isn’t as uncommon as people think. In the family I was placed with, there were many foster and adoptive kids. I witnessed the cyclical movement of children coming in and out of the home, being told they were going to be adopted, or being returned to the foster care system. Throughout my years there, I saw how that messaging impacted the kids’ self-worth and how they learned to value or devalue themselves. It was heartbreaking. While some kids had great experiences and were adopted long-term, many of us, myself included, left the home feeling rejected and grappling with questions like, “Who am I?” and “What is my value in this world?” If I couldn’t even have a family that wanted me, what value did I truly bring?

This struggle persisted into my young adulthood. As I ventured into school and my professional life, these questions remained a significant part of my journey. Long story short, on paper, I became a success story. I did well in life, but having gone through the foster system and broken adoptions, I learned to adopt a “take no prisoners” mentality. I didn’t care what others thought; I was determined to prove my worth. If I wasn’t valuable to my adoptive family, I was going to be valuable in the workplace. I poured everything into my career, embodying the archetype of the overworker and overachiever.

After nearly 15 years of climbing the corporate ladder, I looked in the mirror one day and realized I was still struggling with self-worth. I hadn’t learned to value myself; I was still allowing others to dictate my worth. About two years ago, I decided to quit my job and address a community that was hurting but lacked resources, especially for adults who are adoptees and have experienced foster care. Once you’re out of the system, it’s as if you’re told, “Good luck, you’re on your own.” But we still need support and resources to navigate adulthood authentically. I didn’t want others with my lived experience to feel alone and isolated, so I launched the Inclusion Initiative, a platform that elevates, resources, and builds community for adoptees and foster alumni.

NICOLE   

What a powerful story, Grace. I have so many questions, but first, what a journey! As you were talking about compensating through high achievement, it strikes me that you could have easily gone in the opposite direction and given up. Do you remember when you started to excel academically and in your career? Was it in junior high or high school?

GRACE YUNG FOSTER  

I’ve been driven ever since I can remember. When I was placed in my first home in the U.S., I internalized the message that I had to be what they wanted me to be to avoid being given up. I was terrified of being abandoned. My constant objective was to stay in the home, so I learned to prove my worth by being a good kid—doing chores, eating my vegetables, and caring for younger children in a large family. This mindset became ingrained in me.

NICOLE   

Did you notice similar tendencies among your siblings or other foster kids? Is this a common theme?

GRACE YUNG FOSTER  

There is diversity in experiences, but many of us do share that tendency. Some children try to be perfect to avoid rejection, while others might act out to test acceptance, refusing to be the “perfect kid” in hopes of being accepted for who they are. These two extreme tendencies often manifest in our community.

NICOLE   

That makes sense. Now, let’s fast forward to your career. What kind of work did you start doing after college?

GRACE YUNG FOSTER  

I began working before college. My college journey was untraditional; I got kicked out of a private school after my first year, went to community college, and eventually transferred to a state school. It took me about nine years to finish my undergraduate degree while working in the hospitality industry. My first professional job was in sales and event production for a hotel, which was an interesting start to my career.

NICOLE   

That’s fascinating! After working in the professional world for a while, you realized it wasn’t fulfilling anymore. Many women listening can relate to that journey. Coming from your background, it must have taken a lot to leave that secure job to start something new. How did you recognize that it was time to make that leap?

GRACE YUNG FOSTER  

I had some practice with it ten years ago when I transitioned from corporate sales to the nonprofit sector. Many questioned my decision to leave a successful corporate career for a nonprofit job. But I wanted to live by my values and support those who needed help, like I did growing up. The nonprofit world was a significant shift for me, but my life experiences had prepared me to navigate this new environment. 

When I decided to leave the nonprofit sector and start my own venture, it was scary yet familiar. I had grown comfortable in the nonprofit world, but I felt a strange discomfort with that stability. Launching my own initiative felt like a return to my comfort zone, even if it was terrifying.

NICOLE   

That’s powerful. Your resilience shines through, especially given your background. For many, making a change can be daunting, but it seems you found strength in your past experiences. I’m curious about how your Korean identity and culture have influenced your sense of self-worth, especially being adopted into predominantly white families. Have you articulated how this has affected you? I’m just curious about that journey into that connection and relationship to that side of yourself.

GRACE YUNG FOSTER  

Yes. Being Asian was always a negative aspect of my identity when I was growing up. I felt ashamed of it, largely due to the racism I experienced and the messages I received from those around me. The subtle, and sometimes not-so-subtle, reminders that I was different made me feel like I didn’t belong. This was true in the family I was placed with, in my community, and later in predominantly white workplaces. It was a constant reminder of my difference, leading to a deep-seated self-loathing during my childhood.

I believe many Asian immigrants can relate to this experience. When they come to the U.S. and are not surrounded by their community, they often feel pressured to conform to the image of the “typical American.” I grew up wanting blonde hair and blue eyes, hating how I looked. I was often told I looked funny and that I wasn’t beautiful because I was Asian. Coupled with stereotypes and biases, even comments like, “Wow, you speak English so well!” contributed to a lot of internalized racism. At the time, I didn’t recognize it as such; all I knew was that I had to present as white as possible—speak, dress, and act in ways that would help me blend in. I could never change my appearance, but I thought that if I styled and carried myself in a “white” manner, maybe my Asian identity wouldn’t matter as much.

Looking back now, it’s painful to see some of those memories and photos. I was a cute kid and an attractive young adult, yet when I looked in the mirror, all I saw was ugliness and hatred for my appearance. Those years are lost to me now.

However, I am grateful for the journey of reclaiming my identity as an adoptee and a foster child, which has helped me embrace my Asian American identity. I only have two pictures of myself in the orphanage and very few from my childhood. Looking at those orphanage photos makes me sad because I have nothing else connecting me to Korea. I lost the language, and my name was changed for me; it was made up because no one knew who I was. I spent decades avoiding Korean food, dissociating myself from my Asian identity. Now, it’s my go-to comfort food.

I lost so many years of embracing my Korean heritage, which is a core part of who I am. I was born in Korea, and losing that connection hurts deeply. When 2020 came, it was a pivotal year for me to understand how I fit in as an Asian American. I didn’t feel fully Asian, and I certainly didn’t feel white. I was confused about my voice and why I wasn’t included in conversations about diversity, equity, inclusion, and belonging (DEIB). Often, I was brushed aside with comments like, “Oh, you’re adopted; you don’t really get it,” or “You’re Asian; you don’t experience racism.”

Those years were filled with self-reflection and critical conversations with other people of color, including Black individuals and my white peers, about what it meant to be Asian, adopted, and Korean while knowing little about my heritage or language. I owe a lot to my years in graduate school. I was fortunate to be accepted into NYU’s MBA program in my 30s, where I was surrounded by incredible Asian individuals, some from Korea and many from other Asian countries, as well as American Asians.

They brought such love and appreciation for their cultures into our daily interactions. I heard their stories, visited their restaurants, and was taken to Koreatown, which was a completely new experience for me. They provided me with an immersive understanding of what it means to be proud of being Asian American. Even second-generation immigrants were deeply connected to their Asian heritage through their families. This experience made me realize how much I was missing. They were so proud of who they were, and I wasn’t. That realization was eye-opening.

As I navigated through school, I decided it was time to fully embrace my identity, which includes my Asian heritage, my experiences as an adoptee, and everything that makes me who I am. I’m not just one thing; I’m not a box. Embracing the intersectionality of my identity has been transformative. I became vocal about my experiences and built my company to represent people with similar lived experiences. That’s how I journeyed toward accepting and celebrating my Asian identity.

NICOLE   

Your experience is uniquely yours, but so much of what you’ve shared resonates with me as well. I grew up in the Midwest, surrounded mostly by white people. While I had Asian parents and culture, I also rejected it because it didn’t feel “normal” in my environment. I wanted to be like Kimberly, with blonde hair and blue eyes. It’s fascinating how people of color, especially those in predominantly white communities, navigate these feelings. 

I’ve heard from many who, in adulthood, start to reconnect with their culture and heritage, wanting to ensure their children are connected to something meaningful. I relate deeply to what you’re expressing, especially regarding the intersectionality of different family experiences and the journey of learning as an adult. Have you had a chance to visit Korea, or is that something you’re considering?

GRACE YUNG FOSTER  

To your point, I started building my own family and welcomed a little girl three years ago. That was a significant part of my journey toward reclaiming my Asian identity and embracing it fully. I haven’t been back to Korea yet, but I plan to do so. The goal is to bring my daughter and husband along to experience it together, to meet family in Korea for the first time—family that is biologically related to me. I want to return to my home country, where I was separated from my birth family, not by choice but by circumstance.

I want to go back with my family, embracing my new story and appreciation for my identities. I’m excited about that experience.

NICOLE   

That sounds incredibly powerful and expansive. Thank you for sharing that. Can you provide some numbers regarding transracial adoptees in the U.S.? How large is this community?

GRACE YUNG FOSTER  

I focus on both the adoptee and foster communities in the United States. Combined, there are an estimated 13 to 15 million of us in the country.

NICOLE   

That’s a significant number.

GRACE YUNG FOSTER  

Yes, and the largest group of transracial adoptees in the U.S. is actually Korean adoptees. They initiated the movement for international adoptions globally, particularly after the Korean War, which catalyzed the influx of children from Korea. There are over 350,000 Korean adoptees in the United States, making it a substantial group.

NICOLE   

So you meant 350,000, correct?

GRACE YUNG FOSTER  

Yes, that’s correct.

NICOLE   

That’s a lot! And most of them are from the aftermath of the Korean War.

GRACE YUNG FOSTER  

Yes, it spanned over four decades, from the 1960s to the early 2000s. Chinese adoptees also represent a significant number, with over 100,000 in the U.S.

NICOLE   

So your focus is primarily on adoptees, correct?

GRACE YUNG FOSTER  

Yes, I focus on adoptees, including those who were foster children until they were formally adopted.

NICOLE   

What has it been like to be a catalyst for this community?

GRACE YUNG FOSTER  

It’s been surprising and incredibly special. I hadn’t found my people before because I wasn’t being authentic to myself. I was constantly code-switching, trying to fit into what the world expected of me. When I leaned into my intersectionality, I found others with similar experiences, and I began to find my community.

Being able to represent this community through my platform, the Inclusion Initiative, has been remarkable. I was surprised by how resonant it has been, both within the community and beyond. I knew there weren’t many platforms or resources for us, but once I built the Inclusion Initiative, the influx of people wanting to connect made me realize this is a significant need. We are a large community, and it’s taken us a while to build these spaces for ourselves.

Many of us are finally coming into our own, starting families, advancing in our careers, and wanting to be more authentically ourselves. This community is essential for that journey. It’s also about elevating other voices, including those of Black adoptees and Hispanic or Latino foster alumni. Sharing their stories on my platform allows them to reclaim their narratives in their own ways.

The ripple effect across multiple generations has been profound. When I started this initiative, I didn’t know what to expect, but I knew it had to exist because I needed it. The growth we’ve experienced in just two years has been a gift, and I’m excited for what’s to come.

NICOLE   

I truly admire your openness about your story on social media platforms like LinkedIn. Your consistency helps people learn about your experiences. I can’t think of anyone in my community who fits the Adoptee Foster narrative off the top of my head, but I’m sure I know someone who hasn’t shared their story. There’s a real need for these spaces, and sometimes we don’t realize we need them until they exist. I love that you’ve created this for your community, and your journey is incredibly inspiring.

GRACE YUNG FOSTER  

Thank you. This experience of reclaiming my story and finding my community has been transformative. Your podcast focuses on self-worth, and that’s exactly what I’ve experienced. I realized I was already worthy and valuable; I just hadn’t recognized it until I found my people.

NICOLE   

That’s beautiful. Thank you, Grace, for sharing all of that. Are you ready for some rapid-fire questions to wrap up our conversation?

GRACE YUNG FOSTER  

Absolutely!

NICOLE   

Great! What was the last thing you watched on television?

GRACE YUNG FOSTER  

Oh, the Great British Baking Show, Holiday Edition.

NICOLE   

Perfect holiday TV!

GRACE YUNG FOSTER  

I’m a big baker, so yes!

NICOLE   

So fun! Although when I watch those shows, I think, “I can’t bake that!” Can you bake like that?

GRACE YUNG FOSTER  

I’m like, “Oh, I need to try that!”

NICOLE   

Second question: what’s on your nightstand?

GRACE YUNG FOSTER  

My phone and Kerry Washington’s memoir, which I’m currently reading and loving.

NICOLE   

Super fun! When was the last time you tried something new, and what was it?

GRACE YUNG FOSTER  

Can launching a company count? I’m trying something new every day with the Inclusion Initiative. I actually just launched a podcast!

NICOLE   

Congratulations! That’s a big adventure!

GRACE YUNG FOSTER  

Thank you!

NICOLE   

Last question: what are the top three emojis you use most on your phone?

GRACE YUNG FOSTER  

I use the blushing smiley, heart hands, and the red heart a lot. Those are my go-to’s.

NICOLE   

Love it! What’s the best way for people to reach you and learn more about what you do?

GRACE YUNG FOSTER  

You can visit theinclusioninitiative.com to find our podcast, community, and everything we’re about. You can also connect with me on LinkedIn @graceYUNGfoster.

NICOLE   

Please reach out and follow Grace! She shares powerful stories about her childhood and her work with the Inclusion Initiative. Grace, I’m grateful for you being in my world and for sharing your self-worth journey. Your openness and vulnerability are inspiring. Thank you so much for being with us today.

GRACE YUNG FOSTER  

Thank you, Nicole. It’s an honor to be on your podcast.

NICOLE   

Thank you for tuning into today’s episode! If you’re a high-achieving woman wanting to uncover your biggest blind spots preventing fast, intuitive decisions, I have a 72-second assessment for you. DM me “quiz” on Instagram. We read every note from you about how the podcast impacts your life, and we appreciate each and every one of you. Until next time, I’m Nicole Tsong, and this is the School of Self-Worth.