Step Into A More Powerful You with Susanne Conrad

• Building an inner set of cheerleaders that are front row cheering you on 14:45
• A message for aspiring writers 15:48
• How does one generate self-worth continuously 19:46
• How to keep moving forward after loss and learning to trust yourself to live the life that you deserve 23:45
• “The only way your heart can grow is to break open.” 34:12
• A self-worth daily practice to build your self-worth muscle 37:42

“I needed him. I needed you. I needed an inner set of cheerleaders, people in what we could call my front row, because it wasn’t natural for me, to be honest. Just the way anything where we deeply grow isn’t natural, or we would have already done it, right?” 

“To this question of how does one generate self-worth ongoingly, one of the things that happened for me as I was writing is…I needed to slowly move into the noun called author. It took me a while to even think of myself as that.” 

“That was part of it too, learning to step into the language of it, and to feel worthy to stand among all the people that I admire, living and deceased, that are authors.”

“There’s something about that, too. To know that our life is worth our courage, and our fortitude to continue to create. It wasn’t designed to protect everything. It was more designed to lay it out.” 

Nicole Tsong

Hello everybody. So, I am really so excited to have this conversation today with one of my dear teachers Susanne Conrad, of Lightyear Leadership. And you know it’s so fun to be able to have this conversation with you, Susanne because you know you and I talk all the time and I love that we could do it in this format and kind of share our own experiences. But really for all of you who don’t know Susanne; I met her about a decade ago, and I actually feel like that would be a fun place to start because I know what I felt like when I met you and got to know you; and I’d love to know your experience and shared experience of seeing me. Because she’s probably somebody who has seen more of my life than anybody who’s not like a family member, or like a media close person. Than anybody else in my life over the last eleven/twelve years since we met. So welcome Susanne to the School Of Self-Worth. I’m so happy you’re here.

Susanne Conrad 

Thanks for creating this School Of Self-Worth. I think it’s an important school for us to have nowadays.

Nicole Tsong

Absolutely! I’m going to actually start and dive in with me meeting you, and then I’d love to hear from you. So I actually met you I think a couple of times. First I went to hear you speak at an event. I can’t remember exactly the event, but it was one of the big yoga events, and you were talking. You talked about legacy; and I was kind of like “Oh yeah, totally; she seems really great” and then you were coming and attending and co-facilitating a yoga teacher training I was attending and that was when I really first got to know you; and we were there for a week in Mexico, and I really remembered it because you had brought your husband Brett along; and I was like “You just bring your husband to a yoga retreat”. 

Because that time in my life I didn’t think of life as integrated; that it was possible to have various parts of you exist all at the same time. So that was like a really memorable thing for me, and then I remember this… This is one of my favorite stories about you. It was the second or third day of the training; I was pretty shy back then. I was not the kind of person back then who raised my hand first at a training; although nowadays I am first hand up; but back then I didn’t do that. And I had gone up to you to ask a question, and you maybe answered the question and then you took my left hand and you said are you married? And I said, “Well okay, no I’m not”. She said, “Would you like to be?” And I said, “I would”; and you said “Okay, let’s go find you one”… and then you turned around to talk to somebody else. And I said “Is that how you get them, is that how you get husbands?” But it was the start of my journey of relationships. 

I met my former husband not that long afterward, like within two months of meeting you; and Susanne has seen me through marriage, through a divorce, through so many things; through getting married again; and she’s really been around for so many of these things. So that’s my first memory of you Susanne, and you have taught me so much about owning who I am; being in my power and my wholeness. But that was the very beginning of the journey; that I could actually have self-worth and power in a relationship; and that was really, honestly, probably one of the biggest journeys I’ve been on in the last decade.

So that’s my memory of us meeting; I don’t know if you recall that moment…

Susanne Conrad 

Being at that particular training, was… you know how we talk, Nicole, about being in a vision? I was actually in a vision of my own; like being in a tropical place. Getting to do the work that I love and feeling valued and being with Brett, and you know swimming; you know all those sensation things; and what I’ve come to realize… oh gosh, how do I talk about this so people can listen it…

So someone listening to this right now might think, “Oh well Susanne isn’t that sort of shallow to have one of the first things that you say to Nicole; to be to ask her if she wants to be married.” But, see I’d like to understand at the very top, what are some of the most important things to people; so that I can begin to be of assistance to them in manifesting what’s most important for them. So just to clarify a couple of things; had you in that moment said ‘no no no I’m not interested in that right now’; I’d say “Oh okay, so what are you interested in?” You know, so I want your listeners to know that there could be many different journeys that people have in their pathway and discovery of self-worth and one of the most rewarding ones is the biggest decision that we’ll make; which is whether to marry or not; and who to marry.

So I’ve just always felt really privileged to be on that journey with you, and I think I also got to address that group and say that I am the homeopathic remedy to learn from first marriages and have happy second marriages; because sometimes we all need a little practice before we, you know, have the one. So I want people to know that too.

Nicole Tsong

Well, I refer now to my previous marriage as my Beta marriage; because it is. It was like the practice. You know, and it really is; and um and I think for myself and I will say this back then; because there’s many things I want to talk to Susanne about today; but this one was really big and really important I think around my own journey with self-worth; particularly in relationship is that at that time I was just so career-driven; everything for me was about career. It was about achieving, it was about, you know, getting to the next rung of whatever it was; and I had carried that mentality from journalism into yoga. And so I didn’t really think… I wanted to meet somebody, and I wanted to date, but it was very low on my list of things I was pursuing. I didn’t know how to actively pursue it; I was sort of like “Don’t they just like land in your lap? How do you make this really happen?” That was the first time I understood I could actively want it, and it not be a shallow thing, that actually it be an important thing; and I would say what a dramatic shift for me these days is that a relationship is the highest priority; like my partner and my family are the highest priority of everything in my life.

And so while people may perceive; I’m doing all of these things with my business or with this podcast, that in the background is the foundation for everything; and that’s what I experienced with you and Brett. That you had brought Brett, and I’m like looking at a retreat where Michael is going to come with me to that retreat too because that’s what I learned.

You can have a life where all the pieces fit together. It doesn’t have to be segmented. It doesn’t have to be separated, and that’s where I feel like that came from me being able to learn to step into worthiness from what I learned from you.

Susanne Conrad 

Yeah, you know it wasn’t that way for me in the beginning. In the beginning; even before I married Brett, like you I was very career driven; and I still am yet it’s part of a larger flywheel which I would call the whole of my life. And when I was imbalanced in that way I would say let’s invent some language here; I feel like I probably was in improving mode; I was seeking to validate my self-worth. 

I wasn’t coming from that it was intrinsic to who I am as a human being; I was probably feeling a little scrappy. I have to get this done, and I have to do this, and I have to prove this. And I think that really was, instead of being a flywheel to compounding happiness and well-being. It was more like a hamster wheel. 

And so then you know, as our marriage progressed and the kids got older, and I had more flexibility in how we could spend our time; I started to really realize that, that’s the key resource for a human being, is time. And who we, literally, spend it with, and that’s why I love to spend time with Brett; I love to spend time, like you, with my family and then with close friends and students and people that I know.

What do I want to say about that?… Where there’s a healthy and loving exchange of energy versus some of the imbalanced energy exchanges that I’ve had.

Nicole Tsong

Yeah, I know. I’m like how to share, or really cover, Susanne’s journey. So if you’re interested in her entire journey, she has a book where she really shares it powerfully. And I love her book! So, get her book; get there now if you are curious about Susanne’s journey. 

But what I’d actually love to talk to you about today; because you and I could go so many places, I mean a decade is a long time that we’ve known each other, and I’m certified in her modalities, we’ve produced the similar energy work together; We’ve done so much work together. But what I’d love to talk about is writing your book. Because that seemed like such a, I felt like I could actually be a support for you; because you had been such a big support for me for so many years, and that was like just a lovely transition. And I was really loving watching you write that book. And I’m curious for you because one of the things I’m really clear on with self-worth is I used to always think that once you had it, you’re just done. 

That’s how I like to think about development in general; I’m always like “Oh once you’ve figured that one out, aren’t you done; stick a fork in me. I don’t have to learn anything else in my life” and then of course what I’ve learned is every new stage is a new expansion. And so I’m curious for you around the expansion for yourself that you had to go into, and we went into once you heard the call for the Book. So I’m curious even how the book came to you like ‘that’s what’s next for me’.

Susanne Conrad 

And well first of all, let me just tell you thank you, because I believe you were the student/colleague that I knew the best, that was a successful author, and you know I had known other people that had written books, but not really people that had properly published them. And I remember you telling me one day, “You know what you got to do Susanne, even if you don’t want to, is just sit down and write; and let the writing take care of itself. And then when you read it later, you probably won’t be able to tell the difference between what you thought was a good day and a bad day.’ I was like; ‘oh she’s right”. Because in the moment, it all felt like “Oh I just felt like a troll you know… trudging in the dungeon of possibility”. 

But anyway, so to answer your question, after my gratitude of your support, it’s not really a memoir, but it’s a set of stories. And so I first needed to get the mindset that the stories of my life were worth telling. Not in and of themselves, like ‘it’s the only story’; but to activate within the reader, a sense of valuing their story at a primary level and then secondarily the value of transforming 1one story from one of victimhood or being trapped or being in circumstance or being out of choice into one of liberty and of happiness. 

So I often found, while I was writing, I would be in, not just the memory Nicole, but the actual experience of wow that didn’t feel good. God, maybe this happens to lots of authors, but I was a new author, so I had nothing to compare to; I actually had to work on myself to move through it because it was depressing. 

So to your point about self-worth being a process that has to be, almost loaded into our bio-computer daily, I’d say that’s been the case for me, I have to remember ‘Oh right? You’re an awesome person Suzy you know, get up. Let’s go.’

Nicole Tsong

It’s so true, and I’m curious if you could even share, too, the process of deciding that you wanted to write a book. Because I feel like that process is that journey of self-worth, I want to, I have something to say; it’s time for it to be in the world.

Susanne Conrad 

Oh, that’s really interesting, I even reflect a bit about that very question in the book because part of it, Nicole, is that I had people authentically say ‘Oh you should write a book; I would read your book’, and that was very inspiring for me. 

I also had business consultants say, “Someone of your stature, someone of your placement in the world as a Director of Possibility of Lululemon; you should already have a book. ‘Kind of like you’re behind. Why don’t you have a book?”

And so when it became time to write a book, I bolstered myself with the first type of support of the young people that would say “Oh you, you know you, should write a book”. And I put those voices in my head, to really help me on a daily basis. I even printed out and kept an email from a young man who was a cameraman that lived in. Oh, what’s that town right between Vancouver and Whistler? Starts with an s near Brew Creek, oh my goodness. 

It’ll come to me in 10 seconds, but anyway he lived there. He was a cameraman at a leadership conference at Lululemon, and he wrote me an email later saying you’ve got to write a book. And I said, “Oh I’ll put it on my goals, and I’ll write it in 2011”. But I didn’t get it published and written until 2021, ten years later, and I brought him one (Squamish; that’s the name of the place where he lives). So his first name was Julian and I brought it to him… So there was a way where for me, I hope your listeners don’t think of this as ass-backward, but by picturing another person, it gave me a way to bank shot my own self-worth. Like: Do it. For him. For yourself. It felt like it had another level of value to have that one audience member in my heart. Ah yeah, have I ever told you that about him?

Nicole Tsong

No, I don’t think I’d ever heard that story before.

Susanne Conrad 

Oh, it really helped me, because I needed, I don’t know what you’ve done, but I needed him; I needed you; I needed like an inner set of cheerleaders. People in what we would call my front row. Because it wasn’t natural for me to be honest, just the way anything where we deeply grow isn’t natural or what we would have already done.

Nicole Tsong

Yeah, I feel like that… Why I’m actually I’m starting to write my next book, and it’s a much more personal one, and I’m glad you’re telling me you sit down and write. Because sometimes I sit there because I’m on the like you know, open the word doc and there’s nothing on their stage; and you’re like ‘oh my goodness, how am I going to get this out’, but you know it’s calling me; so I love what you’re saying too. And I used to think that with my books too. If one person benefits from this book; because for all of you aspiring authors out there, especially when you first start writing; it’s not for financial reasons. To write books at the beginning, in particular, are because you want to say something. There’s a story to tell or something you want to get out there, and so when you can keep in mind a person who wants to hear that story; I love what you’re saying that Julian was really that person for you.

Susanne Conrad 

Yeah, yeah! He really was. And you know what you say about books; so for people that are considering books; people can also write short stories. It can be anything that’s lasting because just recently, what was actually last summer, I went to Bryce Canyon and I remember I found your book in the beautiful gift shop that they have a lot of times at national parks. And near your book, was a book by a Native American man named Bobby Lake Tom; and I bought his book and I read it, and I was so moved by it, and I looked him up on the internet. And right at the beginning of COVID, he had passed away.

And I thought good job Bobby; that you wrote this book. Because I felt like I knew him; and then I went and read the rest of those books… I have goosebumps talking about this, and then in his books, he spoke of his wife. And I went to go get her books, and then I found out that she recently passed. You know probably because she wanted to be with Bobby; it sounds like they had a lot of fun. I don’t mean to say that flippantly. But what I want to say to your point; is a book has a different weight and permanence than maybe some of the other forms of intellectual property most people know me for. So I’m glad I wrote at least a book, and maybe there’ll be more.

Nicole Tsong

I would like there to be more; I love the book you wrote because I remember when I first met you, and I thought does she have a book? Does she have anything where it writes down all the things that she’s experienced; or the principles that she teaches; and I was like “She doesn’t have one. Okay, I’m gonna have to go attend all her stuff, and learn from her life; so I can really know everything that she’s teaching.” So I am so glad your book is in the world.

Susanne Conrad 

Can I share this thing about books? Last night Brett and I finished the film Out of Africa. Which was filmed in 1985, it stars Meryl Streep and Robert Redford; and that was the last time I watched it. The movie is 2 hours and 40 minutes; so we watched it over a period of 3 nights; and my point is though, she had this incredible life, so go watch the film, but it wasn’t until much later in her life that she wrote the stories. And that is what became the film; and what I’m finding now is that the Susanne that’s writing now about my own life; thank god has this healing perspective on things that at the time they were happening felt insurmountable. So many people probably already have books in their journals, you know; and that they could even go back to some of that material and preserve it for their family or for people on a blog. And it becomes more substantial. It’s like printing out a photo instead of only having it on your iPhone. You know.

Nicole Tsong

It does feel different the first time you physically get your book; you’re like there’s color and there’s pages; there’s things that are there, it’s just a really different experience.

Susanne Conrad 

Yeah, to this question of how does one generate self-worth ongoingly, one of the things that happened for me as I was writing, is it’s almost as if I needed to slowly move into the noun called author. 

It took me a while to even think of myself as that. Even though, you know, you know me for saying well you want to have the authority in your life to author your vision; but I didn’t ever say “Oh Susanne Conrad the author”, and now I sometimes; depending on where I am; instead of going into all the things I’ve done if somebody asks me, you know, “what’s your career whenever I say oh I’m a writer”.

But so that was part of it too, is like learning it to step into the language of it and to feel worthy to stand among, you know, all the people that I admire; living and deceased, that are authors.

Nicole Tsong

It is true, and it’s something where I feel like when you actually step into it; because lots of people want to be authors, and then to actually do it is a totally next level of the task right?

And so I loved seeing you step into it; and I love what you’re saying about that because it requires us to keep expanding in multiple ways. And I’m curious for you too, like there’s also the expansion of like sharing your book widely, getting people to buy it and to read it, and what was that self-worth expansion like.

Susanne Conrad 

Well, it’s so interesting because I feel like I’m only just beginning to do that now even though the book was published in September of 2021. So we were still coming off of COVID, and depending on what state you lived in COVID was still quite an active thing, and I did one live book event. and a colleague of mine, a student of mine, Mike Burkhardt, just published, I believe, her third book. And she’s doing the in-person tour and I watch her and support her in that; and think okay, there’s a place for me to step into that now, that people want to be together, and also the delight; just the sheer delight; of the local bookstore… Oh my goodness, you know? 

I believe that there’s a whole generation of bibliophiles of people who love books just the way there’s a whole generation of people that love LPs, you know I see that a lot of kids there you go and there’ll be a turntable. So I’d say that I have a lot of room to travel actually, Nicole, in that arena. The great thing about a book, at least the books that you and I have written; they aren’t really bound in time. They can be valuable at any time, so it isn’t as if I have to hype it like it’s related to a specific one.

News Splash; it’s a bit more philosophical and spiritual in nature; just the way your books; people are always going to need to move, and when you look at the book that you want to write about a deeper inner life; What are some of the things that you see you and want to write about?

Nicole Tsong

Well, it’s good that you’re asking me that question here; because really this podcast has helped me start to shape and inform like what it is I really want to write about next. And it is actually really about the beginning of our journey and it’s really relationship; like for me seeing the places where I gave up my power and previous relationships; going through divorce will make you very reflective; and if it’s a good place for you, very reflective, I was very deep in the learning of what I got from that relationship; and then also how I ended up in that place and not in a blame way.

And not in a way making either him or me bad, but just how did I arrive in this space; in this place in my life. And I really had to look at the places where I didn’t feel like I was worthy of certain integrity in the relationship and then how that started very early.

And then for me to just continue, and you know I really followed my intuition in that relationship too, and so being able to still trust myself even after everything that happened with the divorce; that was a big growth in learning. And then really also saying ‘Okay, I want to start to break and change some of these patterns for myself and my next relationship. 

So going into dating, and I dated through the pandemic as you know, and that was a big journey. She saw me all the time talking about dating from. Yeah, we were pretty weird on the very conservative side of being out there for sure in Seattle. And so I really had to go through this whole journey of what is it that mattered to me. How did I find that? How did I actually articulate what I wanted? How did I do it with clarity with the person, so that I could really bring in the kind of person I wanted to have and the relationship that I want to have, and now I have that relationship… And it was a really a big growth process and continues to be a growth process; it’s not like we’re not married yet. 

So there is more obviously for us to come into and to grow into. But it’s been a very intentional relationship in a much different way and we have really worked through so many things in advance that I never worked through in my last relationship. And that has been just really different, and it came from me being worthy. If he’s not up for this, this is actually not the relationship for me. It’s not about him deciding, it was me deciding; and being really clear and that took a lot for me to step into because; while on the surface again with a lot of my life; it might be like, “Oh Nicole fully values herself”, but in relationship, in that very tender part of my life, I felt very challenged. And so I feel like that’s a story I really want to share in the book, that whole process for me.

You know, what it’s like to date in your 40s during a pandemic. I mean that alone is a big journey to share, and then how do you develop that relationship? And I actually also felt this book started to come to me a couple of years ago, right when my divorce was finalizing, and then I just knew it needed some time to germinate before it was ready for me to tell; and I feel like that germination process has completed itself and now it’s time for me to actually write it.

Susanne Conrad 

That’s so interesting. Just to even look at the process of my Lightyear coach and friend Mica; her first book was about climbing which was her profession, and then later about coffee, and then this recent book was about giving birth to her twins and letters that she wrote to them; so I really feel that there’s a journey that authors take where they begin wherever they can and then take the reader; whether it’s later in the book or in the future books; into the inner world where we can share things that we would only get the privilege to share maybe with a very close friend late at night with a glass of wine in the fire. 

And this is where we learn; because if we don’t have enough people to learn with and from or to reflect, I know for me I don’t know what would have happened to you, had you not been on the self-development and growth journey. But I would not have married again, I would have stayed a damaged, compensating for my lack of self-worth, single mother probably would have figured out how to make enough money, would have been attractive would have been happy. On the outside, everybody would have probably said look at her; cool person. And yet in the deepest place of my own wants and needs and fulfillment, I would have sacrificed those believing that I was avoiding future pain because that’s just how the program looked to me. 

And it actually took other people drawing me out; one was my roommate I tell that story in the book; another was a mentor who really said ‘Hey you know is he the one? Do you want to have a baby with him? Have you told him, you know I’m not going to talk to you about work coaching until you get straight with yourself? So this thing that you’re pointing us towards, about the value of relationship, to any of your listeners who might think something else is more important; I just challenge them to consider it; because it’s the relationship with self and the relationship with one’s own creator; whatever that belief or experience might be that; that’s the foundational worth connection and that’s worth having, you know.

Nicole Tsong

Well, you speaking, Susanne, brings up so much for me; because I remember there was a time where I had; in the world that we live in, an anti-vision where I was going to live in my house; my big house; by myself with my dog for the rest of my life. That was my vision, I think that’s what would have happened. Like ‘You don’t need to do this, you’re fine. You make enough income to be happy. You can travel; you have time for your friends and your family, and you can be the one who visits your niece because you have all the space. 

And never have the things that I deep down really wanted, which was family and a child; and all of these other things; and I really probably would still be on that couch downstairs by myself if I had given into that. If I had not been in that place of development and learning to move through it. 

But the other piece I remember when, you know, I was going through a training at the time; when the divorce and all these pieces were happening, and I remember you saying too because you said ‘I wasn’t sure what you were going to do if you would stick with the training; if I would stick with the training to teach the energy work that I teach’; and I stuck with it. But I am so grateful I had it. I’m so grateful to have had development and training because it saved me. It saved me from being that; I don’t think I even would have been alone on my couch you know, I would have been bitter, or you know I would have just hidden and buried myself. And I remember, I don’t know if you know this Suz, but when we first met; I had gone through a breakup and I think I dated this person very briefly; but it was very devastating the breakup, and I think I cried for like two months straight. Just cried and cried and cried. 

I need to go to this training because I cannot stop. I cannot stop it, I do know how to get over this. That was a blip relationship compared to my marriage. So if I had not done anything for myself; I can only imagine, I would have just been on the floor for years I think. Unable to pick myself back up because I didn’t know how whereas now…

Susanne Conrad 

Ah, it’s not funny, I’m not laughing; but right? Like what a waste of a life.

Nicole Tsong

Yeah, know, but look I mean really, it would have been you know because I cried for two months for that relationship; and I that was a long-term relationship I came out of, with a divorce and so you know and I did cry; I cried many times; and I also knew how to pick myself back up.

And I knew how to move forward; and I knew how to say “Okay, there are things I still get to have; I have dreams that I get to have; and I get to pursue them, and they get to come true.” And I feel like that’s to me; it’s when we really get to have that relationship of self-worth with yourself and to say I get to have those just because I’m here. I am here on the planet, and I’m a worthy human, and I get to have dreams come true. I don’t have to have my life end, because a marriage ended I get to keep moving forward and expanding.

Susanne Conrad 

Yeah, I meet those women on the trail with my dog; who have said this is it; this is where I stop. And I can actually feel the thought forms of how they’ve justified and protected their lives, and I’m not saying it’s wrong. I’m just saying I was this close to it; and when I get the incredible miracle of the opportunity to coach people like that. That’s where that gift that you and I have been so well trained in by our mutual teacher, Dorothy Wood Espiau, people like that don’t realize they are not in choice. They think they’re making the choice to stay on the couch, and my life is gonna be… no, no, no, they’ve given up. 

And they’re settling. And their life is becoming mediocre, and less the potential and worth that they can have. And so I’m just grateful that there were people that pushed me at that point in my life to see someone I could become, instead of where I was going to go protect myself and proverbially lick my wounds. I was gonna heal but not really, do you know?

Nicole Tsong

Well, you’re speaking to something I see all the time because I work with women; they are very successful; you work with these people too. They’re very successful on the surface. Everything looks really good, but there’s that achy part inside that they don’t share that much, or they don’t talk about very much. That’s in there, and I mean I’ve been there too.

And you’re like something is missing, and you don’t know exactly what it is; and then when you start to really step into the worth; and that’s why I feel like this topic is so important; when you really start to understand where your worth and value is within you; you’re like “oh, I get to have (you know and we’re talking heteronormative) but I get to have a partner, I get to have a home that I love. I get to have children, I get to have the things that I really want”; and if you don’t want those things fine; but you have to really see if you’re truly like you said in choice around it. I really do want those things, but I’m not allowing myself to have it versus “Oh I get to allow myself to have these things”.

Susanne Conrad 

Yeah. So I was married the first time, and had 2 children, and then married Brett, we’ve now been married thirty and a half years and had 2 more children. So just this weekend, my 37-year-old son got to have lunch with my 29-year-old daughter, and they wouldn’t have had each other had I not had the courage to have my heart break again, potentially. So there’s something about that too… To know that our life is worth our courage, and our fortitude to continue to create, and it wasn’t designed to protect everything. It was actually more designed to lay it out. Here it is!

Nicole Tsong

Well, I believe I learned it from you and from Dorothy, that the only way your heart can grow is to break open. And I remember I really hung onto that during my divorce, it really does. Okay heartbroken, now you can grow. But it is so true. It is so true, and in the middle of it can feel impossible and it’s the truth. That’s actually how you expand.

Susanne Conrad 

Yeah, it is. So, self worth, a School Of Self-worth… well I’m gonna stay enrolled; because it’s as you said; it’s not ‘graduate’. But to another level of expansion, and in it, I come to find that how kind of weird would it be if you looked at me as a friend, a colleague, a teacher; but I didn’t value myself. That would be a little weird. You’d be like “Okay, well I get to emulate this person”… so part of what gets expanded is how other people get to show up in the light that we are. So back to marriage, Brett loves it, he’s like “Yeah, she’s an excellent wife. She’s an excellent person.” You know… Honestly, I’d want me for a wife! 

Nicole Tsong

I’m sure you’re a great… I know you are a great wife.

Susanne Conrad 

And he’s a great husband too, but so there’s a way to; where daily people can learn to practice and discipline speaking that way about themselves; and about those that they love. 

You know there’s that old saying, that the only weapon that grows sharper with use, is the tongue of an angry spouse. So if we can stop ourselves from saying harmful things and say loving things, we actually can change the quality of our own self-worth and then there’s less cleanup to do. And I’m going to say for your listeners; watching you, have such a loving, successful divorce, where children were also involved. The grace, the consciousness, the kindness; see all of that was worth the growth and the touching of those lives in a way that, you know we don’t have too many pictures of that, and you’ve given the world yours. So yeah, you better get to writing girl.

Nicole Tsong

There’s a lot in there for the book. Well, I’m curious, you’re talking about the practice of it, and that’s one thing I always want to leave listeners with, is one practical thing around it. Because I always have known, and I’ve learned that it is a muscle that we have to develop. And we have to shift into, what would you give to them as something to help themselves start to really develop their self-worth muscle.

Susanne Conrad 

Well, one of them… So since this is a video, one of the things I do to this day that really helps me, is as I’m going to sleep I give myself like a little hug, so to speak. And you and I both know that’s also a way to balance the negative and positive polarities of the body… But that aside, to give myself a hug, and as I’m going to sleep and I’m closing, let’s call them the windows in my mind, those programs that are open that might get left running, in anxiety or concern; I take a moment to reflect on telling myself; “good job, good girl for something that I did that nobody else knows”. 

And so I’m not then dependent on you as a friend, or Brett as my husband, to say “Oh Susanne good job, I’m so glad that you do that.” I give myself that; I saw that you did that Susanne. It’s this self-witnessing, gratitude, self-affirming, validation practice so that I’m not needing to constantly seek external validation. That there’s something, let’s say sealed, and then I can sleep. And I’m a very good sleeper, and I think that’s one of the reasons why. And then see how that compounds, so then a person wakes up refreshed. They’re more likely to feel good about themselves. So that would be… I think that’s pretty practical. I’ll give you that one!

Nicole Tsong

I love that tip and can I share a little story about it? Because there is something that brings this full circle around books and marriage relationships and good jobs. So, I learned this practice from Susanne years ago, and I do it all the time for myself. I don’t know if you know this piece of it Suz… So the time when my marriage was falling apart… Look, I didn’t know we were on the brink of divorce, but we were basically on the brink of divorce at the time, and I was writing my last book; ‘24 Ways To Move More’; and that summer I was trying to finish it’ it was due. And, so I remember when I turned it in, and I was so proud of myself because things were pretty bad with me and my former partner. So, I was like, “All right Nicole you can do this!”

And so I wrote the book, and then the day I turned it in, my editors actually wrote me back a very nice note, but I was like “Nicole you just turned in, not just a book; but a very good book that you wrote in the most tumultuous personal experience you have ever lived through. And you turn this book in on time, in the correct word count.” These are not small things when you’re writing you know 60000 words; you did all of those things and you turned in a really good quality book. Good job!’ Because nobody else knew, nobody else knew the turmoil I was going through at that time and I still turned the book in. 

So, I’m telling Susanne the story, but all of you listening that’s the proud power of that practice; is that no one else could have done that for me. Nobody else knew how hard my life was at that time, and that I still managed to turn in this book and feel really proud of it and be like “This is something beautiful.”

That’s going into the world, and you know I think honestly a couple weeks later, you know my ex said “I’m done with this marriage” and we started going into that stage of life; but the good job practice really really made a difference for me. 

Susanne Conrad 

That is so nice to hear.

Nicole Tsong

Well, this is the ripple effect, right? Susanne has been my teacher for so long, and she’s taught me that practice. I teach that practice to a lot of my students too, because it’s really important. It’s really important for us to be able to acknowledge ourselves and to say good job; like you did it.

You are in this life, and this life can be pretty challenging, pretty darn rough, and you can be doing something that looks really great; but man that took a lot for you to do it. And then you expect someone else to congratulate you; you can just be like “I to pat myself on the shoulder and say good job, me”.

Yeah, well Suz it’s been so awesome to have you here, and we have a few rapid-fire questions. So these are gonna be fun. Yeah, ready for the rapid fire? Okay, so first one.

What was the last thing you watched on TV?

Susanne Conrad 

Oh, the end of Out Of Africa, just last night.

Nicole Tsong

Out of Africa; I love it I’m putting that on my list. Okay, second question. 

What’s on your nightstand?

Susanne Conrad

Oh, my Kindle, a bottle of Joy Plus, and a little felt pad from (this isn’t a plug) but from Thuma that just rests on there, and usually a glass of water; I keep it pretty tidy. Yes.

Nicole Tsong

Beautiful. Love it! I want to know what’s on your Kindle. What are you reading?

Susanne Conrad 

Well, I just finished Barbara Kingsolver’s latest novel; Demon Copperhead; about the opioid crisis in Appalachia. Yeah, and so I started reading a Sherlock Holmes book, I’m not sure if I’ll finish it. I don’t know.

Nicole Tsong

I love it. Okay, third question.

When was the last time you tried something new, and what was it?

Susanne Conrad 

Oh, the last time I tried something new, I mean oh my goodness. I don’t want to have to go back very far. Well even yesterday, I tried a new way to take a sauna. So Brett and I built a little kit sauna in our backyard, and so I tried it with bringing moisture in and taking it up higher, and seeing what it would do with my body. I don’t know if that’s all that exciting, but it kind of was. I mean it was, you know, an experiment and it’s something that, back to relationship; it’s not like I wake up in the morning… Well, you know, this about me! And think, “Oh what health craze could I follow”. That’s what Brett does, and since I live with him, I like to learn and experience and understand the things that he’s bringing into our life. And experiment with them and with as much gusto as he does. So yeah.

Nicole Tsong

Gusto. There’s a lot of gusto to it. Amazing! Okay, and then what are the top 3 most used emojis on your phone?

Susanne Conrad 

Oh, the heart. The thank you and the smiley face. 

Nicole Tsong

She knew it right away.

Susanne Conrad

Yeah, I probably use them too much. No, I take that back; I have so much self-worth I could use emojis as much as I want. I love emojis. I think emojis are awesome. I sometimes put in emoji and an exclamation mark, and I think “Oh my god, I’ve become that person I am that person”. 

Nicole Tsong

You are that person! I mean I love using the laughing emoji even though it’s kind of old school and it means I’m not Gen Z. I’m like “I don’t care, I like the laughing emoji”, I use it all time. 

Well, Susanne how can people reach you if they want to know more about you, or get in contact or connection with what you’re up to?

Susanne Conrad 

Sure, So if you want to take courses with me, or study to become a Lightyear certified coach, the way that Nicole is, you can reach us at lightyear.co so that’s spelled just like buzz lightyear 

If you want to know different podcasts that I’ve done, I’m sure I’ll post this podcast; well it’ll be all over the place because Nicole has that handled; but also at susanneconrad.com; so Susanne with an S and Conrad with a C. And then my book; ‘Get There Now’ is available at local bookstores. 

Jeff, my friend Jeff Bezos, carries it at Amazon. I always tease him and say “Oh look, another gift from Jeff. Look he knew just what I wanted”. But, anyway, so this book is also available on Audible, too. I spoke the whole thing twice, and made it into an audiobook; which is the whole thing. 

Nicole Tsong

That’s for my next round because I have not done an audiobook… So, yes.

Susanne Conrad

I mean it could be fun, and you could also do it with movements, you could turn it into a whole something, I don’t know. Maybe we’ll need to make it into a movie.

Nicole Tsong

Well, definitely go get her book; check out susanneconrad.com 

I just know from myself, you know having a teacher in life is really important. I have found that, and I didn’t even know how important it was, I think, in time I met you, Susanne, because she has really seen me through so much of my life. And to have that energy and that anchor and foundation of someone who really knows you so well and can support you in so many ways is so powerful. So I’m so grateful you are here; is one of my earliest guests on the podcast and I am just grateful to have you in my life period. So thank you, Susanne.

Susanne Conrad 

So thank you, thank you so much. Thank you so much, Nicole, founder of the School Of Self-worth.