Here’s a priority that MOST new moms get backward.
Ready for this?
Putting your body and food second after your baby.
In today’s episode with postpartum dietician Brooke Miller, she shares about why it’s so essential for moms to prioritize their body and nutrition, and the connection to their mental health.
Join Nicole and Brooke as they talk about the nutritional needs for moms postpartum and how new moms can support themselves during this crucial period.
Brooke is a postpartum dietitian and lactation counselor who is passionate about helping moms feel like themselves again after baby and boost energy, mood, metabolism & milk supply. She believes moms can feel amazing in their body after baby & that their health deserves to be taken care of too. She lives in Colorado, married her high school sweetheart & is a mom of two boys.
But at the same time, just because it’s your responsibility to take care of somebody else, it doesn’t mean that that also is an excuse for you to just let your needs go, because what ends up happening is when we start to let our needs go, like our basic needs, like resting or eating, that is probably the first thing I see moms do, is, I’m too busy to eat. I’m too busy to eat, or I don’t have time to cook, or I don’t have time to feed myself, I have to pump, or I have to do this. And what they don’t realize is actually when they’re undernourished and underfed, that’s making exhaustion worse, that’s making mood swings worse, that’s making postpartum anxiety worse.
Not only was I working full time as a 40 hours a week employee, I was starting two businesses. I had a child under one with special needs. So I was putting so much on my plate, and I didn’t want to ask for help because I felt like a failure. I felt Like I wasn’t a good mom if I was asking for help. And when I finally swallowed that and realized, hey, I’m actually a really good mom for asking for help and needing support and delegating and taking care of myself and knowing my boundaries and knowing what’s good for my mental and physical health, that really drastically changed things in my marriage and how I showed up at work and really all aspects of life that’s so powerful and such a big journey.
I reached out to a recurrent miscarriage support group, and they’ve been really beneficial. And when I got the down syndrome diagnosis and the heart defect diagnosis with my first son, my husband and I joined support groups right away, and I was able to meet and connect with so many moms, so many families, and that alone was huge for my husband and I to meet families while we were pregnant and then while we were postpartum, who were going through a similar journey. And it just made the journey way easier. And so I definitely have examples now where asking for help and seeking support and asking for help may just mean getting in a community of like minded women or moms or people who have the same goals as you or the same struggles as you and just talking about it, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to outsource everything.
I think it was a lot easier the second time around because I looked back on that first experience and realized, hey, when I’m nourishing my body, when I’m working out, when I’m taking care of my mental health, when I’m taking time for myself, when I’m spending time with friends and family, that allows me to show up much better as a mom, as a friend, as a coworker. And so really, that was never a problem with my second. It was immediately when I had him. It was like, of course his needs are important, but my needs are, too. My needs are just as important as his. And if he’s nursing, a lot of times I’ll grab a snack and eat above him because I deserve to eat, too. And so I think, yeah, initially when I had my first, it was definitely an adjustment period, but my second, it was very much right away. I knew, like, yeah, I’m worthy of asking for help.
Every parent does something wrong. And so I think when we place expectations on ourselves that we have to be this perfect parent and we can never screw up, that’s already just setting us up for failure, because we will make mistakes, we will do the best we can, and we will still screw up. And so really coming to acceptance of that and realizing that as we become parents, some things might come up, some trauma may come up, some thoughts and patterns may come up, and you’re like, oh, my gosh, I didn’t even realize it.
NICOLE
Hi, friends. Welcome back to the School of Self-Worth. I am your host, Nicole Tsong. Today is such a fun and rich topic of conversation. I am super excited to welcome BROOKE MILLER to the podcast. Brooke is a nutritionist and lactation consultant who supports mom’s postpartum to get back to their healthiest weight and to feel like themselves again, mentally and physically. I have spent a lot of time myself with Brooke. I really love what she teaches and how she shares, and her own journey as a mother is really powerful. I’m so excited for her to be here because she shares some really essential information that most moms are not doing postpartum, so you don’t want to miss what she has to share, if that is you. And even if you are a mom who’s already been through this journey, I promise you’re going to learn something about what you went through from her. So get ready for this super enlightening conversation.
If you are an Asian American woman leader who wants the exact step by step to understand the secret language of intuition, I’ve got a private podcast that gives you a complete behind the scenes on how to master intuitive communication patterns. Dm me secret at Nicole Song on Instagram to get all of the details. Okay, let’s do this. Let’s dig into this conversation.
Welcome to the School of Self-Worth, a podcast for ambitious women who know they are worthy of an astoundingly great life. Join us weekly as we get on the right side of your intuition, redefine success, and reclaim your self-worth. I’m your host, Nicole Tsong, an award-winning journalist who left it all behind to become a best-selling author of three books and work/life balance expert, helping ambitious women unlock their intuition and step into a life of fulfilment and radical joy. Every single week, I will bring you diverse and meaningful conversations with successful women from all walks of life who share insight about what it takes to be brave, joyful, and authentic every day. Every episode is thoughtfully designed to leave you feeling empowered with tangible tips and advice that will lead you to your next breakthrough.
Welcome to the School of Self-Worth, Brooke. I’m so excited to have you here. Brooke and I know each other from an entrepreneur group that we’re in together, and we had an awesome time together in LA just a few weeks ago talking about all things entrepreneurship. And then I also just really love what you share and what you do in the world. So I’m so excited to share more with our women who are listening.
BROOKE MILLER
Yeah, awesome. Thanks so much for having me.
NICOLE
So can you just share a little bit about your backstory? I’d love to hear even just how you arrived to the place where you do what you do, and if you could share about that part of it.
BROOKE MILLER
Yeah. So initially, I became a dietitian because I got diagnosed with celiac disease, so I thought that I wanted to specialize in gut health and GI, and quickly made it through my internship, but realized that wasn’t what I wanted to do. I just knew at my core, I wanted to help women feel better physically and mentally, but I didn’t know how to go about it. And so I got my very first job as a pregnancy postpartum dietitian, and I became the lactation counselor and breastfeeding specialist. I started really falling into that realm and teaching classes and all of that, and I realized, oh, my gosh, postpartum moms and pregnant moms, they need so much support because there’s so much emphasis on moms and what they’re eating, and how they’re taking care of themselves when they’re pregnant, because it’s directly impacting their baby. Then once the baby is here, everyone is so focused on how the baby is sleeping, and how the baby is doing, that I just saw this insane gap for postpartum moms who were not only physically struggling because your body has just changed so much, but also mentally struggling with how their life has changed, how their hormones are changing, how their metabolism has changed, how their body has changed, and dealing with things like exhaustion. So I started to really see this gap in our society, and I didn’t really understand it fully until I became a mom for the very first time, and I lived it out. That was the moment that I was like, yeah, we need some sort of support. Moms need support in this realm.
When I was going through my own postpartum journey with my first son, I was really struggling, and the one thing that I forced myself to do consistently, was to nourish myself consistently. I was like, my son is eating every 3 hours. I deserve to eat. I deserve to rest. I deserve all of the things that I’m providing for him. Once I started doing that, my postpartum experience got drastically easier, and I realized, when I take care of myself as a mom, it’s not selfish at all. I’m actually showing up better for my husband, for my son, for my coworkers, for those around me, and I was a nicer person. I was a happier person, and so I really realized, especially that first year postpartum, that it is not selfish to take care of your health.
I had a massive breakdown about three months postpartum with my first son, and he was about to go into open heart surgery, and I was full-time pumping, and I hadn’t gone back to work yet. I was just feeling really overwhelmed about having to go back to work soon and sending my son in for open heart surgery and being a mom of a child with special needs.
I had let all of my basic needs go at that point, and I was dealing with extreme postpartum anxiety. I was exhausted, and my husband was shocked. He was like, okay, we need to do something about this, because you can’t keep living like this. And that was the moment when I realized I’m going to take control of the things I can control. I’m going to nourish myself. I’m going to go for walks. I’m going to work out. I’m really going to focus on my health. And once I did that, everything changed. Everything got so much easier.
NICOLE
Well, thank you, Brooke. There are so many things to unpack in there that I would love to dig into. So let’s start first with just being postpartum and having a newborn, in general. Just take that chunk of it, because I think for so many moms, that is a difficult place, because you’re so focused. I must keep this child alive. This is my job, to keep this baby alive, so that’s where a lot of your self-worth can go out the window, because you’re like, I don’t have to think about me. I’m an adult. I can handle it. And can you just talk a little bit more about that stretch in that period?
BROOKE MILLER
Yeah. I mean, it’s an adjustment, especially for your first child, because you don’t know what normal is anymore. All of a sudden, you can’t do things on your own time anymore. There’s other people to consider, and there’s other people’s needs who are important, like people that you haven’t had to take care of in the past. So there is an adjustment period where you do have to become a little bit more aware of other people’s needs and you do have to take care of somebody else, and it is your full responsibility to do that. But at the same time, just because it’s your responsibility to take care of somebody else, it doesn’t mean that that is also an excuse for you to just let your needs go, because what ends up happening is when we start to let our needs go, like our basic needs, like resting or eating, that is probably the first thing I see moms do, is, I’m too busy to eat. I’m too busy to eat, or I don’t have time to cook, or I don’t have time to feed myself, I have to pump, or I have to do this. And what they don’t realize is actually when they’re undernourished and underfed, that’s making exhaustion worse, that’s making mood swings worse, that’s making postpartum anxiety worse.
They actually set themselves up to be stuck in the cycle when they’re not fueling their body effectively. So I think, especially in this first few months postpartum, your body is healing. It’s healing from labor. If you’ve went through a c-section, it’s healing from surgery. A lot of people don’t realize that their body needs rest and nourishment during this time in order to function at its best. I think a lot of moms just feel like, I just want to get back to normal, and I just want to go back to my old life. And then there’s almost a sadness that your life is not the same as it once was. There are a lot of emotions that play into this period of, “I’m grieving the life that I had, but I still love what I have now, and my body feels foreign, and I don’t recognize it. My hormones feel all over the place”. So, yeah, I think the first few months, postpartum, especially their first, is just such an adjustment. And it is really figuring out what is working to take care of yourself and what’s not, and what’s serving you in this season of life may not be serving you in a year from now. And that’s okay to adjust it later on.
NICOLE
Well, it seems like such an era of life that is so. It changes so quickly, right? That’s what I’ve experienced with my own friends. With babies, you just have to constantly adjust, and I think that can be hard because you’re probably also sleep deprived and you’re taking care of a newborn, and there’s all these complexities. And then I’m curious for you, too, because you have a special needs child. How did it come in for you? Probably that self-sacrificing thing might have been even higher for you. If you mind digging into that.
BROOKE MILLER
A little bit, yeah, for sure. I felt like, especially my first son having special needs, it was all of a sudden I was now a therapist. Like, I had to do the speech therapy, OT and PT, and I had to do all the therapies that the therapists were telling me to do. I was an exclusive pumper, and that’s not something I necessarily wanted for my breastfeeding journey, initially. Now I was tied to a pump all day, and that’s not something I necessarily envisioned, and I was taking him to tons of doctor’s appointments and a lot of surgeries that first year. So, yeah, I will say it was a very different experience than what a lot of people experience, and I felt like I grieved it in a different way where I was jealous of other people because their baby just breastfeeds and doesn’t have to go through open heart surgery. Their baby doesn’t have to go through all of these appointments.
There was definitely a period of jealousy towards others, and definitely there was a lot of guilt initially when I wanted to eat alone or I wanted to work out or I wanted to do something by myself. I felt like a failure because his needs were so extensive compared to other kids. That was definitely something I felt really strongly initially. And when I hit that breaking point with my husband, he’s like why are you trying to do this all? Why are you trying to be this? You’re trying to go back to work and be this all-star clinical dietitian. You’re trying to go back to work and also be a perfect mom.
At this time, not only was I working full time as a 40 hours a week employee, but I was also starting two businesses, and I had a child under 1-year, with special needs. So I was putting so much on my plate, and I didn’t want to ask for help because I felt like a failure. I felt like I wasn’t a good mom if I was asking for help. And when I finally swallowed that and realized that I’m actually a really good mom for asking for help, and needing support and delegating and taking care of myself, and knowing my boundaries and knowing what’s good for my mental and physical health, that really drastically changed things in my marriage, and how I showed up at work, and really all aspects of life.
NICOLE
That’s so powerful and such a big journey. I feel like you’re sharing with us what it must have been like day by day, moments where you’re like, okay, today is a day where I have to pick myself back up and put myself first and give myself a good meal, or get myself a little bit of a sleep.
BROOKE MILLER
Yeah, and every season of life was a little different. So the first month was really about, I’m just going to rest as much as I can and nourish, and nourish and nourish and pump and pump and pump. And that was my core goal the first few months. Then we got past that hump, and he eventually learned how to breastfeed after his open heart surgery, and we were healing. He was healing from surgery. Then it was like, okay, I’m going to really focus on getting outside every day and walking, and increasing my activity level. I think as moms especially, we want to do it all right away. We want to be the perfect mom and be all of these things. I think what some of us need to realize is that it’s like baby steps that’s going to get you there. It’s okay to just say, this month I’m going to focus on just this one piece, and then in a month or two from now, I’m going to focus on adding in these other pieces. And that’s okay, too. You’re less likely to burn out when you slowly and sustainably add in habits, versus trying to do everything at once, and having this ‘all or nothing’ mentality, which is something a lot of moms have struggled with before becoming a mom.
NICOLE
One thing you also mentioned, is you learn to ask for help during that time, and I feel like this is just general. Many women are just trained to not ask for help. Like, I’m going to do it on my own. I’m going to just figure this out. I know that that’s something I struggled with for a long time, too. And were you someone who was good at asking for help before you had a baby?
BROOKE MILLER
No, not really. I had this tendency where I wanted to be the best at evereverything, I wanted to do it on my own. And I was a hard worker, and I earned the things that I got. So I kind of wore that as a badge of honor. Like, oh, I’m doing more, I’m busy, I’ve accomplishing these things, and I’m putting more hard work in, so I wore that as a badge of honor. I was not used to asking for help because truthfully, I was always so high-functioning in life that I didn’t necessarily need help in a lot of areas. There were some college classes where I was struggling, and I remember feeling so shameful asking some of my friends for help. I just remember being in the library, and one of my friends was just naturally amazing at anatomy, and phys and organic chemistry, and I was like, I need your help. I need you to help me study, because for some reason, some of this is not working in my brain. Once I did ask for help in that situation, it was like, oh, okay, this is actually really beneficial. And so I definitely have always had a hard time in life asking for help, but once I did it, it was like, oh my gosh, why haven’t I been doing this sooner throughout life? Because your entire life will be so much easier if you are willing to let go of control of certain things. And that was really difficult for me.
NICOLE
Well, can you remember one of the earliest things? Because you obviously clearly had to ask for help from your husband, but then also bigger levels of help. Do you remember a distinct moment where you’re like, okay, Brooke, it’s time to ask for help?
BROOKE MILLER
Going to therapy has been something where I hit breaking points and was, yeah, I think I need to go talk to a therapist. My husband’s like, yeah, I think that’s a good idea. So there were aspects when I had that breakdown a few months postpartum with my first, I was like, I think I need to go talk to a therapist about this anxiety, and he’s like, “Yeah, I think so. I’m not equipped to help you in that way”. After my first son, my husband and I had five miscarriages, the most recent one being a few months ago, so at that point, as we were going through that this fall, I was like, I think I need to start going to a therapist again, and he agreed. And it’s been so beneficial, so helpful. I reached out to a recurrent miscarriage support group, and they’ve been really beneficial.
When I got the down syndrome diagnosis and the heart defect diagnosis with my first son, my husband and I joined support groups right away, and I was able to meet and connect with so many moms, so many families, and that alone was huge for my husband and I to meet families while we were pregnant, and then while we were postpartum, who were going through a similar journey. It just made the journey way easier. And so I definitely have examples now where asking for help and seeking support may just mean getting into a community of like-minded women or moms, or people who have the same goals as you, or the same struggles as you, and just talking about it, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to outsource everything. So there’s different aspects of getting support and asking for help.
NICOLE
Yeah. Beautiful. Thank you for sharing that and I like the specificity of help, because I think there’s just so many different ways that we actually need it in life and especially, obviously, in that postpartum journey. And then I’m curious for you, too, with your self-worth, how it showed up after your second child and you were now confronted with the same things because now you’re busier, right? You have two kids and you’re trying to nourish yourself and go through this journey.
BROOKE MILLER
I think it was a lot easier the second time around because I looked back on that first experience and realized, hey, when I’m nourishing my body, when I’m working out, when I’m taking care of my mental health, when I’m taking time for myself, when I’m spending time with friends and family, that allows me to show up much better as a mom, as a friend, as a coworker. So really, that was never a problem with my second. It was immediately when I had him. It was like, of course his needs are important, but my needs are, too. My needs are just as important as his, and if he’s nursing, a lot of times I’ll grab a snack and eat above him because I deserve to eat, too. And so I think initially when I had my first, it was definitely an adjustment period, but my second, it was very much right away. I know I’m worthy of asking for help. I’m worthy of support. I’m worthy of getting all of these things because my body just went through all of this to grow and feed a human, and I also deserve rest and nourishment and to be taken care of in this moment, too.
NICOLE
So powerful. I’m so glad to hear that, because now you’re like, I can just put this into action. Where do you find that women tend to really struggle with putting it into action during that period, the postpartum period?
BROOKE MILLER
I think the biggest barrier for a lot of moms is the feeling of guilt. I’m not worthy of the help or I’m a bad mom. If I ask for help, or I’m a bad mom if I can’t do it all myself. I think that’s probably the biggest emotion and barrier. And it’s always like asking yourself that question, would a bad mom actually ask for help? Like, no. If you saw your best friend and she was struggling and said, hey, I really need help in this area of life, would you think she was a bad mom? And the answer is always, well, no, of course not. So I think we really need to take a step back. When those thoughts of guilt or shame, or you’re a bad mom, all these lies that come into our heads, we must really evaluate them and see if they’re truths, I think then we’ll realize these are just negative thoughts. They’re not actually what’s true.
NICOLE
Well, as you said that, you reminded me of something from a Brene Brown talk , where she actually says that people trust people who ask for help, way more than people who don’t. So if you don’t ask for help and if you go into that hyper perfectionist mode of ‘I can do everything’, people actually don’t trust those people. They’re not like me. They’re not a human who requires support. But then when we actually ask for it, people are much more inclined to trust you in life.
BROOKE MILLER
That’s so interesting. I can see that for sure.
NICOLE
So then what would you say, too, on that worthiness journey around being a mom and then nourishing yourself and supporting yourself? What is it like for moms that you would say to them to really help them start to get that on a different level? Because I think it’s something where I find a lot of people can recognize it, but then internalizing it is hard. Like, actually acting upon it is challenging. And what do you do to support moms with that piece of it?
BROOKE MILLER
Like I said, I think just taking initial baby steps and seeing how their body responds and how they respond. So if there’s a mom I’m working with and she’s just like, I’m too busy to feed myself, but she’s exhausted and moody and crabby, and she’s worried about her milk supply, and all these things are popping up, and I say, hey, let’s just try this out. Let’s just try to eat consistently. Let’s try a few simple things and see how your body responds. And then after a week, it’s like, oh, well, my energy is better and my mood is better, and all of a sudden, it’s this domino effect of, oh my gosh, this one little change actually made a huge impact on how I’m showing up for my family, so then it’s a lot easier to stick with a habit when you can see the results so quickly.
I think something else that a lot of moms struggle with postpartum is like, oh, I want to get my body back, or I want to lose the baby weight, or I feel uncomfortable in my body, and so therefore, I don’t deserve to eat. It’s like, hey, you deserve to eat always, regardless of your body size, regardless of what you look like. And dieting and restricting and eating really scarce, actually harms your hormones, it harms your metabolism, it makes these symptoms worse, and it can even lead to long-term weight gain, so I think a lot of moms have negative beliefs in their head. If I eat this, then this will happen, or I’m not worthy of eating this, and those thoughts and beliefs actually drive their behaviors, but they drive them in a negative way. And so really peeling back those thoughts and beliefs and challenging people, like, are those true? And what if we test this out and see how your body responds and make adjustments? That works really well for people because when you put something into practice and immediately you start feeling better, it’s just so much easier to stick with it.
NICOLE
Yeah. So it’s like actually just having that first time where you’re like, oh, I saw an outcome, and that actually worked way better for me than I ever thought.
BROOKE MILLER
Yeah, exactly.
NICOLE
And then what would you say, too? Do you also find for a lot of women, it’s old worthy things, like, I’m not enough coming up in the journey of being a new mom.
BROOKE MILLER
Yeah, and it’s something I’ve talked to a lot of friends about, too, is I think trauma starts coming up once we become moms. It’s a lot of, I don’t want to repeat what I saw growing up, or I don’t want to make the same mistakes my parents did. And of course, it’s no fault to our parents. They were all doing the best that they could in that moment. But I think every parent makes mistakes. Every parent does something wrong, so I think when we place expectations on ourselves that we have to be this perfect parent and we can never screw up, that’s already just setting us up for failure, because we will make mistakes, we will do the best we can, and we will still screw up. So really coming to acceptance of that and realizing that as we become parents, some things might come up, some trauma may come up, some thoughts and patterns may come up, and you’re like, oh, my gosh, I didn’t even realize it. But the reason I am treating my child like this or the reason I am doing this is because I saw my mom or dad doing this. I do think it uncovers a lot of things that you don’t necessarily realize are inside and internal, until you have kids and become a parent and have to parent another child and keep them alive.
NICOLE
Yeah, I can only imagine, right. Because now you’re bringing up all this old stuff for people, and is that something you have to work with a lot, the reason women don’t always take care of themselves either, because of that trauma that’s coming up?
BROOKE MILLER
Yeah. And I think it is a lot of, again, those feelings of I’m not enough or I’m not worthy. I’m not worthy of seeking help or I’m not worthy of taking care of myself. And, yeah, it just gets us stuck in the cycle over and over of that’s not what I saw my parents do, or I’m not worthy, and it just tends to keep us stuck from really feeling our best, mentally and physically. And so a lot of what we have to do is, yes, physical things. We have to get sleep. We have to manage our stress. We have to exercise, we have to eat. There are things that we need to do to feel our best, mentally and physically. But if we’re just focusing on what to do, and the actions, but we’re not focused on the beliefs and thoughts that are going on in our brain, we’re not going to get the complete results that we want. And so that is something that I work with moms on, like really retraining your brain so that you can start to pull out these thoughts and beliefs and have awareness with them, and start to reframe them and change them that way, moving forward, your beliefs will change your behaviors in the future.
NICOLE
That is such powerful work and such deep work. I feel that a lot of women don’t realize that that worthiness piece is really the thoughts and the beliefs that are going on in the background all the time.
Well, I want to switch text a little bit because I feel like this must come up for so many of the women you work with. I’m curious about your own journey, about asking for help from your husband and that relationship, and the way it changes once you have the baby, because the baby is so physically dependent on you, how were you able to navigate that for yourself, to feel worthy enough to be like, wow, I really need him to do things, instead of me doing everything.
BROOKE MILLER
Yeah, it was slowly passing things off to him that I knew didn’t have to be done just by me. So if I’m nursing my son, yeah, he can’t do that. But while I was pumping full time, I said, hey, can you wash the pump parts? Can you put the milk in the freezer? Can you change a diaper? Can you pick him up? Can you do these things? And so there are some things we can’t necessarily outsource, but there are a lot that we can, and dads can still do skin to skin. Dads can still hold the baby. They can cuddle, they can still feed the baby. They can do a lot of things. And so it’s really about deciding what are the things that you want to outsource and what are the things that you don’t.
Now, my second son never took a bottle. We tried everything, and he just never took a bottle. So that was something that we couldn’t outsource. Once he turned six months, we got him on a straw cup, and then he could at least drink pumped milk out of there. But that is not something he ever wanted to do and was super stubborn. And so for him, there is still this one thing that I can’t outsource to my husband, and it does suck when I’m gone. My husband’s like, oh, man, you’re gone. And he really wants to nurse. So it is a bummer that there are some things that we can’t outsource, but it’s also something I enjoy, and so I wouldn’t necessarily want to outsource that either, because it’s a nice, relaxing, bonding experience.
And so, yeah, I think my husband obviously knew when I said I wanted to go to therapy, he knew he couldn’t help me with that. He’s like, go find a therapist. Good luck. I support you, but I can’t be a therapist for you. I think also placing expectations on our friends and family that are realistic, because we can’t expect our friends or family to become our therapist. We can’t expect our friends or family to do certain things for us. So also having reasonable expectations of what things you can delegate, and you can ask for help with, and what are some things that we can’t. It was kind of an argument between my husband and I recently. I said, I think we need to hire somebody to come in and just deep clean our house once or twice a month, because it’s not happening. I’m working full-time, and I have my one son full-time at home. I have my other son half-time, and I was like, some of these things just aren’t getting done, and it’s causing stress in my life, and I want this done. So it was a conversation of, okay, what can we move around so that we can get it done? Because unless you’re willing to spend 5 hours on a Saturday, cleaning, then we’re going to outsource this. And he’s like, okay, I can see where you’re at. So sometimes it is those difficult conversations of, like, what are we going to pay to outsource? What can you do? What am I willing to do? And how can we find a compromise that works for everybody in the family? My husband loves to cook, so he does a majority of the cooking. I do a lot of the grocery pickups. I do a majority of the cleaning. And so we just found what roles we both like and which roles we’re good at, and it works out that it tends to not overlap at all, which is really convenient.
NICOLE
I find sometimes that the challenge is, even if you have a relationship where you didn’t ask for help a lot at the beginning, and then now you’re like, okay, I need your help all the time, now we have to really get into that balanced place.
BROOKE MILLER
Yeah, for sure, and especially when you add more kids to the family. It’s like he took on a lot more responsibilities with our oldest son. Once our second son was born, it was like, hey, I really need you to do some of this stuff because I’m sitting here with the baby, and I can’t get up, so there are definitely adjustments as you add to your family, too.
NICOLE
Yeah, I bet that’s changed, and then for you, even more with the next round, right?
BROOKE MILLER
Exactly.
NICOLE
Amazing. Well, what would you say about looking back at your own self-worth journey from before you had your first baby to the place where you are now, around taking care of yourself. I mean, you’re expecting your third. There’s a lot more coming still, even for you.
BROOKE MILLER
Yeah. So I think I actually worked a lot on healing my body image and my relationship with food and body and all of these things, and personal development. I started that way before I had kids, so I think that was an advantage I had, because it was an easy thing for me to recognize early on when I broke down to him, and I needed help, and this is what I need to do. But I think a lot of moms aren’t aware of that because they haven’t done that work first. I think the quicker you can do this work before you have kids, that’s always the most ideal time, because it’s just going to be easier. And so really, in my case, again, it’s like healing your relationship with food and body and really getting to this place where you know your health is important and you deserve to take care of it. When you take care of your health, your mental health and physical health, again, you can show up better at work, you can show up better for friends, your family, your spouse, whoever is around you.
I think I hit that realization very early on in my life, before I had kids, before I was married, and so I do think it did make the journey easier. I would say definitely do it as fast as you can, and know that it’s a journey and it changes. Something I always like to say is, as long as you’re living in a body, you have a relationship with this body, and it’s going to take work. If we ignored our marriage, if we ignored our partner, it’s probably not going to go well, so it’s the same thing with our body. And if we talk to our bodies negatively, if we don’t fuel or nourish ourselves, if we over-exercise or just don’t move our body at all, our body is not going to feel good, physically, and it is a relationship that deserves nurturing, because you and your body is the longest relationship you’re ever going to have. It’s going to be longer than the relationship you have with your spouse or your kids, so that’s also something to keep in mind, it’s a journey that you’re going to be on for the rest of your life, and it will take some work and awareness, and that’s okay. It’s not always going to be easy, but you can see what’s working and what’s not, and where you need adjustments and kind of go from there, and it’s not going to be perfect.
NICOLE
Well, what you’re saying is really powerful because I think, especially when I was younger, I used to always think, well, at some point, it won’t matter anymore. I’ll be totally fine. I’ll never have to work on it again. The longer you go in life and the more you work on yourself, you’re like, oh, wow. There’s always layers to uncover around getting older, like, how do you feel about your body when you age or you have a baby or whatever, all those pieces, right? And then being confronted with that. But actually, personally, that’s just always the opportunity. As soon as something comes up and there’s a challenge, you’re like, okay, here’s the opportunity to look within, see all the stuff that’s coming up that’s making me feel that way.
BROOKE MILLER
Exactly.
NICOLE
Yeah. Well, Brooke, what a powerful conversation.
Okay, let’s do your rapid fire questions. Are you ready?
BROOKE MILLER
Yep.
NICOLE
Okay. All right. What was the last thing you watched on TV?
BROOKE MILLER
Last night. I watched Impractical Jokers.
NICOLE
Okay, perfect. And then the next question. What is on your nightstand?
BROOKE MILLER
All my vitamins and supplements, a baby monitor, my phone charger, my lamp. I think that’s it. Yeah, there’s a lot of vitamins and supplements on there right now.
NICOLE
Nightstands, for some reason, tell us a lot about what’s going on in someone’s life.
BROOKE MILLER
A lot of hair ties and hair clips.
NICOLE
Okay, great. And then the next one is, when was the last time you tried something new? And what was it?
BROOKE MILLER
Tried something new. That’s fun. I feel like I’m always trying something new. I feel like I’m pretty adventurous with food. I think the most fun thing that I did that was new is, I went skydiving. This was like pre-kids, not super recent, but that was the most exciting thing that I did. That was something that was on my bucket list for so long, and then I finally did it, and it was so much fun, and I want to do it again.
NICOLE
When you were in the plane, ready to jump, were you like, I can’t believe I’m doing this. Or do you have someone strapped to you, so they just jumped?
BROOKE MILLER
Yes. I would not have done it by myself. He does this all the time. He’s good. And he was very confident and excited about it. I actually had so much peace up there. I went with one of my guy friends, and he was a little nervous and had done it before, so I was just like, yeah, I’m not nervous at all. This is going to be great. It was very weird how calm I was, and I loved it. It was so fun, and a really cool experience.
NICOLE
That’s awesome. I feel like I would not be calm. I would be like, oh, my God!
BROOKE MILLER
Yeah, my husband thought I was nuts. He’s like, I will not be doing that with you.
NICOLE
Amazing. Okay, and the last one is, what are your top three most used emojis on your phone?
BROOKE MILLER
A purple heart. Why purple? I don’t know. It just became my heart color. I didn’t like that everybody used red, and I wanted to be different. So that one, I think the lol, like the crying face, the laughing, crying one, and then probably the actual crying one.
NICOLE
The actual crying. I know, I use that one. I was almost like, why do I use this one so much?
BROOKE MILLER
Yeah. I could look and see if there’s anything else, but I feel like those are the top ones.
NICOLE
Well, Brooke, thank you for such a rich and important conversation, especially for new moms around self-worth and really supporting themselves during that time. So what is the best way for people to reach you?
BROOKE MILLER
On Instagram you can find me at nutrition for mamas.
NICOLE
Awesome. Yeah, I follow her. She’s got lots of interesting things on there.
BROOKE MILLER
Thank you.
NICOLE
Thank you so much, Brooke, for being on the School of Self-Worth. I’m so grateful to have you here with us.
BROOKE MILLER
Thank you so much. Have a good day.
NICOLE
Thank you so much for tuning into today’s episode. Before you go, don’t forget, if you are a high-achieving woman who wants to uncover your biggest blind spots preventing fast, intuitive decisions, I’ve got a 72-second assessment for you, so make sure to dm me quiz on at Nicole at Instagram, and thank you for being here and for listening. We read every note that we get from you about how the podcast is making a difference in your life. Please know how much we appreciate each and every one of you.
Until next time, I am Nicole Tsong, and this is the School of Self-Worth.
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