Are you successful on paper, but you don’t feel successful?
If that describes you to a T, then there’s one key thing you’re probably skipping — learning and celebration.
I love taking the time to reflect back on a year, and to see the lessons, no matter how hard or embarrassing some of them might be.
In 2024, there were a few that felt like they were going to knock me down, and I would not bounce back up.
But I picked myself up off the ground, and found so many lessons along the way.
Make sure to listen to my TOP 8 lessons that shaped this year, and then take time for yourself to do the same so you are primed for 2025.
QUOTES:
“If you’re doing a job you hate. Well, we should chat. Because I want all of my women who I work with always to be in this energy of fun and what they’re doing.”
“I felt like I didn’t have enough Asian friends or I didn’t do enough Asian related things, so how could I possibly be leading and creating community with Asian women?”
“I have really recognized since doing this, how unseen and unheard so many Asian American women feel in their jobs and out in the world, that there aren’t people who speak to their particular cultural challenges and dynamics that they grew up with and what they experience and that affects them in the workplace.”
“And that biggest lesson was how to be unapologetically Asian American.”
“The second part of the pressure cycle is the pressure you get from our society, which is always telling us we’re not enough. We need more stuff, we need better houses, we need better cars, we need better partners, et cetera.”
“It’s really profound to be able to just share. It’s profound to be able to just be myself. And everyone expects it.”
“A big part of looking at the lessons from the year is us not being hard on ourselves. It’s very much saying, OK, that was my goal, and now it’s time for me to reset.”
“I took a really big risk for me personally and it really has shown me so much and is actually leading me to my biggest lesson of 2024 …. how to be unapologetically Asian American.”
“I’m just feeling on some deeper level in my own skin, some deeper level of acceptance for myself, of feeling much more powerful in who I am and owning who I am, and not worrying about what other people are going to say or think about me.”
NICOLE
Hello friends! Welcome back to the School of Self-Worth. I’m your host, Nicole Tsong. I am so excited to dig into this year with my top eight lessons from 2024. I did this last year, and it was a super popular episode, so I’m thrilled to bring it back for you. I’ll share my exact process and how I came to this point. It’s going to be a fun episode filled with valuable lessons learned.
Before I dive in, if you are an Asian American woman who wants to manifest a promotion in 2025 and know the exact steps to work on in 2024 to get there, DM me “January” on Instagram at @NicoleTsong, and let’s chat.
Okay friends, are you ready to hear the eight major insights I gained in 2024? Let’s do this! Welcome to the School of Self-Worth, a podcast for ambitious women who know they are worthy of an astoundingly great life. Join us weekly as we align with our intuition, redefine success, and reclaim our self-worth. I’m your host, Nicole Tsong, an award-winning journalist who left it all behind to become a bestselling author of three books and a work-life balance expert, helping ambitious women unlock their intuition and step into a life of fulfillment and radical joy.
Every week, I bring you diverse and meaningful conversations with successful women from all walks of life, sharing insights about what it takes to be brave, joyful, and authentic every day. Each episode is thoughtfully designed to leave you feeling empowered with tangible tips and advice that will lead you to your next breakthrough.
Now, do you ever reach the end of the year and feel anxious about not completing everything you set out to do? I don’t usually feel anxious, but I do start to reflect on what happened this year. A calendar year is a beautiful framework—it’s not the only one, but it’s one we culturally tend to honor. This is a time of renewal and reflection, and I’ll be sharing my thoughts on what happened in 2024. Hopefully, you can glean something from it or even feel inspired to create a practice around it.
These are the lessons I learned in 2024. Sometimes we look back at our goals and dreams and feel disappointed if we didn’t achieve them. I’m here to tell you that’s okay. When we don’t hit those goals, those are often the biggest learning moments. A lot of what I’ll share revolves around the goals that didn’t unfold as I expected. Some of these lessons might sound familiar because I’m human and often need to learn things multiple times before I truly implement them.
Some lessons may have repeated from last year, but I learned them from a slightly different perspective this year. 2024 was a doozy. I didn’t get married—that was last year—but I made significant changes in my business, made major personal decisions, and had some profound realizations about myself. Probably some of the most profound insights I’ve had in a long time. I’m really excited to share all of this with you.
The format will be a countdown from my last lesson all the way to my top lesson of the year. You definitely want to stay tuned for the final lesson because that one is a big one for me to share with you. So, without further ado, let’s get into this conversation.
Flow when life gets unpredictable. This lesson is about flowing when life gets unpredictable. One of my teachers, Suzanne Conrad, talks about a principle called “balance is dynamic.” This year required me to be very dynamic. I often enter a year feeling clear about my goals, themes, and words for my business, but it rarely unfolds as I expect. For instance, I wanted to make significant progress on my book, but I didn’t. I didn’t even come close to the progress I thought I would have made by now.
This year just wasn’t about the book. I had to come to grips with that about a month ago. Instead of being hard on myself, I realized I needed to be in flow this year. There was a lot going on in my personal life and my business, as well as with my family. While I always have dreams and goals I want to pursue—like putting out my next book—it was a year where I needed to reevaluate how I structured my time.
I’m making some big changes to how I manage my time so I can focus more on the book next year. I’m okay with the fact that this year, the book wasn’t as much a part of my flow as I hoped. That’s okay. A big part of looking at the lessons from the year is about not being hard on ourselves. It’s about recognizing that while I had goals, it’s time for me to reset and focus on what’s next.
This lesson is really about being in flow as things changed and shifted in my business and personal life. I feel like taking a little pause this year will ultimately make my book stronger and richer. I’m proud of myself for being in flow.
This next lesson is a fun one because I have to constantly relearn it: there is always enough time. I used to believe there was never enough time—not enough time to do everything I wanted, whether within a day, a year, or a lifetime. This year, I challenged myself to find more time to read. Many of you know I’m an avid reader, and I keep increasing the number of books I read. Last year, I read 52 books, and this year, I set a goal of the same.
Some of the books I read are long, and some are short, but I wasn’t sure if I had enough—air quotes—time. However, this year, I dove deeply into romance fantasy, or “romantasy.” If you know what I’m talking about, and if you like Fourth Wing or A Court of Thorns and Roses, message me and let’s chat because I’m a big fan. Once I started reading those books, my pace picked up significantly, and I was amazed at how much time I found.
Let’s not count the late nights where I sacrificed a little sleep, but I found pockets of time throughout my day—10 or 15 minutes here and there while finishing dinner or during my lunch break. What I realized during this stretch of reading is that my cell phone was taking up a lot of my time. Scrolling distracted me and sucked me in. While I might tell myself I’m relaxing or catching up, I often spent too much time on things that didn’t matter.
When I became absorbed in my books, I found I could prioritize what I cared about. I reminded myself that I have the power to set my own schedule and create the time I need. I never want to live a life where I believe I don’t have time because that gives my power away to my calendar. I’m always looking for ways to prove to myself that I have all the time in the world. Reading has helped me see that.
I recently read a series where I finished six books in ten days, which might be a new record for me. Books have shown me that I have time all the time. They help me relax and prioritize what I want to do with my personal time. For me, reading is a big part of that. So, I’m here to share with you that you always have enough time; you just need to be the creator of time in your own life.
Ask for help. This is one I’ve had to go through many times: asking for help and receiving it. People often ask me how to start asking for help, and it begins with receiving it. I used to be a go-it-alone kind of person. I was raised to be high-achieving and to get things done without asking for help.
In journalism, that mentality deepened because your job is to problem-solve constantly. When I started doing things I had no idea how to do—like running a business or dating post-divorce—I struggled. I realized that free resources online were often overwhelming. I had no interest in Googling answers for complex issues.
I discovered that not only does help exist, but it has helped me go much farther, faster, in many areas of my life. I was in a minor car accident this summer, and while the injuries were minor, it was a scary experience. My husband helped me a lot that day. I had to learn to receive help, as I was tempted to keep pushing through. He encouraged me to rest and assisted with the logistics of insurance and other details.
I was grateful to receive that help from him and to remember that I can ask for help in those situations. I also sought more support in my business this year, getting help behind the scenes. I’ve invested in leadership coaches and other resources. Asking for help is underrated. Many high achievers believe they should do everything themselves, but asking for help is one of the most important things you can do.
Having help gives me time back, helps me relax, and allows me to achieve my goals faster. I remind myself to ask for help and receive it in new ways. This year, I found several new ways to ask for help, and I was proud of myself for that.
Now, looking for fun, celebration, and surprises has become one of my favorite practices this year. I prompt my mastermind group from Monday to Friday with invitations to help them stay grounded, and this is one of my favorites. It encourages you to look for fun, celebration, and surprises everywhere.
It’s one of the best parts of my day to think, “Okay, today is going to bring something new and surprising.” It could be anything—a text from someone unexpected, a small victory, or just enjoying time with my dog. I keep a running list of things to celebrate by my desk to remind myself of what to appreciate.
I love being in the energy of expecting fun, celebration, and surprises. It makes my whole day better. So, I highly recommend this practice. It could be as simple as receiving a coffee from a friend or unexpected notes that brighten your day.
This next lesson is related to looking for fun, celebration, and surprises. I used to choose fun sparingly, but now I’m driven by it. It’s one of my company’s core values. This year, I found a lot of joy in TikTok. I probably met quite a few of you through that platform.
As a content creator, I’ve tried many platforms, and some feel like a drag or an obligation. However, TikTok has been fun for me. It’s entertaining and offers a lot of creativity. When I started creating content there, it felt natural and enjoyable.
This is a metaphor for life: if you’re doing a workout you hate, like the elliptical, drop it and find something you enjoy, like a dance class. If you love the elliptical, great! But if not, seek out what brings you joy.
If you’re in a job you hate, we should chat. I want all the women I work with to be in an energy of fun. In my mastermind, I have women running their own businesses, and I emphasize that it should be enjoyable. If it’s not fun, it’s essential to find ways to make it enjoyable.
For me, I’ve allowed myself to have fun with my reading this year. I’ve been diving into romance fantasies, which bring lightness and energy into my life. They are immersive and transport me to exciting worlds. The lesson of choosing fun showed up for me in business, social media, and how I spend time with my family and husband.
What are we doing? Is it fun? If not, how can we bring more fun into our lives? If you’re looking for that, I highly recommend making fun a priority as you head into 2025.
Family comes first. This has always been my value and priority. I’ll share how this showed up for me this year. Last year, my family planned a trip to Taiwan in February, which was one of the best trips I’ve taken in years. I had so much fun.
In the past, I might not have felt that way about a trip with so much family, but we had a great time. I got to see many relatives in Taiwan, enjoyed amazing food, and explored Taipei with Michael, who had never been there.
We traveled to the south end of the island, and it was an incredible vacation. It was long enough for us to relax, and I hadn’t felt that relaxed in so long. Everything worked incredibly well, and I was so proud of taking this huge family trip.
But after that trip in February, March came, and the rest of the year raced by. I traveled a lot for business and had fun—New York twice, California, Whidbey Island for clients, and Austin for the Asian American Journalist Association. I enjoyed many interesting trips this year.
However, by the end of the year, I realized I hadn’t prioritized my family. I had done some things with Michael, but I hadn’t seen my parents or engaged in restorative activities unrelated to work. I threw everything in early and thought I was good, but then I counted myself out for the rest of the year.
I wanted to feel more connected to my family. I had seen them a lot leading up to Taiwan, but then I didn’t see them for months. I don’t want that to happen again. This year showed me how I want to prioritize 2025: deeper, more meaningful connections with my family. I want to spend more consistent time with them and not let business or other commitments interfere.
I believe it’s possible to balance both. Personally, I max out at about one trip a month, and I prefer one every six weeks. So, how will I spend my time next year? Looking ahead to 2024, I listed my trips and thought, “Holy crap, I don’t know if I can do all that.” It felt overwhelming. I canceled some trips this year that were just for me or for fun, just to be home.
This is a personal preference. I know some people who love to travel twice a month, but for me, I’m definitely a homebody. I like being in my house and my routine. If I’m going to take myself out of it, it has to be for something that feels aligned with my values.
For 2025, I can already tell I’ll be making changes based on how this year went. We had such a great family trip this year; I would never give that up. It was amazing, and I see different ways to support my value of family coming first.
You have to take risks to learn the lessons. Sometimes we think we have to take risks just because. For me, as an entrepreneur, risk-taking is less scary than it is for others. I’m used to it, but that doesn’t make it less daunting.
Every time I take a risk, I learn something. This year, I took a significant risk in my business, which connects to both this lesson and the next. It might not seem like a big risk to you, but it felt enormous to me for various reasons.
I decided to focus my business energy on Asian American women, specifically Asian American corporate leaders. You might think, “Yeah, Nicole, we’ve been hearing about this.” The initial reaction was, “Of course, this makes sense.” But once I started to make that transition, it was terrifying for me.
I experienced a lot of imposter syndrome. I’ve worked through imposter syndrome in journalism, teaching yoga, and starting my business, but this felt particularly profound. I didn’t feel Asian enough to focus on Asian American women. I was afraid of being rejected by the very women I wanted to work with.
I was hard on myself, thinking I didn’t have enough Asian friends or do enough Asian-related things to lead a community of Asian women. This anxiety surfaced despite having Asian American clients. I wasn’t exclusively focused on Asian American women, and while it seemed natural on the outside, inside I was experiencing night terrors and stress.
At times, I considered going back to serving all high-achieving women or women of color, areas I had previously focused on. But every time I thought about it, something deep inside me said, “No, Nicole, do not go back.” This is not something you turn back from.
This is a calling I teach in my course, Your Clear Calling. I’ve only had a few really strong callings in my business over the years—starting my business was one, and this focus on Asian American women feels like another.
As I shifted my focus, I realized how few people directly serve this community. If you listen to the podcast with Florence Shin, co-founder of Covry, who makes inclusive eyewear for women with flatter nose bridges and high cheekbones, she highlighted how often we feel invisible because we’re not served.
I felt that with her business. I love her glasses, and I’ve noticed this with women considering working with me. They often feel unseen and unheard in many ways. Whether it’s leadership coaching or at work, they’re not served in the cultural challenges they experience.
I recognized how unseen and unheard many Asian American women feel in their jobs and in the world. There aren’t people who address their specific cultural challenges and experiences. The longer I stuck with this focus, the prouder I became.
It’s so important for someone like me, with a platform and decades of self-work, to stand up and say, “You are worthy. I see you, I hear you, I am you. What you want in your life matters.”
It’s been the biggest blessing. I didn’t think it would be such a big deal, but it has rocked me to my core. I’ll share more about that in the final lesson. Building the Asian American community has been incredible.
I’ve met so many brilliant Asian American women doing amazing things, and I love discussing their businesses and lives with them. I’ve felt seen and heard in ways I never had before. I realized I was the only one holding myself back from connecting with this community.
Taking those risks to learn the lessons has been a significant part of my journey this year. It has led me to my biggest lesson of 2024: how to be unapologetically Asian American. I first heard this term from Sam Hyun, co-founder of 1587, a sneaker brand for Asian Americans.
I heard him speak at the Asian American Journalist Association, and he emphasizes being unapologetically Asian American. They’ve faced challenges for this stance, but it’s fascinating to see how they brand themselves and express pride in their identity.
This pride is often missing in the community. I’ve experienced a significant uncovering of how I suppressed my Asian identity due to negative cultural blocks that I help my clients clear. I’ve navigated the Asian pressure cycle, which includes pressure from parents to conform and societal pressures that tell us we’re not enough.
I’ve recognized that I’ve always tried to fit a mold to make others happy. While I’ve been my authentic self in many areas—like hosting this podcast and running my business—I held back my Asian identity.
When I examined this, I realized how deeply Asian I am. It’s reflected in how I was still holding back the Asian side of myself. When I really started to look at it, I realized how Asian I am. I know it sounds a little silly to say it that way, but it was a significant eye-opener for me. It’s reflected in the way I cook, the fact that I take my shoes off, how I care about the collective, and how I value my parents and family.
Staying connected with my family in Taiwan has given me both a sense of connection and distance, as they don’t live here and are rooted in Taiwanese culture, which differs from American culture. I’ve seen all the places in my life where I held back my Asian identity because I felt I wouldn’t be understood or judged for it.
Now, as I spend more time in Asian communities and proactively connect with Asian women, it’s profoundly liberating to share and simply be myself. Everyone expects it. Recently, I attended an event for Asian American entrepreneurs, where there were Filipino, Chinese, and Vietnamese attendees. It was heartwarming to see people break off into their own groups, speaking their languages and sharing jokes unique to their cultures.
There’s something powerful about being connected to others in that way. The more I immerse myself in these spaces, the more I feel a deeper level of acceptance for myself. I feel empowered to own who I am without worrying about what others think. I’m doing this in public spaces, on social media, in this podcast, and in my personal life, and it’s helping me feel relaxed and at peace in a whole new way.
This journey has been a powerful exploration of knowing myself differently. It’s been liberating in the most profound way. I’ve uncovered so much about myself, allowing me to teach and support my clients from this place of authenticity. As a teacher and leader, it’s all I could ever ask for—to see more of myself in a way that truly supports my clients and community.
I see this experience deepening and enriching as I continue on this path. Serving Asian American women feels like a deep calling at this point. I’m grateful to the Asian American communities I’m part of for their support. It feels necessary at this time in history for us to be seen and honored for who we are. We have so much power, intelligence, and gifts to share. The women I work with are extraordinarily talented.
I want to share this with all of you—it’s been an honor to recognize this truth this year. When I made the switch to focus more on Asian American women, I thought I already knew myself. How much more could I learn? But wow, it’s been a deep rabbit hole that I’m still exploring, and I’m so grateful for it.
Thank you to all of you for being here as I made this transition and for sharing your feedback about what you’re learning from the podcast. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for being part of this journey with me this year.
So, that’s it! Those are my eight biggest lessons from the year. Thank you so much for listening and being part of this conversation. If you want to chat more about creating a promotion plan for 2025, you know where to reach me. DM me “2025” on Instagram at @NicoleTsong, and let’s talk. I’m incredibly grateful to be here with all of you. Thank you for a profound year on the School of Self-Worth.
Thank you for tuning into today’s episode. Before you go, if you are a high-achieving woman wanting to uncover your biggest blind spots preventing fast, intuitive decisions, I have a 72-second assessment for you. DM me “quiz” on Instagram at @NicoleTsong.
Thank you for being here and for listening. We read every note we receive about how the podcast is making a difference in your life. Please know how much we appreciate each and every one of you. Until next time, I’m Nicole Tsong, and this is the School of Self-Worth.
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