{YCC Alumni Series} Breaking the Cycle of Achievement with Ash

• Understanding the impact of cultural conditioning on self-worth and ambition [00:04:05]  
• Shifting focus from constant achievement to holistic fulfillment [00:07:42]  
• The power of open vulnerability and community connection in group coaching [00:11:08]  
• Practicing boundaries: the “I am, you are” mindset for healthy relationships [00:21:26]  
• Embracing energetic detox, value trying new personal growth modalities [00:28:35]  
• Learning to appreciate presence over striving for the next accomplishment [00:33:41]

“I didn’t just want a list of achievements; I wanted my life to have meaning beyond what’s on paper.” – Ash

“I often felt like I had to step up and take care of everyone, never stopping to ask myself how I felt or if I needed help. Joining the coaching group was my first step in asking for help.” – Ash

“The thought of opening up to a group of strangers was daunting, but I let myself be an open book. Doing this made me comfortable enough to see changes in myself. Being in a communal space and realizing our shared experiences was powerful.” -Ash

“I wanted to really bring my, you know, true self into the group and just talk as openly as I can without any kind of restriction. And that allowed me to feel comfortable enough to start to see those changes in myself.” – Ash

“We realize there’s so much commonality. And that shared commonality is what really allowed me to feel like, okay, you know, we can do this.” – Ash

“Being in a coaching call was my ask, that was my reaching out. Right. And the impact that I noticed from just being in those group sessions and going through the YCC is the feeling that, you know, there is a shared community.” – Ash

“Relationship… I don’t feel there’s a lot of tension. Prior to, I would say, I felt like there was this push and pull. You know, I was giving and not receiving, or they wanted more and I wasn’t able to. And I just always felt like, oh my gosh, this is just so much energy that’s being drained.” – Ash

“When you are a hundred percent in, that actually is a hundred percent commitment to self. And then that’s when it gets really powerful. Like, that’s the next level.” – Nicole Tsong

“It can be hard. You’re just like, oh, I’m supposed to be friends with you forever. But not all friendships… That would also never give us the space to have new friends.” – Nicole Tsong

NICOLE

Hello friends, welcome back to another episode of the School of Self-Worth. I’m your host, Nicole Tsong. Today, I’m excited to share with you one of my favorite types of episodes: the Your Clear Calling Success series. In this series, I sit down with my remarkable students to talk about how their lives have been transformed by Your Clear Calling.

If you don’t already know, Your Clear Calling is my signature program – a step-by-step system for Asian American corporate leaders to regulate their emotions, reverse cultural conditioning, find purpose, and get promoted in 60 days. I’m so proud of the women who have embraced this transformation and now thrive.

Today, I’m sitting down with Ash. When she first came to me, she had just made a big move to a new city and was feeling more grounded in her career, but not so clear about her relationships, friendships, and family. By the end of the course, she completely changed her perspective, improved her family relationships, and came out confident about her future.

If you recognize yourself in Ash’s story and want to know what it feels like to be on track, DM me “on track” on Instagram (@nicoletsong), and we can chat more about it. 

Let’s get into this inspiring conversation!

Hello friends! Welcome to the School of Self-Worth, a podcast for ambitious women who know they are worthy of an astoundingly great life. Join us weekly as we get on the right side of your intuition, redefine success and reclaim your self-worth. I’m your host, Nicole Tsong, an award-winning journalist who left it all behind to become a bestselling author of three books and work-life balance expert, helping ambitious women unlock their intuition and step into a life of fulfillment and radical joy. Every single week, I will bring you diverse and meaningful conversations with successful women from all walks of life who share insight about what it takes to be brave, joyful and authentic every day. Every episode is thoughtfully designed to leave you feeling empowered with tangible tips and advice that will lead you to your next breakthrough.

Well friends, I am so excited to be here today with my client, Ash. Welcome to the School of Self-Worth.

ASH

Hello, nice to see you, Nicole. When we first spoke about joining the program, I felt it was critical to find a coach who understood the cultural issues Asian Americans face. There’s a lot of family and culturally related trauma that shapes how we feel about ourselves. For me, having someone who understood this trauma and its impact was essential.

At the time, I felt small and couldn’t articulate what I was experiencing. I wanted something actionable  – coaching rather than talk therapy – so I could have tools to change my mindset day-to-day.

I had just moved to buy my dental practice in a new city, which was a big career accomplishment. But after achieving that, I felt lost about everything else going on in my life. I was stressed and anxious, chasing the next thing for fulfillment but ignoring my other wants and needs.

I began a journey of self-healing and reflection, trying to understand why I always chased the next goal. I realized I wanted to move out of accomplishment mode and find a greater sense of fulfillment. I didn’t just want a list of achievements; I wanted my life to have meaning beyond what’s on paper.

NICOLE

This is so common for Asian American women, always chasing the next thing, the next achievement. You reach those goals, and then ask, “Is that all?” People end up at a crossroads, looking for true purpose and alignment.

ASH 

I’m glad I’ve taken big leaps and challenged myself, but I’ve had to reassess whether it’s worth it and how much I can tolerate. When facing stress, I needed to ground myself and connect, not just act out of habit. I started asking, “How do I get back to what grounds me so I don’t feel disconnected?”

At the start of Your Clear Calling, I was nervous and shy. The thought of opening up to a group of strangers was daunting, but I let myself be an open book, sharing honestly and authentically. Doing this made me comfortable enough to see changes in myself. Being in a communal space and realizing our shared experiences was powerful.

Implementing tools from the course made a difference. For example, the RPM ( Rise, Practice, Move) practice helped me connect to myself each morning, rather than jumping right into responsibilities. I had already started a meditation journey and, through this program, strengthened my habit, which positively impacted my daily mood and reactions.

NICOLE

That openness is where the richness of the course lies, sharing openly and learning from others’ experiences. Many women are nervous to take up space and ask for help, but that willingness to step up is what creates transformation.

ASH 

Once I shared openly, I realized there was so much commonality. Knowing you’re not alone is comforting, and it creates space for acknowledgment and connection. I wanted to be seen, and being vulnerable in a safe space helped me learn how to do that elsewhere.

NICOLE

Where did you see changes in your life, outside of your career?

ASH 

Moving to a new city, starting a new business, handling family health issues, and being the oldest child meant I was juggling a lot. I often felt like I had to step up and take care of everyone, never stopping to ask myself how I felt or if I needed help. Joining the coaching group was my first step in asking for help.

I learned the value of a shared community. I do have family, friends, and people to lean on. I don’t have all the answers, and I need to let go of always trying to be in control. Stepping back and not always being the savior, observing rather than controlling, was a big shift for me.

NICOLE

How did that shift impact your relationships?

ASH 

It changed my relationships significantly. I set boundaries and understood my limitations and energy. If someone isn’t filling my cup, I feel comfortable setting boundaries – I am, you are. I stopped expecting others to behave a certain way or fulfill certain roles, and realized people are who they are, which is okay.

I’m less focused on changing others and more aware of my own behavior. Before, I used to grasp at every connection and hope they’d last, even if they weren’t a fit. Now, I’m open to releasing relationships that don’t serve me and welcoming new ones.

NICOLE

That’s so powerful, releasing the need to control and allowing life and relationships to evolve. 

ASH 

An exercise from the workbook helped me to prioritize my relationships. I selected the top people in my circle and gave myself permission to release those outside it. It was a helpful visual.

I’m learning to accept that relationships can end, and that’s okay. It opens up space for new connections.

NICOLE

What was a surprising takeaway from the course?

ASH 

The detox weekends using the Geotran book were completely new to me. I was skeptical, but noticed a real difference in my energy and mood after those sessions. Doing mind gems practices with the group created a communal space. I felt so much lighter afterward — those weekends were impactful!

NICOLE

Where are you now, after completing the course?

ASH 

I feel much more connected to myself and aware of my feelings and experiences. I focus on being present, journaling, and meditating. My goals now are about the life and relationships that truly enrich me, not just accomplishments. I value connection with myself, nature, family, and people I treasure.

I’m no longer striving for the next thing – instead, I’m anchored in what’s actually important in my life.

NICOLE

If someone is considering joining the course, what would you say?

ASH 

Definitely consider it. Coaching is different from what I expected, and so valuable. The tools Nicole provides really create transformation when you practice them. Come open-minded and committed, that’s when you see the biggest shifts.

NICOLE

When you’re 100% in, it’s a commitment to self. That’s where the transformation happens – you showed up, even when life was stressful, and that’s why your life transformed. When you reach a place of appreciation and detachment from outcomes, life truly opens up.

This is just the beginning for you, Ash!

ASH 

I agree. We often focus on the outcome, but forget the journey. The process matters too, and it’s important not to sacrifice your wellbeing or relationships in the pursuit of goals.

NICOLE

Before we wrap up, let’s do some fun rapid-fire questions!  What’s on your nightstand?  

ASH  

A couple of books.

NICOLE 

Last thing you watched on TV?  

ASH  

Yellowjackets on Paramount. A supernatural horror about a group of girls stranded after a plane crash.

NICOLE 

Last time you tried something new?  

ASH  

Rock climbing, a friend introduced me and I enjoyed it!

NICOLE 

Top three most-used emojis?  

ASH  

The laughing-with-tears emoji, the thinking emoji, and the hand heart emoji.

NICOLE  

ASH, thank you for sharing your story and experience. I know so many women will benefit from hearing it. Thank you for being on! 

ASH   

Thank you for having me.

NICOLE

Thank you for tuning in to today’s episode. If you want to uncover your biggest blind spots and make fast, intuitive decisions, DM me “quiz” on Instagram (@nicoletsong). We appreciate every note we get from you about how this podcast is impacting your life. Until next time, I’m Nicole Tsong and this is the School of Self-Worth.