Have you ever gotten the feedback that you lack gravitas? Or that you don’t have the presence of a leader?
In this episode, I dive into just what gravitas is — and the essential thing you’re getting WRONG about gravitas (and what you really need to understand about it to get your next promotion.)
Gravitas is often misunderstood, especially among Asian American women, who think it’s about emulating the people who have it.
But here’s the thing you’re missing — real gravitas can only come from inside you. It’s part of your unique presence and power.
In this episode, I dive in deeper on how to access your inner gravitas, including simple techniques to step into your power and presence.
Gravitas CAN be simple! You don’t want to miss how easy to make it, so tune in!
“Gravitas… is more about this elusive, intangible leadership quality, which is actually not just about seriousness. {Leadership} wants someone who is rooted in their power.”
“Power exists within you. It’s not something you collect from other people. It’s something that you have to own within yourself.”
“The more tuned in you are to yourself, to your skills, your strengths, to clarity about what you bring to the world… that’s when you turn the tables on being a person of gravitas.”
“You have to be so grounded in who you are to be able to have that sense of gravitas for other people to look to you and say, ‘Wow, what do they have?’”
“When you see someone with true gravitas and also an extraordinary speaker, they don’t use filler words. You know why? Because those gaps are times that they’re listening and tuning into themselves and also to what the room needs.”
“It’s more about how do you uncover the things and disengage from the conditioning that makes you believe that you don’t have it? Because I promise you, you already are a powerful, capable presence.”
NICOLE:
Hello friends! I am Nicole Tsong, and this is the School of Self-Worth. Welcome back! I’m so excited to be here with you today because I get to discuss a topic that frequently comes up in feedback for Asian American corporate leaders: Gravitas. I’m going to delve into why you might be receiving feedback that you lack gravitas and how to reverse the cultural conditioning that may be holding you back from embodying that kind of presence. So stay tuned! If you’re a high-achieving Asian American corporate leader who wants to feel valued and visible as you prepare for the next promotion cycle, DM me “valued” on Instagram. I have more details for you there.
Okay friends, let’s do this and dig into this important conversation!
Welcome to the School of Self-Worth, a podcast for ambitious women who know they are worthy of an astoundingly great life. Join us weekly as we align with your intuition, redefine success, and reclaim your self-worth. I’m your host, Nicole Tsong, an award-winning journalist who left it all behind to become a bestselling author of three books and a work-life balance expert. I help ambitious women unlock their intuition and step into a life of fulfillment and radical joy. Every week, I bring you diverse and meaningful conversations with successful women from all walks of life who share insights about what it takes to be brave, joyful, and authentic every day. Each episode is thoughtfully designed to empower you with tangible tips and advice that will lead you to your next breakthrough.
If you’re listening to this episode, I bet you’ve received feedback at some point in your career that you need to develop your gravitas. Here’s the definition: gravitas means high seriousness. This is interesting because, in the executive world, gravitas is essential for leadership. However, I suspect that you might be a bit serious about your job. You work hard, get things done, and stay on track, but you may not bring a sense of lightness, play, or fun into your work.
Even though you’re being told to adopt this seriousness, I don’t know about you, but I prefer a leader who has a bit of lightness—someone charming, with an energetic presence. When I think of gravitas, it’s more about this elusive, intangible leadership quality that isn’t solely about seriousness. Here’s what people mean when they say they want you to have gravitas: they want someone who is rooted in their power. We all know someone who exudes that kind of power and self-awareness. You can feel it when they walk into a room or speak; they command attention effortlessly.
On the flip side, you might find yourself making the PowerPoints instead of delivering them. You might be wondering, “How do I become that person, Nicole?” Well, I used to be in your shoes. I didn’t command any room; I was just there, sitting in the corner, never raising my hand. I had to learn to step into my own power and authenticity. Once I did, everything changed. People began to listen to me and value my contributions. It started with not taking things personally and learning to listen differently—not just being quiet but actively seeking what was missing in the conversation.
What can I contribute to support this room? It wasn’t about needing to be heard but rather about serving the discussion. I learned to project who I was to be seen and heard, and that made all the difference. What many Asian American women often misunderstand about gravitas is that they think it means being more like those who already possess it. Have you ever done that? You admire someone powerful and strong, and you start mimicking their tics—how they speak, their gestures—thinking that if you emulate them, you’ll gain gravitas.
That approach is fundamentally flawed. By trying to be someone else, you’re coming from a place of fear, worried about getting it wrong. You feel you must do everything perfectly. In that mindset, you’re not exhibiting gravitas. This tendency often stems from cultural conditioning—growing up trying to please your parents, ensuring the collective is happy, and not recognizing where to find your internal power. The truth is, power exists within you.
It’s not something you collect from others; it’s something you must own for yourself. The more in tune you are with your skills, strengths, and clarity about what you bring to the world, the more you can embody gravitas. The good news is that we don’t have to hunt for it; it already exists within you. It’s about uncovering what’s been conditioned out of you and disengaging from beliefs that suggest you lack it. I promise you, you are already a powerful, capable presence. Of course, there are ways to develop and hone this power, but it must come from a place of recognizing your inherent strength.
If that resonates with you and gives you those little tingles of uncertainty, that’s what we need to explore first. You must be grounded in who you are to cultivate a sense of gravitas that others will recognize and admire. Once you step into that, you’ll see people turning to you for answers. This is how you earn performance reviews that say, “Wow, she’s ready for the next step.” If you want that this year, this is where to begin.
I want to share a couple of simple tips—easy ways to start practicing noticing when you’re out of your power and how to get back into it. If you want to develop this long-term, we work on that in Your Clear Calling. The tools I’ll share are great placeholders to get you through the next day, but if you want to go deeper, that’s what we focus on in the course.
Here are two simple ways to step into gravitas:
Stop Thinking Out Loud: Don’t process things verbally, even if you’re a verbal processor. Find someone who doesn’t matter—someone other than your boss—to process with. Pay attention to the language you use. Those who think out loud often rely on filler words like “maybe,” “kind of,” and “just.” By stopping this habit, you’ll naturally reduce your use of filler words. When you observe someone with true gravitas and exceptional speaking skills, they rarely use filler words. Why? Because they use those gaps to listen—to themselves and to what the room needs. If you can stop thinking out loud and cut down on filler words, you’ll make significant strides moving forward.
Drop Your Voice: Learn to drop your voice from your throat down into your belly. I learned this technique while teaching yoga, where we were taught to project our voices to fill the room. If you’re not filling the space with your voice—even in a small meeting—people may perceive you as lacking gravitas. Start by humming and noticing where the sound resonates. Then, drop that hum down into your belly. This deepening of your voice adds authority, keeps you grounded, and commands respect.
If you’re looking to embody these qualities, these two tips will help you get started. If you want to explore how to step into your power consistently every day and not let feedback shake you, I have something for you. DM me @nicoletsong on Instagram, and we’ll discuss how to develop your ability to command the room and embody gravitas consistently. DM me “gravitas,” and let’s have a conversation.
Thank you so much for being here! I can’t wait to see you in the next episode. Before you go, if you’re a high-achieving woman wanting to uncover your biggest blind spots that prevent swift, intuitive decisions, I have a 72-second assessment for you. Be sure to DM me “quiz” @nicoletsong on Instagram.
Thank you for tuning in. We appreciate every note we receive about how the podcast is making a difference in your life. Please know how much we value each and every one of you. Until next time, I’m Nicole Tsong, and this is the School of Self-Worth.
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