Have you ever asked yourself what your purpose is….and came up empty-handed? And then wondered how on earth you ever were going to figure out what your purpose really is?
I’ve been asked this question more times than I can count. So in this episode, I reveal the biggest mistake most Asian-American women are making about purpose.
And then I also share exactly what purpose looks like after you shatter the purpose myth.
For most Asian-American women, understanding of purpose is most often rooted in cultural conditioning. And I go over why it’s so essential to break away from those learned patterns, to stop limiting what purpose is, and the exact steps to explore how to really show up and live a purposeful life.
This is a layered conversation I typically reserve for my clients, so make sure to tune in!
“Purpose is the reason that something exists. So now we’re going to come back to you. Your purpose is the reason that you exist.”
“The biggest mistake I see, especially for Asian American women, is they think that [purpose] means their job. The reason you exist is the work that you do to make money.”
“If you think you are only here to do one thing, then that is the thing to start to move through and to start to shift and understand about yourself. You, my dear listener, are a multi-dimensional human being.”
“There are so many ways and places that you get to fulfill your purpose on a daily basis… Your purpose might be to be a loving daughter when your mom gets sick. Your purpose might be in the project you’re doing or the people that you’re managing at work.”
“The more you can expand that definition [of purpose] for yourself, the more powerful you become. This is how you stop giving your power away to other people’s definitions.”
“Understand that we really work on this a lot in Your Clear Calling. We talk about this a lot because it is a simple question and yet it is a question that can really open up more questions that can open up more, like what are the next steps? What do I want to do? How do I actually really start to live my purpose on a daily basis and exist that way?”
NICOLE
Hello, friends. Welcome back to the School of Self-Worth. I’m your host, Nicole Tsong. One of my favorite things to do on this podcast is to continue conversations I’m having with my coaching clients—live, intimate conversations that are so relevant to so many of you listening.
I recently had a chat with one of my clients around purpose. She was experiencing what I consider to be one of the biggest mistakes—and misinterpretations—I commonly see around purpose. So I wanted to hop on here and dig into it with all of you. Because if I’m having that conversation with her, I know it’s relevant to so many of you. And it’s such an important topic for Asian American leaders who don’t feel like they know the exact direction they’re headed in their lives.
So stay tuned—this is going to be such an impactful conversation. We’re really going to unpack purpose in a way that’s simple and easy for you to start seeing your next step forward.
And before we dive in—if you’re an Asian American leader who’s ready to reverse cultural conditioning so you can step into your authentic Asian voice and into a deeper sense of your own power—then DM me power on Instagram @NicoleTsong. I’ve got some things there for you.
Okay, friends, let’s dig into this fun, expansive conversation.
Welcome to the School of Self-Worth, a podcast for ambitious women who know they are worthy of an astoundingly great life. Join us weekly as we get on the right side of your intuition, redefine success, and reclaim your self-worth.
I’m your host, Nicole Tsong—an award-winning journalist who left it all behind to become a bestselling author of three books and a work-life balance expert, helping ambitious women unlock their intuition and step into a life of fulfillment and radical joy. Every week, I’ll bring you diverse and meaningful conversations with successful women from all walks of life who share insights about what it takes to be brave, joyful, and authentic every day. Each episode is thoughtfully designed to leave you feeling empowered with tangible tips and advice that will lead you to your next breakthrough.
All right, friends, I’ve got a question to start us off today: Do you ever feel overwhelmed by the idea of knowing or understanding your purpose?
I know I do—and I’ve spent much of my life unpacking this question. So I’m really excited for us to come together in this conversation.
That’s really how I think about this podcast—as a conversation between me and all of you. It’s about things I’m thinking about, and what I’m working on with my clients. And purpose, in particular, can feel like… whoa. It can make you start to question your entire existence and every choice you’ve ever made. And that’s not the intention of today’s episode.
Today, I want to help you start to see purpose in a new way—to understand it and apply it to your life. Because I don’t want it to feel like too much. I don’t want you to feel like you could never live up to some big, lofty version of “purpose.”
So we’re going to get really basic. First: what is purpose?
I looked it up, and the definition of purpose is: the reason something exists.
I’m going to say that again: Purpose is the reason something exists.
Now we’re going to bring that back to you.
And this is where it can get a little existential—but hang with me. Your purpose is the reason that you exist. This is why people start to freak out. They’re like, “I have no idea, Nicole! I don’t even know what it is!”
So let’s talk about the biggest mistake I see—especially for Asian American women.
It’s thinking that your job is your purpose. That the reason you exist is the work you do to make money. But that’s actually just what a job is—the work you do to make money.
So now, you feel like you need the perfect job in order to have the perfect purpose. The reason you exist on the planet. Can you see how this starts to create some serious breakdowns? Especially if you don’t love your job, or you’re not really into it, or there are just other things going on.
This is exactly what was happening with my client. She was motivated by purpose—but she was confining it to her work. And since she didn’t feel like she had it fully dialed in at work, she was feeling very purposeless. Like, “I don’t know why I’m here. I don’t know the reason I exist.”
What we’re talking about is a potent mix: your cultural upbringing, combined with growing up in America—a country that’s very individualistic.
If you grew up in an Asian family, you were probably expected to make your parents proud. What you did reflected on your entire family. Lots of expectations.
But then, in America, it’s all about the individual—your independence. Pursuing your own happiness.
So you grow up and you’re like, Wait… which one is it? There’s this cultural tension that exists for so many of us. I used to experience it, too. When I was in my 20s and working as a journalist, I felt so proud of myself. I thought I had nailed it—the combo of a purposeful job and something my parents could be proud of.
But then I had some pretty intense experiences—some of you have heard the stories—that made me not want to be a journalist anymore. And when that happened, I had a massive breakdown. I didn’t know who I was anymore.
Because I was like, “If I’m not a journalist… what’s my purpose? Who am I?”
If you’ve ever asked yourself that question—Who am I?—that’s a sign that you’re struggling to understand what purpose really is.
And that lasted for years for me. I tried all kinds of journalism jobs to see if something would fit. Sometimes they did, sometimes they didn’t. Eventually, the paper moved me to different beats I wasn’t interested in, and I found myself asking, “What is the point of this? What am I doing with my life?” I was in a huge crisis. I had no understanding of myself outside of my job.
So, I pivoted. I started teaching yoga. And at the time, that felt so deeply purposeful. I was serving people, helping them connect to themselves and their bodies. It felt like a solution. But—I was still making the same mistake. I was still putting all my value and self-worth into my job. I didn’t call myself a yoga teacher—I’d say, “I teach yoga.” But underneath, I still didn’t know who I was outside of my work.
Until I figured this out. And when I did—it changed my life. I realized: We are multipurpose. Human beings are multipurpose. And yes, I always think of cleaning supplies when I say that—but it’s true! We are not here to do just one thing.
If you think you’re only here to do one thing—start shifting that belief.
You, my dear listener, are a multidimensional human being. And there are so many ways and places you get to fulfill your purpose every single day.
Now, there are also a lot of places where you can get lost in purpose. Let me give you a few examples:
If you’re a mom, it’s so easy to get lost in the purpose of caring for your kids—especially if you didn’t feel purposeful in your work before that.
If you’re a high-achieving career woman, you might feel torn. You want to feel purposeful at work and as a mom—and end up not feeling present in either.
You get into a relationship and pour all of yourself into it. Maybe you stop doing the things you love. You stop speaking up for what works best for you.
I know this happened to me in my first marriage. I didn’t recognize it until I got divorced—but I had prioritized my spouse’s desires and the kids’ desires over my own. I was a stepmom, and I put so much of my energy into making sure everyone else was okay… that I lost myself in the process.
And really—what I lost was my power. It took going through a divorce to realize how to have more balance in that phase of life.
And of course, you can get lost in your job. You start to think it’s everything. It’s your purpose. But if you hate your job or it’s just about the money… you start asking: Who am I? What am I doing with my life?
This is the core work we do in my course, Your Clear Calling. It’s essential.
But here’s the good news: You get to be all the things.
Your purpose might be to be a loving daughter when your mom gets sick. Your purpose might be the project you’re leading at work. It might be being the best partner when your spouse is struggling. There are so many ways to step into purpose. And the more you expand that definition for yourself, the more powerful you become.
This is how you stop giving your power away to other people’s definitions.
So I want to leave you with a journaling prompt to go deeper into this exploration:
What are all the roles you play that could be part of your purpose?
Write them down. And as you do, ask yourself:
How could I be more fluid in understanding purpose—and move between the different parts of my life while still being in my purpose?
If you want to share with me, I’d love to hear from you. DM me the roles you play on Instagram @NicoleTsong.
And if you want to dive deeper, know that we explore this deeply inside Your Clear Calling. Because this question—What is my purpose?—can open up even more clarity. It leads to: What are my next steps? What do I want? How do I start to live my purpose daily?
If you’re an Asian American woman who wants to reverse the conditioning of tying your worth to your job and open up your own definition of purpose—DM me power @NicoleTsong on Instagram, and let’s keep this conversation going.
Thank you so much for digging into this with me today. I love sharing these insights with all of you—and I can’t wait to hear from you.
I’ll see you again next week. Thank you so much for tuning into today’s episode. Before you go, don’t forget: If you’re a high-achieving woman who wants to uncover the biggest blind spots preventing fast, intuitive decisions, I’ve got a 72-second assessment for you. DM me quiz on Instagram @NicoleTsong.
We read every note you send about how this podcast is making a difference in your life. Please know how much we appreciate each and every one of you.
Until next time, I’m Nicole Tsong—and this is the School of Self-Worth.
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