The fastest way to instantly land your work ideas

• Understanding The Reason Why Your Ideas Aren’t Landing [00:00:34]
• The Impact of Self-Doubt and Anxiety in Meetings [00:02:22]
• Positioning Yourself as an Authority [00:03:32]
• The Subtle Sabotage of Deferring to Others [00:05:59]
• Shifting from Needing to be Right to Collaborative Leadership [00:07:45]
• Presenting Ideas Effectively [00:09:32]

“If you cannot trust your own ideas, how on earth could you expect other people to trust what you’re saying?”  Nicole Tsong

“When we get into this right or wrong mentality, we can get really stuck in this idea that you want to be right rather than trying to move things forward collaboratively to get to resolution.”  Nicole Tsong

“You need to be able to intuit the key moment to step in and to say something.”  Nicole Tsong

“Be more committed to the solution than to your own agenda.”  Nicole Tsong

“The more detached you get around your idea, I promise you, the more people are going to start to see you as someone who has leadership potential.” Nicole Tsong

“Really be committed to your own growth. Be committed to being in expansion for how you’re doing things.” Nicole Tsong

TRANSCRIPT

Ep 143: The Fastest Way to Instantly Land Your Ideas

NICOLE TSONG

Welcome back to the School of Self-Worth, my friends. I am your host, Nicole Tsong. Today we get to talk about a situation that happens for so many high-achieving Asian American corporate leaders. And that is when your idea is ignored – and even worse – when someone else scoops it up and then everyone else is like, “oh yeah, that’s such a great idea”. And you’re like, “hello, I just said that”.

So if this has ever happened to you, this episode is for you. If you’re an Asian American corporate leader who wants to stop being the invisible backbone at work and start being the authority, DM me ‘shift’ @nicoletsong on Instagram because I’ve got something over there for you. Okay, friends, let’s get into this juicy topic.

Welcome to the School of Self-Worth, a podcast for ambitious women who know they are worthy of an astoundingly great life. Join us weekly as we get on the right side of your intuition, redefine success and reclaim your Self-Worth. I’m your host, Nicole Tsong, an award winning journalist who left it all behind to become a best selling author of three books and work-life balance expert, helping ambitious women unlock their intuition and step into a life of fulfillment and radical joy. Every single week, I will bring you diverse and meaningful conversations with successful women from all walks of life who share insight about what it takes to be brave, joyful and authentic every day.

Every episode is thoughtfully designed to leave you feeling empowered with tangible tips and advice that will lead you to your next breakthrough. So before your idea gets ignored, there’s a whole host of things that are happening and today we’re going to get into what those things are and how to address them so that you can finally have your brilliant idea land in the meetings that you’re in. Because here’s what I do know. Anyone who is listening to this, you are already top notch skillful at what you do. You are great. You have so much experience, you are so smart, you are so capable.  You wouldn’t be listening to this otherwise.

I already know that is true about you and the challenge you’re having is that this is not landing for other people. Like they might think that you’re smart and capable and pretty good, but they tend to think of you more as an invisible workhorse or someone who is really reliable and gets a lot of things done. And when you have that kind of reputation, when it comes to being heard in a really big meeting, it can feel really challenging for the idea that you have to land with not only other people in the room, but the decision-makers, the leadership, the ones who are looking for what is going to happen next. You might ask yourself or be wondering, why are you struggling to get your point across? You know it’s a good idea, you know it’s something that should be implemented and yet it’s not going your way. We’re going to talk first about what’s happening at the very beginning and even in the moments before you say it or present it, then talk about how you’re sharing this idea. Are you over explaining what’s going on? Are you giving lots of details that they don’t need? Or are you actually waiting too long in the meeting? Like everyone has talked about that topic and that moment you had, that pause would have been perfect for you to add that idea and to present it, has passed already. And then maybe afterward this all happens and you grumble about how some people are so loud and they’re getting credit for things that are your ideas.

There’s just so many different rich things that could be happening here. And it’s important for you to take a look at the way that you are jumping in those environments. A lot of my clients come to me and they’re comfortable sharing things one-on-one with leadership, or in a smaller meeting. But once the group hits like three or four people, they start to go into this place where they lose their stability, they start to feel anxious and stressed, they get into self-doubt or worry about what they’re saying. And even if they’ve really prepared themselves for this meeting in every way, like they’ve gone through all of their talking points, they feel really clear on what they need to say. They’re still struggling to get that point across. 

The thing is, if you are feeling like you have self-doubt, you’re feeling anxious or stressed about what you’re saying, people notice, without saying anything, but they are certainly aware if you’re feeling that way – and if you cannot trust your own 

ideas, how on earth could you expect other people to trust what you’re saying? And so this is really the first important key point. If there is any element of destabilization, of feeling anxious, like your nervous system is dysregulated, you’re going to feel and have a hard time when you’re presenting something that’s new, that’s bold, that’s different from what’s been heard before.

The next piece of this that’s really important to understand, is how are you positioning yourself?’ Are you positioning the idea and you as the authority? Are you actually coming in and saying, ‘I know this is going to really work. This is something we really need to test and try’, or are you deferring to other people? People, even as you’re presenting it, you might say, ‘Oh, right, hey, you know, Sarah over there was also working on this project, and we saw the same thing.’ Are you constantly giving that authority away by referring to other people? Or over-explaining it, saying things like ‘but’, and putting in words that are actually making people question what you’re doing? 

It is so super common for Asian American women to wait until everyone else has talked. That’s something you probably were raised with as a way of doing things, because you’re always putting everybody else first, particularly people who are more senior than you or older than you. You like to defer to other people and their authority because you were probably taught to be obedient that way. On top of that, you know, you are always making sure that everybody else is heard before you prioritize your individual, authentic voice and who you are and your authority. When you’re doing this in this environment, all of these pieces are adding up as bricks that are not allowing you to step forward in a really powerful way. Here’s the thing. I don’t actually want you to be the loudest, and I don’t think that is necessary. You do need to be able to intuit the key moment to step in to say something – you have to know when to say it. You also have to be willing to interrupt others if necessary, if they are trying to interrupt you, to pause them and say, ‘hey, I’m not done yet’, or ‘hey, this is what we’re doing right now’.

If you are challenged with that, that’s something I’m going to get more into in another episode because this was occurring for one of my clients where she was really feeling challenged by people who reported to her, but actually also older men or white men.That can feel really hard for her. So we’re going to get into that in another episode, but I want you to also pay attention if this is occurring for you where you’re constantly deferring to other people. When we have this, what’s happening is you’re not positioning yourself as the most powerful person to present the idea that you’ve got, and when we do this, it’s so subtle, it’s so hidden, it’s so unconscious. Yet that is also what leadership is observing, and they’re noticing about you. 

They might be saying to your boss, or it might be your boss saying to you, ‘I wish that you would come forward with more boldness in your ideas. I wish that you would be more strategic. I wish you would be louder’. But they’re not really needing you to be any of those things. What they’re saying is what I’m talking about. They’re seeing all these subconscious things where you’re doubting yourself. When you’re not coming forward, you’re not speaking in the moment that matters, and they can see that from you, but they may not actually know how to communicate that to you.

That’s the first piece that’s really important to understand. But here is the kicker, and this is another one that is also very subtle and you’re probably not even aware that you’re doing this: are you making everyone else wrong when they don’t adopt your idea? Because it’s not actually about right or wrong. This comes up so much with my clients where they have an idea and they’re so fixated on it. So let’s say you’re in a situation where you actually do say it. You get that out there on the table and someone picks up a piece of your idea, but they don’t pick up the whole thing, they pick up a part of it and they say this is going to be part of a bigger plan.

HERE

Do you actually get defensive or mad and think that they are ruining it? They’re like, ‘no’. You’re like, ‘this is not what I’m presenting. This is not the full picture. This is not going to work’. And this happens frequently. When we get into this right-or-wrong mentality, we can get really stuck in this idea that you want to be right rather than trying to move things forward collaboratively to get to resolution. Real leaders do not get stuck on the right answer. They know that it requires more minds than their own to come up with solutions to complex problems. If you’re seen as someone who cannot collaborate, who doesn’t understand how to get to that big picture, this is probably why you’re getting more strategic feedback: because you’re not able to release and let go of your idea as being the only way.

You’re also going to have trouble being seen as a leader and getting the accompanying promotion and raise until you’re able to start to see the big picture and be in the direction of where things need to go. Typically, I find that if people feel like their ideas aren’t landing, it’s because not only are they feeling a little stressed or worried about what they’re presenting, they’re also fixated on it needing to be one way only. And the biggest thing I will tell you – and I promise you this – is that as a leader, it is complex. There are moving pieces that people below you cannot see, and your job is to navigate all of those pieces and put them together in a way that actually still gets to resolution.

This is something for you to start to take a look at – to start to notice within yourself – and to say, okay, ‘How can I start to stabilize myself first? How do I start to position myself as the authority? And how do I not get stuck on my way being the only way?’

Now we’re going to get into some practical elements of how to make some changes. The first thing you have to do is take a look at language. How are you presenting things? Are you over-explaining? Get clear on your points, get clear on what you’re saying, don’t go above and beyond in talking about things, and be okay if there’s a little bit of silence after you present something.

The second thing for you to do is to stop needing to be right. Be open to hearing how your idea could be one in a blend of things that could actually get to a resolution. Be open to seeing how all these ideas could piece together into a beautiful collaborative solution, and then be more committed to the solution than to your own agenda. The more you do this, the more detached you get around your idea. I promise you, the more people are going to start to see you as someone who has leadership potential. They’ll start to say, ‘Wow, this is someone I actually might want to get on track for promotion’. And you know, we’re really in an era where there’s a lot of uncertainty in lots of different industries. Really be committed to your own growth; be committed to being in expansion for how you’re doing things.

The greatest, best job security is to actually be focused on: How can I adapt, how can I shift, how can I expand? So if you are ready to start positioning yourself as a leader on a consistent basis and it feels like recognition is actually happening really slowly, I have a system that helps position you as a promotion-ready person within your current organization. And this one is special – it’s just for Asian American corporate leaders exceeding expectations but still being overlooked. And if you want to grab it, DM me “leader” @nicoletsong on Instagram and I will get that over to you. Okay friends, thanks so much for being here today. I can’t wait to see you in our next episode.

Thank you so much for tuning into today’s episode. Before you go, don’t forget: if you are a high-achieving woman who wants to uncover your biggest blind spots preventing fast intuitive decisions, I’ve got a 72-second assessment for you. So make sure to DM me “quiz” @nicoletsong on Instagram. And thank you for being here and for listening. We read every note that we get from you about how the podcast is making a difference in your life. Please know how much we appreciate each and every one of you. Until next time, I’m Nicole Tsong, and this is the School of Self-Worth.