My Approach to Coaching Asian American Women

• The Power of Coaching [00:03:00]
• Defining Coaching vs Therapy [00:08:08]
• Coaching is Not Advice-Giving [00:09:51]
• Nicole’s Coaching Origins [00:14:19]
• Rewiring Negative Thought Patterns [00:16:56]
• Directness and Intuition in Coaching [00:19:07]
• Fun and Transformation in Coaching [00:21:33]

 “Coaching is action-oriented. It is future-oriented. It is very much about the possibility of who 

you are and who you can become.”

“Transformation can happen while you are living your current life. In fact, it is more impactful that way because you can understand how to do it while juggling your spouse, your kids, your parents, your siblings, your friends, vacation, your boss, your work.”

“I did it on my own for a very long time. I was very conditioned that way growing up with an Asian American family where it was always about the family…. like make sure that we’re not embarrassed or we’re not judged by others. And what I have found over time is that the more help I get, the better my life is.”

“The only thing that really needs to be rehabbed in that situation is your relationship with yourself.”

“What coaching supports you to do, is to rewire your brain. You have to rewire those negative thoughts.”

“When you don’t have that relationship of self-trust, you can have this experience like you need to be fixed, that there are problems that will never get resolved, that you’re never going to be able to figure out the way forward.”

“My approach to coaching is I trust you to know what’s best for you. And what’s missing for most people is they don’t have the decision-making and confidence to actually have that relationship of self-trust.”

“I fully believe that transformation can happen while you’re living your current life, and the breakthroughs that happen for my clients are huge.”

Hello, friends! Welcome back to the School of Self-Worth. I’m your host, Nicole Tsong.

Today, we’re taking a bit of a U-turn on topics. We talk about so many big things on this podcast, but today, I want to share something more personal—my approach to coaching Asian American women. If you’ve ever wondered what it’s like to work with me, this episode is for you. So stay tuned!

And if you’re an Asian American woman who wants to permanently reverse cultural conditioning so you can make fast, powerful decisions, your new normal—and be the most unapologetic version of yourself—DM me Decisive on Instagram. I’ve got something for you.

Okay, friends, let’s dig into this super fun episode.

Welcome to the School of Self-Worth, a podcast for ambitious women who know they are worthy of an astoundingly great life. Join us weekly as we get on the right side of your intuition, redefine success, and reclaim your self-worth.

I’m your host, Nicole Tsong—an award-winning journalist who left it all behind to become a bestselling author of three books and a work-life balance expert, helping ambitious women unlock their intuition and step into a life of fulfillment and radical joy. Every week, I bring you diverse and meaningful conversations with successful women from all walks of life, sharing insights about what it takes to be brave, joyful, and authentic every day.

Each episode is thoughtfully designed to leave you feeling empowered with tangible tips and advice that will lead you to your next breakthrough.

This episode marks our 101st episode! I was laughing at myself recently because I realized—wow, Nicole, it took you 100 episodes to share your coaching style! Total face-palm moment. It was something I really wanted to talk about because I know many of you might be interested or wondering: What is it actually like to work with Nicole?

While I’ve had clients on the podcast sharing their experiences, I wanted to make sure it’s crystal clear what it would be like if you chose to work with me. Because when you’re looking for a coach, it’s such a personal relationship. It’s essential that you feel confident and clear that I’m the perfect fit for you.

So, I want to start by sharing my life before coaching—and afterward.

All my clients know this: I am always being coached. I literally never go without a coach. I have business coaches. I have teachers and mentors who support my journey. I have energy teachers coaching me through personal growth. I’ve hired dating coaches, relationship coaches, finance coaches, nutrition coaches. And I know I will continue to invest in coaching for many years to come.

You might be wondering, Why? Why does Nicole trust coaching so much?

It’s because I know what my life was like before coaching. Some of you have heard this story before, and for some of you, it may be brand new. But it still stands out in my memory as a key moment—one I shared a long time ago…

I believe it was Episode 2 with my teacher, Suzanne Conrad, who was essentially my first real coach. I want to share this story again because it’s always worth retelling. When I met her, I had just gone through a big breakup. I had pivoted from journalism to yoga teaching and was already working as a yoga teacher. While I felt clear in my career, I was a personal mess. I wasn’t sure what I wanted, or maybe I did, but I had no idea how to achieve it. I felt lost, unclear, and devastated over the breakup.

Suzanne had been supporting us through a lot of the same work I now do with my clients. I approached her with a question, which she may or may not have answered. Then, she took my left hand and asked, “Are you married?” When I said no, she asked, “Would you like to be?” I responded, “Yes, in fact, I would like to be married.” She then said, “Well, let’s go get you one.” I was flabbergasted—was it really that simple? Just deciding what you want and then making it happen?

That moment marked my first real coaching experience with her, following the Lightyear Leadership methodology. Two months later, I met my now-former husband. At the time, I didn’t realize you could declare what you wanted and then actively work towards it. That’s the essence of coaching—identifying what you truly desire and having someone support and guide you toward making it a reality.

Since that moment, coaching has been a cornerstone of my life. I became certified in 2014 and have had coaches for every major challenge I’ve faced. When I was going through my divorce and hesitant to date again, I hired a dating coach. That decision not only helped me navigate dating but also prepared me for building a healthy relationship with my now-husband, Michael. Coaching has played a role in nearly every aspect of my life—career growth, personal development, health, and even financial management.

Before I met Suzanne and experienced coaching firsthand, I felt aimless and uncertain. I questioned my decisions constantly and lacked confidence, even when my life seemed put together on the outside. By that point, I had already worked at The Seattle Times and left to become a yoga teacher—significant life changes. Yet internally, I felt lost. My 20s and early 30s were defined by that struggle. I often felt like I was falling behind while others had everything figured out. It took time to recognize how cultural conditioning and my upbringing shaped my mindset. Now, with coaching, I always have someone in my corner.

Coaches have helped me through personal and professional growth, from business expansion to divorce recovery. I’ve hired coaches for nutrition, health, and financial management. Now, whenever I face a major challenge, I look for an expert coach to guide me through it. Being part of entrepreneur groups, I find great joy in working with professionals who can help me navigate new challenges effectively.

I wanted to share this background to illustrate my journey with coaching and the profound impact it has had on my life. Now, I’d like to talk about my specific coaching style, but first, let’s clarify what coaching is not…..

Coaching is not therapy. Therapy and coaching serve distinct purposes. Many of my clients come to me after therapy because therapy focuses on healing past wounds, understanding upbringing influences, and processing emotional challenges. Therapists undergo extensive training to handle mental health issues and provide necessary support for those struggles.

On the other hand, coaching is future-focused and action-oriented. It helps clients create strategies and take steps toward their desired outcomes. A therapist helps you process why you made past decisions; a coach helps you move forward and make empowered choices for the future.

Coaching is not giving advice. A coach does not simply tell you what to do. Instead, coaching is a collaborative process where the coach helps you clarify your own goals and develop actionable steps to achieve them. It’s about empowering you to make decisions confidently and create lasting change.

Sometimes, therapy and coaching work well together. I’ve had clients who benefited from both, as they serve different purposes. Coaching is about taking action, setting goals, and moving forward in a powerful and intentional way.

Coaching is very much about the possibility of who you are and who you can become. Now, let me get into the second thing that coaching is not: it is not about giving advice. While many of us coaches are also content creators who share little bits of advice online, real coaching—true, deep coaching—is not about telling you what to do. I don’t give advice, and I am not here to tell you how to live your life. I would never presume to do so.

Giving advice is something that often happens in mentorship. A mentor might say, “Hey, I’ve done this before; you might try it out,” or “If you go down that pathway, this is what you might expect.” For example, if you’re trying to get a promotion or figuring out how to advance in your career, mentors can help you navigate workplace politics. And I’m not saying that doesn’t have value—because it absolutely does.

However, a coach is not here to give you advice. A coach is not here to tell you what to do. Our job is to help you figure out the answers and the pathway forward within yourself. Yes, I have been through experiences that allow me to empathize and understand. I know exactly what it’s like to be a high-achieving Asian American woman who felt stalled in her career, challenged by cultural conditioning, and unsure of her next steps. I have lived that reality. But a skilled coach doesn’t need to have lived your exact experience to support you.

Most coaches are inspired by their personal journeys, which drive them to help others. But a truly skillful coach can help you navigate any challenge in your life. I have worked with 21-year-old men—I don’t personally relate to being a 21-year-old man, as you might imagine—but I fully supported him through that time in his life. I have also coached 70-year-old women—again, I haven’t lived that experience, but my job isn’t to relate to your life. My job is to listen and help you discover the best path forward for you.

My approach to coaching is based on the belief that you know what’s best for you. The problem is, most people don’t have the confidence or decision-making skills to trust themselves fully. And when you lack that self-trust, it can feel like you’re broken, like your problems will never be solved, and like you’ll never figure out the way forward. If that sounds familiar, coaching can be a great fit for you. Because at its core, the real work is about rebuilding your relationship with yourself.

I mean, it’s literally Taylor Swift: “Hi, it’s me. I’m the problem, it’s me.”

And that’s what we work on. I have a ton of tools to help you rewire the patterns that are holding you back. That’s why it’s so important to understand the difference between coaching and giving advice. There are plenty of people out there who want to give you advice. I used to sit with my girlfriends at happy hour, getting drinks and exchanging advice. I sought out mentors, asking, How do I advance? How do I climb the journalism ladder? How do I get where I want to be? They would give me their best guidance.

But I found that real change came when I had coaches who helped me learn to listen to myself more deeply. When I started doing that, I no longer needed advice. What I needed was structure—someone to help me look inward and access my own answers. That’s what coaching is about. The best coaches excel at this. They have tools to support you, yes, but that’s not the same as telling you what to do. The foundation of coaching isn’t advice—it’s guiding you to see the pathway forward for yourself.

Now, let’s get into my specific approach to coaching.

My coaching style is informed by so many experiences. I was first certified by Lightyear Leadership in 2014, and I’m now certified in all three levels of Lightyear’s coaching program. I continue to work closely with my teacher there, Suzanne Conrad. But my coaching is also deeply shaped by my time as a journalist and a fitness columnist. I spent six years as a fitness columnist for The Seattle Times, and I remain obsessed with movement and energy.

I’m also a Geotran-certified instructor for Gems 1 and Gems 2, so I focus heavily on energy work and supporting my clients through it. Additionally, I was a yoga teacher for 13 years, and a lot of my work is grounded in mindfulness, presence, and connection—to self and body.

And then, of course, there’s my own life experience. I know what it’s like to be a super high achiever, constantly striving for what’s next, driven by ambition. That has been me my entire life. I’ve written three books. I know what it’s like to chase big, scary goals. I know what it’s like to leave a secure job, transitioning from journalism to teaching yoga. I know what it’s like to start a business—I own my own business.

All of these things are at play with the people I’m working with. I have clients who are running their own businesses, and we fully support them in shaping what that business looks like. I also have clients who are in a place of uncertainty, wondering what’s next for their career. They might be questioning whether they even want to continue down their current path. How do they start to shape and form their next steps? Then there are those who know exactly what they want but need the confidence and support to take action. I work with women in all of these different spaces, bringing my varied experiences to support them.

At the core of my work, what I’m really obsessed with is how your brain works and the things that impact your ability to have what you want in life—whether that’s identifying your desires or taking action on what you already know it’s time to pursue.

Understanding how your brain works is powerful. Your brain processes around 100,000 thoughts a day—data varies, but that’s a rough average. About 80% of those thoughts are negative, and 95% of what you think today is what you thought yesterday. That means your brain is often stuck in repetitive, negative thought loops. One of the most important aspects of coaching is helping you rewire those negative patterns so they no longer hold you back.

These ingrained thought patterns are often the biggest obstacles to moving forward, seeing new possibilities, and experiencing transformation. You might be trying to navigate this on your own—I know I did for a long time. I grew up in an Asian American family where keeping everything private and maintaining the family’s image was ingrained in me. Asking for help wasn’t encouraged. But over time, I learned that the more help I get, the better my life becomes. It was a rewiring process just to learn that asking for help is not only okay but essential. Humans are wired to support one another.

Trying to rewire your brain alone can be tough. That’s why, in my framework inside Your Clear Calling—focused on getting paid for your passion—we work on rewiring your brain for emotional mastery, owning your authentic voice, and creating an intuitive blueprint to guide your life. That’s what we do.

Another thing to know about me as a coach: I’m direct. I don’t dance around tough topics. Just ask my clients. I say what needs to be said, often things no one else has had the courage to tell them. Just last weekend, I led a training and told the group, “I’m going to tell you this because no one else in your life is going to.” I do this with compassion and kindness—I am never harsh or cruel—but I am direct. In our culture, directness can sometimes be uncomfortable, but when delivered with clarity and kindness, it is incredibly powerful. I deeply value honesty and truth.

In my coaching cohorts, the space is always safe, supportive, and connected. My clients often tell me how quickly they feel a bond with others in the group, realizing they’re not alone in their challenges. It’s also a space where you’ll be asked questions and challenged in ways you may not have been before. Growth comes from facing those questions head-on.

I used to resist being challenged because I wasn’t sure I wanted to see the truth. But I’ve learned that being asked hard questions is the key to my growth and expansion—it’s why I’m here today, sharing this with you.

Another key part of my coaching is intuition. Developing my intuition took years. While we are all born intuitive, I didn’t feel connected to that part of myself for a long time. But now, a huge part of my coaching is about sensing and responding intuitively to what’s happening with my clients. That’s why coaching works regardless of your background—it’s not just about strategy; it’s about tuning in to what’s really going on beneath the surface.

And here’s something else: coaching should be fun. This isn’t about retreating to a Himalayan mountaintop for six months to “find yourself.” Transformation can and should happen while you’re living your current life—juggling your spouse, kids, parents, friends, work, and everything in between. That’s what makes it real and lasting.

Many of my clients tell me that people around them start noticing the change, even if they can’t quite put their finger on it. There’s just a shift that happens when you apply this work daily. The power of being in a supportive community while continuing to live your life is profound, and the breakthroughs my clients experience are huge.

Some clients rediscover joy in their work—one recently told me, “Nicole, I love my job. I love my life.” Others get promotions, bonuses, and unexpected recognition. One client kept receiving appreciation notes from her boss and even won a vacation for being a top performer. Others finally start the businesses they’ve always dreamed of. I had a client message me the other day saying someone had asked her, “How did you start your business? How are you making this happen?” Her response? “You need to talk to Nicole.”

Breakthroughs aren’t just about work or business. Many clients experience profound shifts in their relationships—romantic, familial, and friendships. I never expected to work on family relationships when I started coaching, but it turned out to be one of the most impactful areas for me. Learning to set boundaries, be my authentic self, and make choices uninfluenced by others’ opinions has been life-changing. That’s what I want for you: a life of clarity, confidence, and direction—so strong that nothing can shake you.

If this resonates with you and you’re thinking, “Okay, Nicole, I want to talk,” send me a DM on Instagram @NicoleTsong with the word “me.” Let’s have a conversation about what coaching could look like for you. Even with all the people I work with, everything is tailored to the individual. The support you receive is always highly personalized—and incredibly powerful.

Coaching is the most fun I’ve ever had in my life, and that’s why I keep doing it. If you’re considering it, thank you. I’d love to connect with you. And if you got something from this—if you learned something about yourself or gained insight into what you want—screenshot this, share it on Instagram, tag me, and I can’t wait to hear from you.

Thank you, friends. See you next week!

Thank you so much for tuning into today’s episode! Before you go, I want to remind you that if you are a high-achieving woman looking to uncover your biggest blind spots that prevent fast, intuitive decisions, I have a special 72-second assessment for you. Make sure to DM me the word “quiz” on Instagram @nicoletsong. We truly appreciate your presence and feedback. We read every note we receive about how the podcast is making a difference in your life. Please know how much we value each and every one of you. 

Until next time, I’m Nicole Tsong, and this is the School of Self-Worth.